


i only wanna talk to you

by calumshoods



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Birthday Party, Birthday Sex, Blow Jobs, Broken Bones, Camping, Car Accidents, Dogs, Domestic Fluff, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, Except They Both Propose, Family Feels, Fights, First Dates, Fluff and Smut, Kitchen Sex, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Making Up, Marriage Proposal, Morning Sex, Moving In Together, Outdoor Sex, Panic Attacks, Recreational Drug Use, Rimming, Rough Sex, Tattoos, and thats it folks, and they love each other, architect! calum, ash taking care of drunk cal makes me swoon, because theyre stupid, boys night out, building a bed together, calum is definitely the type to netflix and chill, cashton is too good they could never get in an irreconcilable fight, except everything hurts, film maker! ashton, goodnight calum, green juice sucks, grocery shopping bois, ill add tags as i go, just a lot of fluff, stoner bois, this is the real story behind the tally tattoos, u thought there was already lots of fluff, well theres even more
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-16 16:20:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 47,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10574982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calumshoods/pseuds/calumshoods
Summary: “This is us, Calum. This is our story, from beginning to now, all of my favorite moments. The ups and the downs. The good and the bad. Mostly the good, though, because there’s hardly ever a bad moment with you. I mean, yeah, you fart a lot and it smells, but I’ve gotten used to that.” He pauses to giggle at his own joke again, a sweet, high-pitched sound that make Calum’s heart flutter.or ashton leaves to work on his documentary and leaves calum recordings of his favorite memories with him





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> work title from the song by the maine of the same name
> 
> so i had this idea when i was watching 13 reasons why because i love the idea of leaving behind tapes because ~vintage~ but obviously from the summary u can tell this isnt gonna be sad but just FLUFF so yeah i hope u enjoy
> 
> come chat w me on [tumblr](http://stonercalum.tumblr.com) about how cashton is real

Calum wakes up to a cold bed for the first time in months.

He is half asleep, groggy, and kind of annoyed. He had grown so used to waking up with Ashton next to him, snuggled up closely and keeping him warm. Now he can only tug the soft throw blanket around himself tighter instead of grabbing his boyfriends arm and pulling it over him. He hates it already, and it’s only day one of fourteen without Ashton.

Calum rolls into the middle of the bed, spreading out in the wide open space, when something sharp pokes his leg through the down comforter. He looks down and sees a old shoebox set by the edge of the bed on Ashton’s side, his name scrawled across the top in familiar, scratchy handwriting. His curiosity wakes him up and he crawls across the bed to get to the box.

Piles of cassette tapes sit inside when he pulls the lid off. They look like old tapes of Ashton’s films or something, but why would the box be out with his name on it if that’s what they were? A small sheet of folded paper in the corner of the box catches his eye and he pulls it out.

_Cal — Listen to the “Intro” tape after you eat breakfast and take care of the pups. xx, Ash._

Leave it to Ashton to still baby Calum when he’s thousands of miles away filming his latest documentary. 

Even though he’s not there to watch him, Calum still rolls out of bed and heads into the kitchen of their small apartment. The two dogs that were laying on the floor at the end of the bed jump up and run after him. He’s surprised that they hadn’t woken him up in the early hours of the morning when Ashton usually got up to walk and feed them. He portions out dog food into their bowls and sets them down on the floor before making his own breakfast.

Their apartment is tiny, but it’s big enough for them. The entire space is fairly open. The kitchen and the dining area and the living room are all connected without a wall in sight. A small, short hallway leads down to Calum and Ashton’s bedroom, and a bathroom sits across the way from that door. It wasn’t much — there was never any room for them to throw a party or house more than one guest on the couch or expand their little family with another human, but it was perfect for them. It was all they needed. 

Calum makes himself scrambled eggs and toast to the best of his ability. He was never and will never be much of a chef, at least compared to Ashton, who he thinks is too good at everything. His most major flaw, is what Calum calls it. They both agree it’s a pretty good flaw to have.

The two dogs lay down at his feet when they finish eating. Guinness, the older of the two, a chocolate Labrador that is so dark that he was named for his similar color to the dark beer, sprawls his heavy body straight across Calum’s feet. Gunner, their German Shepard and something-else-that-they-can’t-put-their-finger-on-mix is a little more considerate of personal space and lays down a few feet away. Calum reaches down to aimlessly pet them while he shovels eggs into his mouth. He’s eager to get the morning routine out of the way so he can get on with listening to the tape.

Ashton left early in the morning to head off to Southeast Asia for his first _big_ documentary. He had received a grant for the project a few months earlier, and after endless months of planning and organizing and gathering a crew, he was off to spend two full weeks in Cambodia covering the lack of accessible water there and volunteering in the midst of it. Calum often wonders how he got so lucky to have a boyfriend with the single biggest heart he’s ever experienced. The hardest part of it all for Calum wasn’t the distance, but the fact that he wasn’t going to have any contact with Ashton for those two weeks. No phone calls, no texts, not even an email. Ashton was going completely off the grid, and it was just going to be Calum and the dogs. The loneliness was already tearing him apart. 

Once his breakfast mess is cleaned up, he slips into sweatpants and a t-shirt, hooks the dogs up on their leashes, and takes them for what might be the briskest walk around the neighborhood they’ve ever taken. When he gets back from the walk, he’s a little more out of breath than he wants to admit. His budding curiosity about these tapes Ashton left him is eating away at his insides. 

He runs into the bedroom when the dogs are off their leashes and occupied with some sort of chew toy. He pulls out the first cassette tape and pops it into the conveniently placed Walkman that is covered in a thin coating of dust and probably belonged to Ashton during his youth. There’s 15 total tapes in the box, all marked #1-#14, with an excepting of the introduction tape that he’s about to play.

Ashton’s voice automatically files out of the headphones that are attached to the Walkman. “Hey, Cal. It’s me. So, I’ve probably been gone for a few hours now, if you found this when you woke up and you actually ate and took care of our boys, like I instructed.” He pauses to laugh. Calum already misses his giggle.

“Anyways, welcome to ‘Calum and Ashton: A History.’ That’s what I’ve decided to call this, um, this series, I guess? It’s a pretty simple concept, and you better listen to the instructions I’m about to read to you and follow them or else I’m staying in Cambodia forever.

“There should be 14 other tapes in the box, unless the dogs ate them while you were sleeping or something. They’re all numbered. Each one corresponds to a day that I’ll be gone. So, you know, today is day one. The day I come back is day 14. You listen to _one_ tape a day. Don’t you dare try to listen to any more or any less than that, no matter how badly you want to.

“You can listen whenever you want, I guess. In the morning, before you go to bed, during your lunch break, whatever. I don’t care. Just make sure that you listen to one a day, in order, and you listen to fourteen _before_ I get home. 

“So, you’re probably wondering what they are. What this whole thing is. Why I’m doing this. I can answer the what now, but the why is gonna have to wait. Sorry, I know how impatient you are.” Calum laughs softly at that. Ashton must have recorded this days before he left, but he already knew exactly how Calum would react. 

“This is us, Calum. This is our story, from beginning to now, all of my favorite moments. The ups and the downs. The good and the bad. Mostly the good, though, because there’s hardly ever a bad moment with you. I mean, yeah, you fart a lot and it smells, but I’ve gotten used to that.” He pauses to giggle at his own joke again, a sweet, high-pitched sound that make Calum’s heart flutter.

“So, yeah, this is the story of us. Like I said before, I’d like to call it ‘Calum and Ashton: A History,’ but that’s kind of boring, so feel free to rename it. I think that’s the gist of it. Just follow my rules — one tape a day for the next fourteen days. I love you. I miss you already.” He’s silent for just a moment. Calum almost presses the eject button so he can get on to listening to the first tape, but Ashton’s voice pipes up again.

“So, what are you waiting for? Get on with it, Cal.”


	2. the day we met

Calum fumbles through the box of tapes in search of the first one so quickly that he nearly knocks the entire thing off the edge of the bed. His heart is racing. Ashton was always the sentimental, romantic one in their relationship, but this just went far and beyond anything he had ever done. Calum’s heart is aflutter with love and lust and adoration and every sappy feeling he’s ever felt all at once. 

The best part about this, Calum thinks, is that he doesn’t know what memories Ashton is going to share with him. They’ve had so many over the past two and a half years that they’ve been together. There are thousands of moments, days, experiences that they’ve shared, and Ashton condensed his favorites in 14. The excitement bubbles inside of Calum to the point that he can’t wait any longer to listen — he’s not sure how he’s going to be able to follow the rules and only listen to one a day, and he hasn’t even started the first tape yet.

He presses play on the Walkman and Ashton’s voice automatically fills his ears once again. He lays back in their bed and inhales his boyfriends scent from his pillow while he listens. “Hey, Cal. I just talked to you in the introduction tape, but I wanted to start this out saying hi because I like consistency.” Calum smiles to himself and reclines on the bed. 

“You know how people say ‘save the best for last’? Well, screw that. I’m doing the best one first because this is my favorite story, and also because it has to be first because this is chronological. This is the day we met.”

+++ 

Calum is just trying to pick up dog food for Guinness. That’s literally all he wants to do. He wants to get into the pet store, pick up a nice, hefty bag of his dog’s favorite organic lamb and rice food, and go home. And maybe he picked up a new chew toy and a frisbee because he has a dream of training Guinness to become more like Air Bud, but that’s besides the point. His mission has become nearly impossible now. Somehow he’s found himself in the center of a rally for some unknown cause, all because he wanted to feed his poor dog and train him to become a movie star.

“What is this for?” Calum asks a seemingly harmless, short red haired girl next to him. She whips her head around and glares at him.

“We’re protesting kill shelters, dumb ass,” she barks at him. He takes a few steps back from the girl. Seemingly harmless doesn’t always mean nice, it appears.

Calum surveys the group around him that flows from the plaza in front of the pet store and out into the parking lot. It’s not massive, by any means, but fifty or so people have accumulated pretty quickly. Some of them have signs — big red X’s drawn over the words “kill shelter,” photos of dogs captioned “please don’t kill us,” and a handful of “adopt, don’t shop.” It’s not that Calum disagrees with cause — because he doesn’t, he wholeheartedly thinks kill shelters are awful — he’s just confused as to how he got stuck in this mess with a 20 pound bag of dog food thrown over his shoulder.

He tries to make his way out of the mess of people, but he’s in the back of the crowd near the entrance to the pet store, not on the end nearest to the parking lot. He begins maneuvering his way through the mass of people who have began shouting “Adopt, don’t shop!” in unison, but it’s difficult when they’re all cramped together and he’s carrying a bag of food the size of a toddler.

“Hey, do you have a minute to answer a few questions?” Suddenly, a massive camera is close to his face and Calum nearly slams his nose into it. 

“Whoa, okay, hello,” he says as he stumbles back slightly, avoiding the camera-to-face contact. He’s thrown off kilter by the heavy bag of dog food he has slung over his shoulder and he nearly falls down. The boy with the camera extends out his arm to help Calum stabilize himself. He grabs on and balances himself. Calum’s fingers linger for a moment over the tan skin on the other boy’s forearm before he retracts his hand. 

“Oh, hey, sorry, sorry. Are you good?” Calum nods his affirmation as he adjusts the bag back onto his shoulder. He looks up at the boy who helped him with curious eyes — mostly about why he shoved a camera in his face and nearly knocked him to the ground in the middle of a protest.

The explanation comes a second later. “My name is Ashton, I’m a documentarian,” the boy behind the camera says. He has honey blonde curls that fall in a mess around his face and there’s a pair of glasses perched on his nose that frame hazel eyes perfectly. Calum has to actively try not to swoon when a small smile grows on his face and dimples deep as craters pop up. “I’m making a movie about kill shelters. Would you mind answering some questions about today’s event?” 

Calum is so taken aback by the straightforwardness of this guy — or maybe it’s his radiating smile — that he’s at a loss for words for a moment. When he finally does process the question, all he cam manage is, “Um, I’m actually, um —“ 

(Future Calum laughs at his own inability to talk around Ashton — it was a pretty common thing for the first few weeks of their relationship. Something about Ashton made Calum lose any capacity to think straight, let alone speak. He was absolutely pathetic.) 

“Can you just follow me? It’s a little loud in here.” Ashton starts to walk away before Calum can gather the words to tell him he actually isn’t an active participant in this rally. Calum sighs. He doesn’t want to be rude and just walk away, and his budding curiosity about this cute documentarian, Ashton, drives his feet to carry him after the bouncing honey colored curls. Ashton makes quite good progress on pushing his way out of the crowd compared to Calum’s failed attempt to make an escape earlier. 

They meet back up in open space on the outskirts of the protest and Ashton begins adjusting settings on his camera. Seeing the opportunity to explain himself, Calum starts to come clean his situation. “I’m not actually here for the rally,” he laughs awkwardly, running his free hand over the back of his neck. He can feel the hem of his t-shirt creep up slightly, exposing a patch of his lower abdomen above his jeans. “I was just trying to pick up some dog food and I came back outside to all of this.” He directs a shrug and a half smile at Ashton, who seemed to be checking out the exposed skin on Calum’s stomach before his hazel eyes meet Calum’s brown ones.

Ashton stifles a small laugh, his eyes remaining glued to Calum’s. He fails to contain it, though, and the sound falls from his mouth like chirp. Calum likes the sound of his laugh. It’s more of a giggle — sweet and innocent and cheerful and genuine. “Well, that’s shit luck, isn’t it?” Calum nods in agreement. “Well, in the spirit of honestly, you’re the first person I’ve tried to talk to that actually acknowledged me instead of screaming in my face.”

Calum laughs. “Yeah, tough crowd,” he answers. He looks back over his shoulder at the group of people, which only looks larger from where he stands now. He squints against the bright sun, wishing he didn’t leave his sunglasses in the car, before turning back to Ashton. 

“Would you mind answering my questions anyways?” Ashton asks after a minute. “I mean, I know you’re not involved and all, but it might be nice to have an outsiders point of view.” Ashton seems extremely comfortable talking to strangers. It comes with the territory of being a filmmaker, Calum supposes, but Ashton is confident and self-assured and easy to talk to. That ease draws Calum into him more.

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Calum says, running a hand back through his hair. He sets the bag of dog food down on the pavement beside him and when he straightens back up, Ashton has his camera pointed in his face. It’s really intimidating — the sheer size of the camera makes Calum feel like he’s some sort of celebrity shooting their next Oscar-worthy film. He feels the slight tinge of nerves he used to get before a big soccer game or an important exam, and he’s not sure if it’s because he’s about to make his documentary debut or because the camera guy’s smile is so bright and enticing that he has to squint a little to see properly. 

“Okay, so, what brings you here—“ Ashton cuts himself off as soon as Calum raises his eyebrows. They both laugh. “I’m sorry,” Ashton says through his giggles. “I just need it on film,” he continues, tapping the lens of the camera. “Oh, and if you could introduce yourself and what you do for a living.” 

“Alright…I’m Calum. I’m an architect. I’m here because I got stuck in a crowd of kill shelter protestors while trying to get dog food.” 

Ashton laughs from behind the camera, but it’s a short, silent one. He stabilizes the camera on his shoulder. He takes a moment to consider his next question before asking. “Okay, Calum the Architect. Why do you disagree with the practices of kill shelters?” 

“It just sucks, you know?” Calum blurts out without much thought. “Like, I get that there’s so many dogs and cats and animals that no one ever adopts and there are issues with overcrowding, but they don’t deserve to _die_ because of that. We don’t kill orphaned kids when they don’t get adopted.” Calum pauses, thinking he may have taken it too far, but Ashton simply nods.

(Calum laughs at this point in the story, because the way Ashton tells it makes him sound like a complete lunatic who may be advocating for killing orphans.) 

“You really got a good point there,” Ashton agrees after a minute. His eyes drift down to the bag on dog food on the sidewalk while he forms his next question. “Did you adopt your dog?” 

Calum smiles, thinking about when he got Guinness. “Yeah, I did. I mean, he was just a puppy when I got him, so he was one of those ones that always gets scooped up from the shelter quickly, but yeah. I adopted him. Best decision of my life.” The Labrador was so tiny — the smallest one in the shelter, for sure. Calum picked him out instantly. His big floppy ears and oversized paws were hard for him to resist. 

“Do you think that’s where the issue comes from? People wanting to adopt puppies and leaving the older dogs and animals in the shelters?” 

“Oh, for sure,” Calum starts. He pauses for a moment to think about the question. “I mean, I think breeders are at fault for that, too. But the idea of a cute little puppy is what everyone thinks about when they get a dog, not an older dog. People don’t want to deal with the prospect of having an emotionally damaged dog or a dog that’s too old to train how they want to. It sucks, but it’s the truth.” Calum shrugs and silently questions his own decision to adopt a puppy over an older dog. He shakes the thought from his head and silently promises himself to adopt an older dog from a shelter when he’s ready to take on another pet. 

“Okay, last question,” Ashton says. Calum feels his heart sink slightly. He doesn’t want this exchange with Ashton to end. His face behind the camera lens is giving him a perfect excuse to soak in all of his appearance without being too outwardly obvious about it. “What do you hope protesting something like this will do for the future of kill shelters?” Ashton tugs his bottom lip between his teeth and Calum quickly averts his eyes. He wanted to take in all of Ashton, but watching Ashton suck on his lip was a little too much for him to handle if he wanted to speak.

“Um…” Calum says, still distracted by just the thought Ashton’s mouth. He tries to stop thinking about it and start thinking about dying dogs so he can give a coherent answer. “Yeah, I hope it brings attention to how the practice should be put out of business? Sorry, that’s a shit answer, but it’s all I got,” he says with a shrug.

Ashton smiles and lowers his camera. “Thank you so much for your help. Seriously, you’re the only nice person I’ve met here today.” He offers a shy smile as he pushes the frame of his glasses back up his nose when they begin to slide down. “If you don’t mind, could I get your phone number?” Calum’s heart skips a beat. “For followup questions or anything,” Ashton laughs after a period of awkward silence, where Calum is just watching him, waiting to see if his ears deceived him now.

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Calum answers with an embarrassed laugh. Ashton pulls his phone out of his pocket and offers it to Calum to enter his phone number. Calum quickly types in his number and hands the phone back.

“Seriously, thank you for your help, Calum the Architect,” Ashton grins. Calum lets his eyes linger over the way Ashton’s bright green eyes light up and pierce into him, even through the thick glasses between them. He finds himself surveying all of Ashton, actually, because there is something about that giggle that he finds intoxicating. Calum finds himself wondering what his blonde ringlets smell like. For whatever reason, the first two things that come to his mind are coconuts and sunblock. 

“Anyways, I’m gonna try and go get some more footage,” Ashton says softly. He starts to step away from where they stand, but he lingers. “I’ll definitely text you about followup stuff, though. Or something,” Ashton smiles lightly, and Calum can’t help but think that the added ‘or something’ has some sort of flirty undertone.

A small smirk grows on Calum’s face. “Yeah, follow up questions or something. It was nice to meet you.” Calum scoops the bag of dog food up off the ground, and by the time he’s upright again, Ashton is already submerging himself in the crowd of protestors.

Calum watches from a distance for a minute. He watches Ashton interact with people, the way he greets everyone with a cheerful smile, the way his contagious laugh doesn’t seem to affect anyone else the way if affected him. Calum heads back to his car with the hope that Ashton has a few follow up questions.

+++ 

“I knew that I wanted to meet you, to be with you even, the second I saw you holding that massive bag of dog food, looking like a lost puppy,” Ashton says in the recording. Calum beams. He fiddles with the wire on his headphones while he listens to his boyfriend wrap up the story.

“I know I’ve told you this a million and ten times, but I was _so_ nervous to talk to you that day. Like, about to throw up the entire contents of my stomach nervous. And when I asked for your number…” Ashton pauses to laugh. “Good thing I didn’t have a heart attack right then and there.

“So, that’s it. That’s our first story, Calum Hood. The beginning of our story. The day we met. I hope it did it justice and you’re not sitting there wondering how long until I come home so you can break up with me.” Ashton laughs and the sound makes Calum let out a snort. “I love you. I’ll ‘talk’ to you tomorrow. Bye.” 

The recording ends suddenly and abruptly and Calum would do anything to have his boyfriend in their bed, next to him, his face nuzzled against Calum’s neck while Calum trailed his fingers through Ashton’s curls. The next two weeks would be the longest of Calum’s life, but at least he has Ashton’s voice in these tapes to remind him why he loves that boy so much. He takes a deep breath of Ashton’s scent that still lingers all of their bedroom. He’s everywhere — in the pillows, the sheets, the comforter. Calum rolls out of bed and heads over to the dresser where Ashton keeps his clothes. He pulls out one of his t-shirts and puts it on himself, relishing in that clean and fresh and somewhat tropical scent that Ashton always had, not matter what detergent or shampoo or cologne he was using. Calum rolls back onto their bed, not wanting to move from from that spot until his boyfriend comes home.

He eyes the box of tapes the sit at the edge of the bed and pleads with some higher power that tomorrow comes quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so! much! fluff! to! come!  
> these first few chapter updates might come a little faster than the later ones because i have the first few already done  
> come chat on [tumblr](http://cashtonjpg.tumblr.com)  
> kudos/comments/etc. are always appreciated xo


	3. the day of our first date

The next day does not come quickly. Calum tries to busy himself cleaning the apartment and playing with the dogs and looking over blueprints for the apartment complex he is working on, but none of it is able to distract him from the box of tapes the is now sitting on the kitchen table. It’s taunting him, calling him in to forget about Ashton’s rules and listen to every single one tonight, but he knows he can’t do that, and he doesn’t really want to. He wants to be able to cherish a single memory every day until Ashton comes home. So, he resists.

Calum settles into bed early, in the hopes that his running around with two excited dogs all day had exhausted him enough to fall asleep easily. He tosses and turns for hours on end, though, and when his body finally lets him fall asleep, he dreams that Ashton is home, in bed with him with his strong arms draped across Calum’s bare stomach. 

When he wakes up, he feels like he hasn’t slept at all. It’s early — the sun has barely risen and the room is still fairly dark. On a normal Sunday, he would roll over and go back to bed for a few more hours. Or he would “accidentally” wake up Ashton and entice him to have lazy, sleepy morning sex. Either way, today is not a typical Sunday, and Calum is wide awake the second his eyes open.

He set up the tape next to his bed the night before so he could stay huddled in the warm blankets and pretend like Ashton’s comforting voice was coming from beside him, not from a set of headphones. He sticks the ear buds into his ears and presses play on the Walkman.

“Morning, sunshine,” Ashton’s voice chirps. “Well, I’m assuming it’s morning when you’re listening to this, because you have no patience and I’m sure you just had to listen first thing.” Calum smiles at the accuracy.

“This is another one of my favorite stories. I mean, all of these are my favorite stories, but I really love this one. This is the day of our first date.”

+++ 

Calum is about to give up on Ashton ever contacting him. They had met over a week ago, and Ashton has never so much as texted him to ask “follow up questions.” He is frustrated and annoyed and a little bit sad because Ashton was cute and funny and creative and nice.

And then, as if it was a gift from God, Calum’s phone lights up with a text from an unknown number one night when he’s mindlessly watch TV.

(8:42 P.M.) **Hey, it’s Ashton**

Calum’s heart beats faster, but he ignores the text for 10 minutes so he does seem _too_ available. When it comes an acceptable time to answer, he’s at a loss for words. He deletes and retypes the message at least 5 times. It’s stupid, and Calum knows it is, but he can’t help it. He wants to seem interested, but casual. Willing, but not desperate. 

(8:57 P.M.) _Hey, what’s up?_

Calum can’t believe it took him so long to muster up such a simple text. He laughs out loud at himself and leans back into the smooth leather of his couch. Guinness jumps up and lays beside his, resting his head on Calum’s lap and nudging his hand with a wet nose. Calum smiles and pets the dog slowly. He tries to distract himself with the reruns of old shows that are playing on the television in front of him, but his eyes flash over to his phone every few seconds, anxious for a response from Ashton. He nearly jumps off the couch when his phone buzzes.

(9:01 P.M.) **Do you want to hang out sometime?**

He’s shocked by the forwardness in the best way possible, but after a moment, Calum realizes how platonic the statement sounds. “Hang out” and “go out” were two completely different things. This time, Calum shocks himself with his own forwardness.

(9:03 P.M.) _As in a date or?_

He presses send before he can regret it and tosses his phone a few feet away. He gets up from the couch, reluctant to disturb Guinness but wanting a beer. He pulls a cold one from the fridge and uses the bottle opener magnet off the fridge to crack it open. He takes a few long sips of the drink. His phone vibrates on the couch and Guinness pops his head up at the sound. He gives Calum a knowing look — well, as much of a knowing look as a dog can give someone. Calum smiles to himself and pads back to the couch. 

(9:04 P.M.) **If you want it to be**

What kind of answer is that? He asked a pretty simple yes or no question, and Ashton had to come back at him with an “if you want”? Calum lets out a long sigh and shakes his head. If Ashton isn’t about to take initiative, Calum is going to.

(9:05 P.M.) _Date it is. Time and place?_

Guinness looks up at his owner with his round, chocolate eyes that match Calum’s. “Dad’s got a date!” Calum laughs as he scratches behind the dogs ears. He knows how ridiculous it all is — his best friend has four legs and doesn’t speak the same language as him, but Calum wasn’t about to call up his mom or someone and tell her about his date and Luke and Michael would just prod him with big brother-esque questions, 1/2 of the best friend duo being younger than him.

(9:07 P.M.) **State park on Sunday at noon?**

Calum furrows his eyebrows at Ashton’s response, mostly because who goes on dates at state parks on Sundays at noon? Ashton does, apparently, and Calum isn’t about to turn down an opportunity to spend his afternoon with the brightest light of a human he has ever met. 

(9:08 P.M.) _See you then_

(9:09 P.M.) **Wear comfortable clothes**

Calum knocks back a few more sips of his beer, then settles back onto the couch with Guinness. He tries to distract himself until it’s time to go to bed, but his heart skips a beat every time he thinks about hazel eyes.

+++ 

The four days between when Ashton asked Calum out and the day of their actual date feel like an eternity.

(Future Calum relates to Past Calum in the moment — time away from Ashton was a million times longer than time with Ashton.)

When Sunday finally does roll around, Calum tries to sleep in as late as he can. He knows that he won’t be able to get anything productive done in the morning, so he lays in bed for as long as he can. Guinness comes around the side of the bed and starts nudging him and whining, though, so he has to force himself up to feed him.

He occupies himself with chores until it’s time to leave. He had strategically planned his route the day before so he wouldn’t arrive too early or too late, but he subconsciously speeds a little, probably due to excited nerves, and pulls into the parking lot a few minutes before noon. He pulls the keys from the ignition and leans against the hood of his car, hoping that Ashton will spot him when he arrives.

Calum’s dark hair is a mess of short curls, matted down in some areas from sleep. He spent way longer than necessary picking out his outfit — a slightly fitted dark green t-shirt and black basketball shorts. He figured that the setting of their date and Ashton’s cryptic “wear comfortable clothes” text had to mean they were doing something at least remotely active. He pulls down his sunglasses that were resting on top of his head so they shield his eyes from the sun. It’s a beautiful day out — warm and sunny with a slight breeze that ruffles Calum’s hair and his shirt the slightest bit. 

Ashton sees Calum before Calum sees Ashton. He parks his car a few spots away and strides over to Calum in a pair of basketball shorts, a white t-shirt, and a red bandana tied around his head, flattening down his honey blonde curls. He’s not wearing his glasses, which makes Calum a little sad — he likes the way they frame those hazel eyes that he’s been dreaming about. “Hey,” Ashton chirps when he’s a few feet away from Calum.

“Hey, how are you?” Calum answers him with a smile. Ashton begins to extend his arms for a hug, but retracts them awkwardly on second thought. Calum stifles a laugh and reaches out. He pulls Ashton into a seemingly innocent bro-hug, but he lets his body press against Ashton’s slightly. Calum can feel his lean muscles beneath his t-shirt. 

They pull back from the hug and just take each other in for a minute. “Ready to hike?” Ashton says after a few seconds. 

Calum rolls his eyes. Of course this guy loves hiking. “As ready as I’ll ever be,” he answers.

Ashton leads the way up a pathway into the park. Large ridges surround them on both sides and Ashton takes it upon himself to start climbing up the steepest path. Calum stands at the bottom with his hands on his hips. Ashton turns back when he realizes Calum’s absence and smiles.

“Coming?” Ashton laughs.

“Are you trying to get me killed?” Calum eyes the ridge that Ashton intends on climbing with hesitation. There’s a distinct, paved path, but it’s clearly the hardest way to get up to the top. There are at least a dozen other, easier ways to get to the top.

Ashton giggles again. “Live a little, Calum,” he smirks down at him. Calum furrows his brows and takes it as a challenge. If there was one thing Calum is, it’s competitive. He starts up the steep pathway after Ashton. 

While it is the most grueling way to get to the top of the ridge, it’s also the fastest. Both boys are too out of breath and focused on climbing the rocky path to talk much, so they just enjoy each others company for awhile. Calum thinks it’s the weirdest first date he’s ever been on, but he enjoys the view of Ashton’s ass he’s getting while climbing behind him. 

When they finally reach the top, the view around them is breathtaking. The tops of thick trees are all that’s visible for miles around. It’s quiet and serene and just _nice._

“Worth it?” Ashton asks as him and Calum look across the horizon. 

Calum smiles. “Worth it.” Ashton takes a seat on the ground and takes a long sip from the water bottle he had been carrying with him. He offers it to Calum, who takes a quick sip without thinking about swapping saliva with Ashton, before handing it back. “Tell me about your job,” Calum says when he’s caught his breath from their hike.

“What do you want to know?” Ashton answers. He adjusts his bandana over his forehead. 

Calum shrugs. “I don’t know. What kind of movies have you made? What do you do? Tell me all about it. It sounds cool.” 

Ashton smiles and his dimples come out full force. Calum presses his lips together in a tight line to contain the way those dimples make him feel. “I do a lot of stuff,” Ashton says. “Nothing big, just a few small things here and there, like the kill shelter one. That’s in post now, getting edited and everything. I usually work with a few other guys for research and filming and stuff. I’m usually the brains behind the operation. Like, I come up with the ideas for the films and direct them.” Calum loves the way Ashton’s face lights up when he talks about his job. It’s the cutest thing he has ever seen. 

“I’m really passionate about accessible water around the world. It’s my dream to get to travel to the Middle East and Africa and Asia and volunteer and make movies about the water crises there. That’s what I really want to do.” Ashton nods slowly and presses his lips together, like he’s deep in thought. Calum smiles.

“That’s really incredible, Ashton. That sounds incredible,” is all Calum can manage to say. He’s too astounded by Ashton’s passion and kindness and _beauty._

“What about you, Mr. Architect? What kind of things are you architect-ing?” Ashton questions.

Calum smiles. “Architect-ing,” he laughs lightly, shaking his head. “I do residential. Apartment buildings, mostly. I just help hire construction crews and oversee that kind of thing, but I really want to get into actual planning and creating. Designing buildings, you know? Just a dream, though. That takes a hell of a lot of experience,” Calum confides in him. 

“You can do it,” Ashton reassures him. “If I can make films about the water crisis, you can design buildings.” 

Something about the way Ashton talks or the way he places a reassuring hand on Calum’s leg or the way he gives a half smile and only one dimple comes up makes Calum believe that he’s right. They sit like that — on top of the ridge, looking out over the land — for what seems like days and seconds at the same time. 

“You wanna go get something to eat? A juice or something?” Ashton asks after a lull in the conversation. 

Calum furrows his eyebrows of the mention of _a juice,_ because seriously, who is this guy? 

(Future Calum laughs, because even in the past two years of his relationship with the health nut that is Ashton Irwin, he still can’t wrap his head around _green juice._ )

The trip down the pathway turns out to be a lot more difficult than Calum anticipated. It’s not as physically taxing as the walk up, but the steep incline and small bits of rubble that litter the path cause him to lose his footing and nearly crash down on top of Ashton a few times. When they finally make it to the bottom, they both awkwardly stare at their car keys for a minute. “You know, I don’t live that far away,” Calum eventually says. “You can follow me and I can drop off my car, if you want.” 

Ashton nods. “Sounds like a plan.” They hop into their cars and peel out of the parking lot. Calum nearly crashes his car when he watches Ashton in his rearview mirror, singing and drumming on his steering wheel. He smiles when Ashton catches his eye in the mirror watching him and gives him a wave. 

When they get back to Calum’s apartment, he quickly pulls into his usual space and jogs over to Ashton’s car. He hops into the dark red SUV and is instantly hit with an overwhelming scent of something fruity and tropical. He likes it — it’s very Ashton. 

Soft music plays from the radio, something indie and acoustic, but they talk over it. “I love this place,” Ashton tells Calum when he asks where they’re going. “It’s kind of weird — like vegan, hippie vibes — but they have _the best_ cold pressed juices and smoothies.” Calum wonders when the best time to time him that he hates cold pressed juices is. They’re pulling into the parking lot before he can say anything.

Ashton orders for both of them, per Calum’s request, because he’s overwhelmed by the size of the menu and everything on it sounds less than appealing. He takes a seat at a table by the window and Ashton comes over with two dark green drinks in clear plastic go cups with straws poking out of the top. 

“Kale, spinach, lemon, and green apple,” Ashton says when he places Calum’s drink down on the table in front of him. “It’s my favorite.”  
Calum bites the inside of his cheek. The drink looks like something that was extracted from a baby’s diaper, but he has to suck it up and try it. Or he could risk ruining their date, which he really considers for a moment. But, he’s too into Ashton to let that happen. He pulls the straw between his lips and takes a small sip. It’s tart and earthy at the same time. He tries not to make a face when the flavor hits his tongue, but Ashton is watching closely and he notices.

“Oh my God, you hate it. Oh, God, I’m so stupid. I didn’t even ask you if you liked juice. I’m so dumb,” Ashton rambles. He buries his face in his hands as his cheeks progressively grow more red. Calum feels awful, but he has a very expressive face and he can’t contain it sometimes.

“Ashton, don’t worry about it. It’s fine,” Calum tells him.

Ashton looks up from his hands. “Are you sure?” 

Calum manages a smile, despite the lingering taste of dirty apples that’s lingering in his mouth. “It’s fine. Just not really my thing.”

“What is your thing, then, Calum?” Ashton asks. He gnaws at the straw in his own juice, which looks just as unappealing as Calum’s, but he seems to be enjoying it.

“You sure you want to know?” Calum laughs, an idea coming to his head. Ashton nods as he takes a sip from his juice. Calum gets up from the table, leaving his juice behind, and Ashton follows. He snatches up Calum’s juice as well as his own. Might as well drink both and not waste. 

They get back into the car and Calum directs Ashton without telling him where they’re going. They pull until the Taco Bell parking lot a few minutes later, and Ashton gives Calum a dumbfounded look. “You’re kidding. I can’t put that in my body.” 

Calum rolls his eyes. “Oh, come on, live a little,” he smirks, using Ashton’s own words from earlier against him. Ashton smiles back at him and parks the car. The drive through line is beyond long, so they go inside. Calum orders for both of them this time — Doritos tacos, Cinnabon Delites, and Baja Blasts. Their food comes quickly — it is fast food, after all — and Calum proposes they go back to his apartment so they can properly enjoy it. 

He doesn’t think much of inviting Ashton back to his place when he says it, mostly because their date feels a lot more like hanging out with a friend. Ashton, on the other hand, gets a little flustered and drops his car keys and blushes a bright shade of red. He recovers quickly and pulls himself together enough to drive back to Calum’s apartment.

It’s kind of messy when they walk in. Calum hadn’t expected to have a guest, let alone have Ashton, in his apartment, so he didn’t bother to clean up the blueprints on the coffee table or the pile of dishes in the sink. Ashton doesn’t seem to mind, though.

Guinness normally isn’t very receptive to strangers when they first walk into the apartment, but he practically knocks Ashton down when he walks through the door. Calum smiles as he watches Ashton bend down to scratch the dog behind his ears. “I’ve heard all about you,” Ashton coos at Guinness while Calum sets their food down on the coffee table in the living room.

“Okay, so we have all our bases covered. Tacos, dessert, beverage. Dig in,” Calum smiles at Ashton when he joins him on the couch.

“This is so not healthy,” Ashton groans as he picks up a taco. He tilts his head to take a bite of it. A droplet of grease drips out of his mouth and down his chin. “But so good…” he groans again. “Why are you opening my eyes to the glories of fast food, Calum Hood?” 

Calum laughs and takes a bite of his own taco. “Because it’s so much better than drinking your vegetables.” Ashton smiles and wipes the grease from his chin with a napkin. Calum is thankful he noticed it on his own because he doesn’t think he’s ready for one of those cliche movie “you have something on your face” moments quite yet. 

They laugh over their Taco Bell meal for the next hour. Calum sneaks a few bites of his taco to Guinness, who has continued to put on weight over the past few years for some inexplicable reason, and Ashton talks about his desire to travel and see the world and make movies about every second of it. Calum listens intently because his voice is sweet and cheerful and excited and enticing and he can’t help put drink up every word that Ashton says. 

The sun has begun to set when Ashton finally drops the, “I should probably get going,” bomb. Calum knows they should wrap up their date — he has a dog to take care of and work in the morning and they’re already spent a ridiculous amount of time together for a first date.

“I have to walk Guinness,” Calum says. “I’ll walk you out, give me a second.” He grabs the dog leash from the hook by the door and calls Guinness over. He hooks him up on the leash while Ashton strides over to meet them at the door. Calum lets Ashton head out first and follows him with his dog.

When they reach the front of Ashton’s car, they have that awkward moment of “I want to kiss you goodbye because this was a great first date but I don’t want to instigate it so can you do it first thanks.” 

“I had a lot of fun, Cal,” Ashton says shyly. “We should do it again sometime.” 

Calum smiles. “We should. Maybe next time you can actually ask me those follow up questions.”

Ashton lets out a short laugh, but he doesn’t use his words to respond. He kisses the smile off Calum’s face with a short peck. His lips linger over Calum’s for a moment, their breath reeking of Mexican fast food, but neither caring.

Calum is jutted back from Ashton and out of the moment by Guinness tugging on his leash. He practically drags Calum off and away from Ashton. Both boys laugh and shake their heads. “Text me,” Calum calls out after Ashton as Guinness continues dragging him away from the car. Ashton laughs and waves before stepping into his car.

Once Ashton has pulled out of building’s parking lot, Calum turns his attention back to his dog. “You know I love you, but you really ruin everything.”

+++ 

Calum is borderline teary-eyed. “I still can’t believe Guinness ruined our first kiss,” Ashton says in the recording. “What a rascal. Gunner would never play us like that.” Calum laughs in sync with Ashton’s giggle.

“Another day done, then, Cal. I think that was probably the most dysfunctional first date ever, and I haven’t eaten Taco Bell since, but it was the day that I realized that we could really and truly _be_ together. Like, I could spend the rest of my life with you level together. We have our differences, but that’s what I love about us, about you. You can eat all the Taco Bell in the world, but I’m still going to drink my green juice and tell you about how your body is a temple — which, by the way, in case I haven’t told you recently, your body is a temple.

“That’s all I’ve really got for this one, babe. I hope I didn’t leave anything important out. If I did, feel free to lodge a formal complaint in 13 days. I miss you. I love you. I’ll ‘talk’ to you tomorrow. Bye.”

When the recording ends, Calum pulls out the headphones and lets himself fall back asleep for a little while. He dreams about curly blonde hair matted down with sweat and green juice that doesn’t taste like it was dug directly out of the ground and placed into the cup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> crazy how i shed tears while writing _and_ editing this!!!!  
>  please leave kudos/comments/etc. and/or send me feedback on [tumblr!!!](http://cashtonjpg.tumblr.com) xoxo


	4. the day we did it

Calum has made a terrible mistake.

He slept in for far too long after his alarm started blaring. He was used to having Ashton there to whack him a few times before he left to take the dogs out. Ashton is a morning person, chirpy and excited to get his day going as soon as the first ray of sunlight rises over the horizon. Calum hates that and loves it at the same time — it gets him off of early morning dog duty, he usually has breakfast waiting for him when he finally gets out of bed, and he’s more motivated to get up when Ashton’s body is no longer keeping his warm. Ashton is just sometimes _too much_ at 6AM when Calum would kill for another hour of sleep. 

So, when Calum’s alarm goes off in the morning and Ashton isn’t there to gently wake him up and tell him to get ready for work, Calum accidentally lets himself get the extra hour of sleep. He wakes up in a daze, but he’s instantly wide awake the second he checks the time on his phone. He rushes around the apartment, trying to get himself ready and take care of the dogs and get together his stuff for work, and when he’s pulling on his shoes, he sees the Walkman on his nightstand and remembers the tapes. 

Calum stuffs the cassette player into his “work bag” — essentially a nice looking backpack — along with the day 3 tape. He figures he can listen to it during his lunch break or in the car or when he has some downtime throughout the day. He slides into his Jeep a few minute later than usual, but makes up for it by speeding a few miles per hour above the speed limit, and somehow pulls into the worksite on time. 

He essentially forgets about the tape throughout the morning. The project they’re working on — a new development of condos and apartments — is the first one Calum is really spearheading the design of. He has finally gotten to the aspect of architecture that he always wanted to pursue and he has fully immersed himself in his work. He loves it. 

When lunch roles around, Calum sits along a wall with a few guys from the construction crews and talks for awhile. He remembers the cassette after a few minutes, though, so he excuses himself and moves a few feet away so he can listen closely. He would wait until he got off work for the day, but he’s too excited to wait, so he pops the tape into the Walkman and presses play.

“Hey, babe. Happy Monday, your favorite day of the week. I hope you didn’t have an awful time this morning without me.” Calum smiles, because of course Ashton would be able to predict Calum’s Monday morning struggle without his boyfriend by his side. Calum doesn’t know how he survived before they moved in together.

“I hope you’re not in a particularly public area right now, because this one might get a little raunchy.” And that’s when Calum realizes he has made a terrible mistake. He looks around him and sees the dozens of construction workers on all sides. He blushes as if they could hear what Ashton was saying through his headphones. “I mean, I’m not going to go into detail, but this is the day we _did it_ for the first time.” 

Calum shuts off the tape as soon as Ashton says it. There was no way he would be able to get through the story without popping a boner, regardless of how little detail Ashton planned on going into. He stuffs the Walkman and vows to listen to the tape the minute he gets home later.

The rest of the work day passes at a snails pace, probably because Calum knows what is awaiting him when he gets home. After he’s walked the dogs and made himself a quick dinner, he heads into the bedroom and lets the dogs jump up onto the bed to cuddle with him. Usually they try to keep them off the bed so they don’t get used to it, but in Ashton’s absence, Calum is in need of some cuddle time, so he makes the exception. He rewinds the tape back a few seconds before pressing play.

It picks up in the middle of Ashton’s sentence. “— to go into detail, but this is the day we _did it_ for the first time.”

+++ 

Calum doesn’t really know what came over him when he decided to invite Ashton over his apartment with thinly veiled intentions of Netflix and chill-ing him. They had gone on a few dates — coffee at a place Ashton assured served things that were not fresh and green, a movie and dinner at an Italian restaurant Calum chose, drinks one day after Calum got off work. They had even gotten a little cheesy and had a picnic (Calum selected the menu, but Ashton did all the cooking). There were a few hot and heavy make out sessions, too, but it was still new and casual and they had never been in a situation where they could have sex if they wanted to.

For some reason, though, a wave of confidence and maybe a little sexual frustration rushed over Calum and he texted Ashton to come over and watch a movie and maybe cook dinner for them since Calum is hopeless in the kitchen, and Ashton quickly answered that it was a date.

So, here Calum is, furiously cleaning his apartment, but also trying to make it look like he didn’t clean for Ashton and it was always this neat. He doesn’t know what the point is — Ashton came into his absolutely trashed apartment on their first date and didn’t seem to care. It must be something to do with the possibility of sleeping with Ashton or maybe just the fact that their relationship is starting to actually become something and Calum wants to impress him into falling for him. 

There’s a soft rap on the door while Calum is changing his sweatpants for the third time — he wasn’t sure if grey was too obviously a “look at my dick” plea, but black didn’t leave any possibility for a “look at my dick” plea, so he settled on dark grey, a happy medium. He shuffles to the door and pulls it open. Ashton steps through the doorway quickly, his hands full over grocery bags. “It’s about time. My hands are about to fall off,” he laughs as he walks past Calum to the kitchen, where he sets the bags down.

Calum lets himself stare at the way Ashton’s lean muscles strain and bulge as he carries the heavy bags. His grey t-shirt with the sleeves haphazardly cut off gives Calum a glorious view of his biceps in their entirety. Once he has set all the grocery bags down on the counter, he bounds over to Calum and presses a slow, lingering kiss to his full lips. When Ashton pulls away, Calum pushes forward to reconnect their lips. 

A small giggle escapes Ashton’s lips as he steps back. “After dinner,” he warns Calum. Calum pouts but obliges when his stomach grumbles softly at the mention of food. 

“What are we having?” Calum asks as Ashton begins taking out ingredients and setting them down on the counter in neat piles. 

“Green juice,” Ashton grins. Calum knows he’s joking, but it’s a cruel joke to play. Ashton had been picking on him for his aversion to all things healthy since their first date. “Homemade pizzas,” Ashton finally tells him as he holds up two pre-made pizza doughs. “Well, kinda homemade. I’m too lazy to figure out how to make dough.” 

Calum closes the distance between him and Ashton and enters the kitchen area. He surveys the ingredients that Ashton has taken out — a jar of sauce, a hefty amount of fresh mozzarella cheese, mushrooms, peppers, and pepperoni among a few other vegetables that he has no plans to put on his pizza.

Ashton shows Calum how to spread out the pizza dough on a sheet pan and supervises as he slices up the pepperoni so he doesn’t cut his finger off. Calum casually smears sauce across Ashton’s face when he’s concentrating on arranging olives on his pizza and he’s shocked when it doesn’t start an all out food war. 

Once their pizzas are out of the oven and cooled enough to be cut up, they settle onto the couch and begin perusing through Netflix for some movie to put on. They settle on some dumb looking comedy because they’re both aware it’s just going to be background noise to their talking.

They had already covered a lot of the bases on their other dates — they talked about their families and their friends and their jobs, then moved onto things like music and movies and hobbies in general (which made Calum realize he has literally none except for occasionally playing the guitar). It was getting to the point in their relationship or whatever it was they were doing where they were actually finding out if they were compatible. But, as the conversation flowed seamlessly from Calum’s guilty pleasure in R&B music to the time Ashton fell out of a tree when he was 9 to the first time each of them experienced someone close to them dying, they both felt at ease and at peace — like this thing could and would actually work out. 

Their pizza plates have long been discarded onto the coffee table, along with a few empty beer bottles that they polished off while they chatted. Calum has made himself comfortable, kicking up his sock covered feet up onto the couch and draping them over Ashton’s lap. The closeness of the contact, the heat of their bodies mingling, makes Calum feel warm all over. And maybe it’s because he’s feeling a little tipsy from the beers or maybe he just has a random spurt of adrenaline and lust, but he’s suddenly leaning across the couch and pressing his lips to Ashton’s, cutting off his rant about why Sea World really is the place that dreams go to die.

The kiss is slow and passionate and Ashton can feel the longing on Calum’s lips. He drags Calum closer to him, nearly pulling him onto his lap. Calum’s hands find their way into Ashton’s honey curls and he gives his hair a slight tug. Ashton hums against his mouth before taking Calum’s bottom lip between his teeth and biting it lightly. He pulls back from the kiss and grazes his teeth along Calum’s jaw, which elicits a quiet gasp. Calum’s breath hitches as Ashton’s lips and teeth work across his face and down his neck. 

“Bedroom?” Calum whispers, his voice raspy and desperate to get Ashton in his bed as quickly as possible.

Ashton answers with a silent nod and pulls his mouth back from the side of Calum’s neck, where he definitely had just left a small, purple mark. Calum slides off the couch and stumbles slightly. Ashton giggles and Calum shoots him a fake-annoyed look. Ashton trails his fingers down Calum’s arm in place of an apology. Goosebumps rise on Calum’s skin. He takes Ashton’s hand and tugs him onto his feet, and then directs him towards his bedroom. 

They pick up where they left off, with Ashton’s mouth working against Calum’s throat once they’ve settled onto the bed. Ashton makes his way on top of Calum, gaining control over both of them. Calum’s breathing is heavy and uneven. Ashton toys with the hem of Calum’s shirt for a moment before retracting his lips from the base of his throat. Calum sits up slightly as Ashton tugs off Calum’s shirt, then his own. 

Calum reaches up and wraps his arms around the back of Ashton’s neck, the tugs him back down against him. He kisses him so hard and rough that, if it wasn’t for the lust driving him, it might have hurt. Ashton’s lips part, giving Calum full, unhindered access to his mouth. Their tongues meet in the middle, slimy and wet against each other, but charged with passion. A moan slips from Ashton’s open mouth as he grinds his hips down against Calum’s. Calum can feel how hard he is, despite the layers of fabric between then. The sweatpants Calum had pulled on earlier are doing nothing to help disguise his own hard-on.

Ashton hooks his thumbs under the waistband of Calum’s sweatpants and boxers and pulls back from the kiss to meet Calum’s eyes, as if to check if this was okay. “Yeah, yeah, please,” Calum breathes out, and Ashton doesn’t hesitate to pull the rest of Calum’s clothes off. He shifts his weight and wiggles his way down Calum’s body, trailing his lips and his tongue and his teeth down his abdomen. He runs his palms, slightly damp with sweat, over Calum’s thighs as he takes in the image of his hard cock.

“Looks so good,” Ashton says softly as he licks his lips. Calum groans at the feeling of his hot breath over his thighs and crotch. Ashton smirks at the way he makes Calum squirm beneath him. “You like me teasing you?” He raises his eyebrows, his hazel eyes playful but lusty. 

He lets his finger tips graze Calum’s cock, and the subtle touch makes Calum thrust his hips towards Ashton’s for more. “Ugh, Ash…” Calum sighs with a hoarse voice. He swallows hard, the tension between them building a lump in his throat.

“Not yet, baby.” The way the pet name rolls off Ashton’s tongue is patronizing, demeaning almost — but it the best way. Calum’s cock drips with precome, begging for Ashton’s touch. Ashton’s eyes survey the boy beneath him, his eyes fluttering shut and lips pressed together, despite the lack of physical stimulation. Ashton could watch him lay like that, horny and begging for him, for hours.

But then, without much of a warning, Ashton’s tongue is all over Calum, sucking on his balls and licking up the underside of his cock. Calum hums his approval while Ashton pins down his hips to keep him from bucking up towards his mouth. He swirls his tongue around the head and tastes Calum’s precome, before dipping his head and taking more of Calum in his mouth. Calum lets a hand tangle in Ashton’s curls and guides his head. He tries to stifle his moans, but Ashton is so warm and wet around him that he can’t help it. Calum’s breathing grows heavier and Ashton feels Calum’s cock twitch in his mouth, the telltale sign that he’s close to the edge. He pulls his mouth off, the wetness of his mouth and Calum’s cock making a slick popping sound.

Calum tugs Ashton’s face back up to meet his. He presses a long, hard kiss to Ashton’s lips and reaches his free hand down to palm over Ashton’s hard cock through his pants. Ashton groans approval against Calum’s lips. Ashton rolls over and pulls Calum on top of him, and Calum quickly gets to work at pulling Ashton’s pants and boxers off. He thumbs over Ashton’s slit, spreading his precome. A rough groan slips from Ashton’s lips — shockingly different from his sweet, soft giggle. 

Ashton ruts his hips up, looking for any friction he can get. The motion stimulates Calum’s own cock and both boys moan in sync. They continue thrusting their hips, cocks running against each other’s bodies, slick with sweat and precome. 

“Feels so good,” Ashton breathes out. He places his hands on Calum’s shoulders and rolls over on top of him, taking control back. Calum likes it, loves it, even — having Ashton dominate him like this. 

“Gonna be a good boy and let me take care of you?” Ashton rasps. It turns Calum on more, if that’s even possible. He squirms and a soft, squeaky moan comes out to affirm Ashton’s question. Between the friction and the kisses Ashton has started trailing down his neck and Ashton pinning his wrist down, he’s about to come undone in any second.

Ashton pulls back from kissing Calum’s jaw and looks down at his face, his eyes hooded and intense. Calum can see from the way he looks at him that he’s almost reached his climax, and he desperately wants them to come together. “So pretty.” Ashton mutters, his voice husky. He runs a thumb across Calum’s bottom lip. “Come for me?” 

That’s all that it takes for Calum. He’s coming undone a second later over both of their chests. His eyelids flutter and his lips fall apart, taking Ashton’s thumb between them to stifle the loud moan coming from his lips — that’s enough for Ashton to let himself go. Their come mingles over their bodies, and as they both come down from their highs, Ashton falls off of Calum. Their ragged breathing is the only sound echoing throughout the room.

“Wow,” Calum mumbles once he’s able to catch his breath and wrap his head around what just happened. He knew that him and Ashton had chemistry, but that just affirmed everything he thought. Ashton smirks and rolls onto his side. He presses a chaste kiss on Calum’s lips, an unfitting kiss considering what they had just done. 

“Wow is right,” Ashton giggles, bringing Calum back to the sweet, soft boy he knew and not the sexy, dominating guy he became in bed. He figures he can get used to both, equally attractive facets of the boy’s personality.

Calum pushes himself off the bed and disappears into the bathroom. He comes out a moment later, the come on his own chest cleared off and a wet hand towel in his hand. He helps Ashton wipe down before crawling back into bed. Ashton drapes an arm around Calum’s shoulders and Calum snuggles up against his side, inhaling the scents of sweat and skin and that inexplicable tropical scent that mingle together on Ashton’s body. 

The comforter is haphazardly draped across their laps, covering their bodies slightly, but not promoting much modesty. Calum is comfortable with it, though, comfortable with Ashton. Everything feels so effortless and carefree, like he doesn’t need to filter himself around Ashton because he wants Ashton to know every aspect of his being. He thinks that might be what falling in love feels like, but it’s way too soon for him to be thinking like that, because what if Ashton doesn’t feel the same?

They lay still for awhile, breathing and enjoying each other’s silent company. While Calum thinks of falling in love, Ashton’s mind travels to the same topic, and he finds himself fantasizing about a future with the brown boy that is lying quietly in his arms.

+++ 

Ashton ends the story with the familiar chime of his giggle which instinctively makes Calum laugh back. “So, yeah, there’s that one…” Ashton trails off. “I’m happy you’re getting home from work soon because I’ve gotten myself riled up. As for you, listening to this now, sorry? Actually, no, I’m not sorry, because now you’re probably missing me even more and we’ll probably have the best sex when I get home.” He laughs again and Calum rolls onto his stomach. The pressure of the bed against his half hard cock doesn’t feel nearly as good as Ashton’s body all over his.

“I also can’t believe that you Netflixed and chilled me into that one, now that I think about it…” He giggles again, but it’s cut short. “Oh, shit. You’re home. Well, past you is home. That’s all I’ve got, babe. I miss you. I love you. I’ll ‘talk’ to you tomorrow. Bye.” 

Calum smiles to himself because he knows the exact day Ashton must have recorded this. Calum came in from work, tired and hungry, and Ashton was already half hard in his jeans when he kissed Calum in the kitchen. Despite his exhaustion and rumbling stomach, Ashton was insistent on getting him into bed as fast as possible. It all made since now.

The evening sun has set below the horizon while Calum listened to the tape and he occupies himself with a beer and a movie for the evening, wishing that he could cuddle into Ashton’s side and fall asleep in his arms. Netflix and chill just isn’t the same without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ha ha ha ha i've literally never written mlm smut before so this was something else for me but ... i dont think it's that bad??? let me know what you think with comments/kudos/etc. and come chat w me on [tumblr!!!](http://cashtonjpg.tumblr.com) xoxoxo


	5. the day we (you) had too much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alcohol & vomit tw

Calum is more cautious going forward with the tapes. He doesn’t bring Tuesday’s tape with him to work, but sets it aside in the kitchen in the morning so he can listen when he gets home.

He settles onto the couch with a beer after a long, stressful day. Everything that could have gone wrong at the worksite did, and all he wants is to curl up with Ashton and forget the world. Ashton’s voice playing through headphones was going to have to do. Calum presses the play button and sinks further into the couch.

“Hey, Cal. Ash here. Obviously.” He giggles at the lame joke. Calum shakes his head at the idiocy. “Hope all is well at home. Give the boys a pet from me. I don’t have much to say about this one except that it was the first of many times it happened. This is the day, or night, I guess, we, or maybe just you, had a little too much to drink.”

+++ 

Calum was never much for clubbing. In his college days, sure, he loved a good frat party or a dive bar, but big clubs with bright neon lights and thumping bass were never his scene. Ashton was the same way. He wasn’t even much for drinking — something about it tainting your body and not being good for your mental state. But Luke had texted Calum and told him that Michael and a group of guys were all going out, and Calum hadn’t seen his friends in awhile between work and his new boyfriend, so he felt bad turning down the option. Luke and Michael had been curiously prodding Calum about this new mystery man in his life over the past weeks, and Calum figured it was time to introduce Ashton to the two biggest pains in his asses, conveniently also his best friends.

So, that’s how they ended up here, in a club that is too big for anyone to be comfortable, surrounded by bottles of champagne and vodka and whiskey and God knows what else that Michael and Luke had purchased with their music producer salaries. Ashton is practically in Calum’s lap when they get there. They didn’t know what to expect, so they strolled up to the club completely sober — a massive misjudgment on their part.

“Come on, come on,” Michael laughs, shoving shot glasses in their direction. They’re filled to the brim with something a pale golden color, tequila, Calum assumes. Limes and salt make their way around the group in their VIP area — another aspect that is making Calum and Ashton feel out of their element.

Ashton looks a little hesitant when he’s handed a shot glass that’s threatening to spill over. Calum notices the look as he taps salt out onto the back of his hand, and he raises his eyebrows at Ashton. “Not your poison of choice?” Calum smirks. He licks the salt off his hand slowly, keeping his eyes locked with Ashton’s, then knocks back the shot and places the lime wedge in his mouth, chasing the burn from his throat. He sucks the lime slowly and methodically. Ashton watches him with lusty eyes.

“Live a little,” Calum smiles when he pulls the lime from his mouth. That had become their thing, telling each other to live a little, and anytime one of them said it, a spark grew inside the other. It was a challenge. Ashton lines up salt on his hand and licked it off, followed with the shot, and before he could place the lime wedge in his mouth, Calum is chasing the taste off Ashton’s lips with his own mouth. He kisses him slowly, the taste of tequila feeling foreign against the taste of Ashton that Calum has grown to know. 

Ashton smiles against Calum’s lips before pulling back. “I’ll be taking a lot of those tonight if you kiss me like that after every one.” Calum shoots him a grin before placing another lime slice in his mouth and sucking on it gently. 

The group can’t hold much of a conversation over the sound of the music. They could try, but yelling small talk into each others ears seemed less than enjoyable, so they communicate through smiles and nods and singing along to the songs that the DJ is remixing. 

Luke and Michael suspiciously eye Ashton every time he places his hands on or near Calum. They’re curious of this new guy in their best friends life, and as much as they want Calum to be happy, they can’t just let _anyone_ date their best friend. Calum scowls at his friends and giggles in Ashton’s ear throughout the early hours of the night, when the alcohol hasn’t quite washed over everyone enough to make them fully let loose.

A few tequila shots and a whole lot of giggling later, however, everyone is at ease. Michael and Luke have warmed up to the curl haired stranger. They try to get to know him, but the thumping of the bass and the alcohol-induced blurriness is making it all too difficult to communicate. They settle that they’ll have to find another time to get to know each other.

Ashton takes Calum’s hands and drags him out to the dance floor later in the night — or at least he tries to. Calum is still a little hesitant at first. He doesn’t feel drunk enough to be comfortable with dancing quite yet. Ashton, on the other hand, is as tipsy as could be. After quickly knocking back two more shots, Calum lets Ashton take him away, hoping the alcohol will hit before he embarrasses himself too much. The music isn’t much of anything — mostly just the bass thumping through the club so people can move to the beat mixed with the sporadic lyrics of a familiar tune. Calum isn’t much of a dancer, neither is Ashton, but the alcohol coursing through their systems seems to turn them into contestants on _So You Think You Can Dance?_ Or, at least that’s what their alcoholic haze makes them believe. In reality, they grind and dance and make absolute fools of themselves. They don’t have the time and they’re not in the right mindset to be embarrassed, though. 

The music flows together in an endless song, not allowing for any breaks in their dancing. Calum eventually breaks away from Ashton and drags him back to where Michael and Luke are chatting with a few of their other friends and some people he doesn’t recognize. They settle onto a couch together, practically in each others laps. They plant kisses on each others lips, necks, cheeks, ears, anywhere. Between kisses Calum sips mixed drinks, and before long, his eyes are getting sleepy and he doesn’t feel as carefree and loose as he did early. Ashton notices the change instantly.

“You wanna get going?” Ashton asks as he checks the time on his watch — already past 3 in the morning. His subconscious is screaming at him. He needs a good night’s sleep to stay healthy.

Calum lazily nods, his movements as slurred as his speech would be if he opened his mouth. Ashton can tell he took it a little too far — he’s seen Calum drunk before, but never like this. He finds a bottle of water and says his goodbyes and nice to meet yous. Luke and Michael insist on seeing them out, knowing how to deal with drunk-off-his-ass Calum and wanting to get them into a cab safely. 

“You know, Calum doesn’t have any brothers to give you the whole ‘hurt him and I’ll kill you talk,’” Michael explains to Ashton while they wait for a cab. Calum is a few feet away with an arm draped over Luke’s shoulders, drunkenly talking about how they need to hang out more between forced sips of water. “But I’m the closest he’s got to a brother, so it’s my job. So, yeah. Hurt him and I’ll kill you,” Michael laughs at the end, making it hard to take him seriously. Ashton knows what Michael is saying is true, though — from what Calum has told him about Luke and Michael, those boys would die for him. 

“I would never,” Ashton answers, his eyes full of fondness as his glance drifts over to his drunken boyfriend. Michael knows that look — it’s budding love.

“I know you wouldn’t. You seem like a good guy, Ashton. Just be good to him, alright?” Michael smiles and claps his hand onto Ashton’s shoulder. Their cab pulls up a moment later and it takes all three of them to deposit Calum safely in the backseat. Ashton climbs in after him and they make the short trip back to Calum’s apartment. 

When they get back, Ashton takes the key from the hiding spot under the mat where him and Calum hid it earlier — back when they were both sober and rational. In retrospect, the first place a burglar would look for a key is under the mat. They’ll need to come up with a better place next time.

Calum stumbles inside to his bedroom, peeling clothes off as he goes. He’s clearly ready to get into bed, but Ashton has a feeling he’s not going to make it long before his head is in the toilet.

Ashton’s prediction is right, and 10 minutes later he’s rubbing Calum’s bare back as he retches into the toilet. It’s gross, but Ashton puts up with it because he cares more about Calum than he has about anyone else before, and Calum’s half naked body is enough of a distraction from his stomach contents. Ashton traces over Calum tattoos with his fingertips and feeds Calum small sips of water.

“Feel better?” Ashton asks, his voice low and soft, once Calum seems to be done throwing up. Calum takes a small sip of water and nods, his sleepy eyes remaining shut. Ashton helps him off the floor and into bed. 

As much as he hates seeing Calum like this, he finds it funny. Calum did bring it upon himself, after all. The way Calum’s feet drag against the hardwood floor and he collapses onto the bed makes him look like a massive toddler who’s just learned to walk. Ashton stifles a laugh when Calum struggles to drag the comforter up around him. 

Ashton hopes that Calum doesn’t mind him staying the night. They hadn’t discussed it earlier, and he had done it once or twice before, but it was always a planned out thing. He decides that Calum would appreciate him not leaving him to die alone as he strips down to his boxers and climbs into bed. 

Calum groans when the bed shifts under Ashton’s weight as he settles down. “Mhm, hi, babe,” Calum smirks as he rolls over and see’s Ashton’s bare chest beside him. Ashton gasps when Calum begins palming his soft cock over his boxers, then it turns into a giggle.

“You’re drunk, Cal,” he laughs, swatting his boyfriends hand away.

Calum’s eyes are shut, but his eyelids flutter and a look of false insult plays on his face. “Mmm, no, ’m not. Jus’ want you to fuck me,” he laughs softly, his fingertips on Ashton’s abs. He rolls onto his stomach and wiggles his ass in the air. 

Ashton rolls away from his boyfriend, laughing softly. “Sleep it off, baby. I’ll fuck you in the morning.” The promise of morning sex is enough to pacify drunk Calum, and he’s snoring softly in Ashton’s arms a few minutes later. Ashton tries to convince himself that Calum’s vomit breath is endearing, but it’s pretty nasty and he has to adjust to be the big spoon to get away from it.

+++ 

Ashton stirs in the morning when Calum’s weight shifts off the bed, but he isn’t fully awake until Calum’s body is hovering over his and the soft, mint scent of his freshly brushed teeth is wafting into Ashton’s nostrils.

“Morning, beautiful,” Calum whispers when Ashton’s eyes peak open. Calum has deep, dark circles around his bloodshot eyes, but he otherwise looks alright. Great, even. He’s in the same pair of boxer briefs that Ashton put him to bed wearing the night before. Heat radiates from his body and onto Ashton’s, which is no longer covered by the duvet. Calum had already pulled that off him and exposed his bare chest.

“Morning breath,” Ashton shields his mouth when Calum leans down to kiss him. 

Calum rolls his eyes. “I’m going to have to get used to it at some point,” he grins. 

“Well, that point is not today,” Ashton laughs. He uses his strength to push Calum off of him and heads into the bathroom, where he already had his own toothbrush. “For morning breath prevention,” he told Calum when he showed up for their first sleepover with it in his hand. 

Once his breath is minty fresh, he climbs back into bed with Calum, whose hangover is far more apparent now that the blinds are open and sunlight is peaking through. “What even happened last night?” Calum asks, cracking one eye open to look at Ashton as he tucks himself under the comforter. 

“Tequila happened,” Ashton laughs. He drapes an arm over Calum’s stomach and pulls him against his chest. 

Calum grimaces. “Don’t say that word ever again.” He rubs his hands over his face and sighs, but a playful grin replaces his painful expression a moment later. “I do remember one thing, though.” 

“Yeah? What’s that?” Ashton smirks, already knowing that Calum could be on the brink of death and remember the promise of sex. 

Calum nuzzles his face into Ashton’s neck, peppering kisses along the soft, tan skin. He uses his mouth to convey the message instead of his words, and continues nipping and suck along Ashton’s neck, his collarbones, his chest. He rolls on top of Ashton, but the quick movement makes his head spin and he rests his forehead against Ashton’s for a moment, eyes screwed shut.

“Headache?” Ashton questions before planting a gentle kiss on Calum’s mouth. Calum nods a silent answer. “You know, I know a pretty good remedy for headaches…” Ashton grins up at Calum, who is now straddling his lap. 

“Go on,” Calum smirks. He subtly grinds against Ashton’s crotch, trying his best to act innocent. Ashton’s breath hitches and he reaches up, wishing Calum had a shirt on for him to tug him down by. He settles for gripping his biceps and drags him down until their faces meet, then kisses him slowly. 

Their movements are sleepy and smooth and soft. Ashton rolls on top of Calum, taking his familiar dominate position over the brown boy. Calum’s fingers tangle in Ashton’s hair as they continue to kiss. It’s not rough and hard and hungry like their pre-sex make-out sessions usually are. It’s tender and sweet. 

Things heat up when Ashton’s mouth is on Calum’s throat and his hand is palming Calum over his boxers. Calum thrusts his hips into Ashton’s touch and moans his approval, his morning voice quiet and raspy, but still eager. Ashton pulls off his boyfriend’s boxers in a swift movement, his lips still connected with Calum’s warm skin. He fumbles for the lube Calum kept strategically placed on his nightstand — it may not be subtle, but it is convenient. He shifts down Calum’s body and kisses his hip bone lightly as he uses a slick finger to tease him. 

“Ash…” Calum whispers, struggling to keep his brown eyes open and fixated on Ashton. Ashton presses a kiss to the tip of Calum’s cock and slips his finger inside him, slowly stretching him to accommodate Ashton’s size.

Calum is whining and breathing Ashton’s name within minutes, when Ashton is multiple fingers deep in his boyfriend. “Please, babe. _Please…_ ” Calum moans, the torture of waiting keeping him from speaking above a whisper and forming full sentences. Ashton is feeling generous and a little bad for his hungover boyfriend, so he pulls his fingers out and kisses up Calum’s abdomen before meeting his lips with a small peck. 

He gently pushes into Calum, the only sound between them is their heavy panting. Once Calum has become accustomed to Ashton, Ashton thrusts his hips into him slowly and gently, not quick and rough like he usually does. It’s strange for him, this slow, loving, morning sex. He’s used to being commanding, dominate in bed, but this is much different. Much softer. As he bottoms out, Ashton realizes that him and Calum have only ever _fucked,_ but right now, it felt a lot like they were _making love._

That sentiment alone is enough to get Ashton riled up. If he wasn’t balls deep in Calum, he would probably let him know what he was thinking.

(Future Calum can’t believe that his boyfriend, the same guy who had stopped mid-blowjob a few weeks prior to order himself an acai bowl via Postmates, would refrain from doing or saying anything in bed.)

“You feel so good,” Ashton groans into Calum’s shoulder. He bites down on the skin there to stifle his moans — Calum is too warm and too tight and _too incredible_ and he can already feel himself on the verge of climax. The way Calum is breathing Ashton’s name into Ashton’s ear is saying the same thing about him, though.

Ashton picks up the pace of his thrusts and connects his lips with Calum. Calum moans into the kiss, the bliss of Ashton continually knocking his prostate combined with his cock getting rubbed between their bodies being too much for him to handle. He comes undone, his mouth still connected with Ashton’s, his whines muffle by Ashton’s lips, and his come coating both of their chests.

The feeling of Calum tightening around his cock leaves Ashton chasing his own high. He thrusts into him a few more times, growing sloppier with each movement, while Calum rides out his climax.

“Come for me, Ash,” Calum whispers as their foreheads rest together, and those words alone have Ashton letting go. He lets out a long yet quiet groan and stills inside of Calum. They stay like that, catching their breath, foreheads together, enjoying the feeling of each other all over. 

Ashton’s limbs eventually turn to jello and he pulls out, flopping next to Calum. Calum cranes his neck and plants a lingering kiss on Ashton’s forehead.

“Feel better?” Ashton asks in a hushed whisper.

Calum smirks. “What hangover?”

+++ 

“Bet you didn’t expect that one to get sexual!” Ashton giggles. Calum is thankful he had the sense to not bring the tape to work again. Once Ashton got on a roll, there was no stopping him, and Calum had to expect Ashton would include details of their sex life in every tape from now on. 

Calum tips back the rest of his beer while Ashton wraps up the tape. He thinks about tequila while he drinks and a shiver runs through his body — never again. “So, moral of the story here, your body is a temple, Calum,” Ashton says in his most mock-serious tone. Calum rolls his eyes.

“Real moral of the story is that the promise of sex can get you to do anything —“ Calum smirks because, well, true. “—and you can’t hold your liquor.” Calum rolls his eyes because that’s definitely not true. Sure, Ashton could drink him under the table, but Calum could definitely pull his own weight. 

“Regardless, I love you. And I love fucking you.” His giggle contrasts starkly with the crude statement. Calum loves that — Ashton can have such a dirty mouth, but the second he laughs, that whole facade is gone. “Anyways, have fun jacking off while thinking about me tonight. I miss you. I love you. I’ll ‘talk’ to you tomorrow. Bye.” 

Calum laughs at the abrupt end to the tape and sets his empty beer bottle down on the table. Ashton was right about at least one thing in closing out the tape — Calum was going to have him on his mind while he was all alone in bed tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry its been a lil bit since i last updated i just got my ass beat by finals & some personal stuff but now im home for the summer so hopefully ill be more consistent!!  
> anyways, please leave feedback with kudos/comments/etc. or come chat w me on [tumblr!!](http://cashtonjpg.tumblr.com)


	6. the day of our first fight

Calum’s internal alarm clock wakes him up much earlier than usual on Wednesday morning. Between the slightly ajar slats in the window blinds, he can see the dark clouds overhead that are threatening to spill out rain any second. He hates everything about the rain — driving in it, working in it, doing anything besides staying in bed during a storm. At least when Ashton is home, his bright personality can liven up the rainiest of days.

He flops over onto his stomach and lets out a long sigh. He hasn’t even made it to the halfway point and the time away from Ashton was taking a serious toll on him. He didn’t feel like doing much of anything except listening to the tapes and moping around. He knows it’s kind of pitiful that he’s lost all will to function in the absence of his boyfriend, but Ashton really is _everything_ to Calum. Ashton is the sun and Calum a planet stuck in orbit around him. He doesn’t want to be codependent, but it was as if Ashton had become a facet of Calum. Without him, Calum wasn’t fully himself. 

Eventually, he stops wallowing in self pity and gets out of bed — mostly because there are two wet noses poking and licking at his face, vying for his attention. He decides to take the dogs out on a run with him, hoping that the cold rain and getting his heart rate up will make him feel like a functional human being again. 

It works to some extent. The five miles and cold rain would have been better if Ashton was there, but Calum is trying to push thoughts of his boyfriend to the back of his head, at least until after work when he could listen to the tape and pretend like his Ashton is next to him. 

The day stuck indoors in Calum’s office drags on without Ashton’s constant texts and tags in memes on Instagram. He finds himself checking his phone every couple of minutes, expecting a notification from Ashton to pop up, then realizing that he’s thousands of miles away, probably installing a well in a village or saving the world. The thought of his kindhearted boyfriend warms Calum’s heart for a moment, before he’s returned to the ice cold reality that he’s alone. 

That warmth returns later, though, when he's settled on the couch with a piping hot bowl of pasta and the Walkman. (The warmth might just because of the pasta that he is shoveling into his mouth, but Calum likes pretending that the excitement of hearing Ashton’s voice has something to do with it.)

“Hey, Cal,” Ashton breathes out. Calum can _hear_ him smiling and he feels butterflies in his stomach. It kind of astounds him just how in love with Ashton he is. 

“I hope you’re not in a good mood or anything, because I’m probably about to ruin it.” Calum sighs, because he knows exactly what story is coming. He knew it had to come up soon for the sake of chronological order, but he was hoping that Ashton might omit it all together. But, Ashton being Ashton, of course he had to include it.

“Buckle up, Calum. This is the day of our first fight.”

+++ 

The thunder outside Calum’s apartment cracks loudly as the door swings shut behind him. He’s soaking wet — the downpour was unexpected and he was entirely unprepared. He sprinted from his office to his car and from his car to his apartment, but his speed was no match for the torrential rain. 

The apartment spells like Mexican food — browning beef with an array of seasonings and black beans and slightly toasted tortilla shells. Ashton is cooking away in Calum’s kitchen and that just seems so normal now. Calum had given Ashton a key a few weeks prior and Ashton spent maybe a little _too_ much time at Calum’s place. Calum wasn’t complaining, though.

He greets Ashton in the kitchen with a light kiss. “Stay away from me, you soaking wet monster,” Ashton laughs when Calum tries to pull him into an embrace. His pale blue button down shirt is plastered to his skin in all the right places, and as hot as Ashton thinks he looks, he doesn’t want to get wet. Calum manages a smile, despite how tense and exhausted he’s feeling.

Calum heads back to his bedroom and changes into dry, comfortable clothes — sweatpants and one of Ashton’s sweatshirts that smells like him. He stuffs his feet into dry socks and shuffles back into the kitchen.

Ashton is finishing up cooking, so Calum comes up behind him and wraps his arms around him. He releases a long, deep breath, finding comfort and relaxation in Ashton’s warmth. Calum rubs his nose along the nape of Ashton’s neck and peppers light kisses along the exposed skin. He hums softly, loving the closeness. “You smell s’good,” he murmurs, his lips still pressed against Ashton’s skin.

Ashton smiles and turns around in Calum’s arm. “You look good in my clothes,” Ashton smiles. He plants another kiss on Calum’s lips, but this one is slow and passionate and longing. Their lips graze over each other for a moment when they pull back, the crackling of the food cooking next to them and their slow breathing the only noise filling the room.

“I’m gonna burn dinner…” Ashton whispers against Calum’s lips. He cracks a smile before letting out one of his signature giggles. Calum releases his hold on him and lets him turn back to cooking. 

“Need help?” Calum asks. He leans against the counter next to the stove and watches Ashton stir the taco meat in the pan.

“Not if we want to have dinner and not burn the apartment down,” Ashton laughs. Calum smiles and shrugs because Ashton’s completely right. He watches him finish cooking in silence, then helps him bring the plates over to the table. 

“How was work?” Ashton asks as he piles lettuce on top of his taco. 

Calum sighs. “Rough,” he answers. He doesn’t feel much like talking about it and he hopes Ashton doesn’t push. 

Ashton nods and they fall silent while they eat. “What was so rough?” Ashton pipes up a few minutes later, his curiosity getting the best of him. He likes to know about Calum’s life, and his job was a big part of that.

“Just everything,” Calum says. “There’s just a lot going on right now between all of the projects.” 

“How many projects are you working on now?” Ashton asks.

“There’s four that I’m hiring and managing the crews for. They want to bring in even more, too. I’m just so _stressed,_ ” he whines to Ashton as he assembles another taco. Now that Ashton has got him talking, Calum is starting to get worked up about the whole situation. It feels good to get it off his chest and just complain. “They just keep piling up the responsibilities on me and expecting that I can do it all at a moments notice,” he says between bites.

“Isn’t that what you want, though?” Ashton questions, his voice gentle. “I mean, to get to the designing stuff, you have to prove yourself.” He shrugs. 

Calum furrows his eyebrows. “I just don’t get what corporate desk work has to do with proving my ability to design buildings.” 

“All part of the process. Just gotta tough it out.” Ashton takes a big bite of his taco — loaded mostly with vegetables, as opposed to Calum’s, which is piled up with meat and cheese.

“Easy for you to say,” Calum mutters. He takes a drink of his beer, a Corona with a wedge of lime stuffed into the neck of the glass bottle, and Ashton’s face falls.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ashton says softly. He’s not sure if he should feel hurt or not — if Calum’s comment was an actual attack or if he was just looking for something, someone to take his aggression out on. 

“What did you do today? Hang out, do some grocery shopping?” Calum rolls his eyes. The words feel cruel as they roll off his tongue, but he feels a little bit better, releasing some of his pent up anger.

Ashton knows that his words are charged with frustration with his own job, but it still hurts, still feels like Calum is attacking his profession, denying it’s validity. He raises his eyebrows and waits for Calum to say something else, but he stays silent. “I applied for five grants, got denied from two others, and spent the rest of my time researching.” Ashton’s voice is harsh, angry. Calum has heard him frustrated, annoyed, angry before, but never like this. It has all of those tones, but there’s something else, too. “Thanks for reminding me how _easy_ my job is, though. I’m so happy that I don’t have a steady income and a valid possibility of being able to do what I want with my future.” Calum realizes it’s hurt. He’s hurt Ashton.

“Ash, I—“ 

“Save it, Calum. You meant what you said.” 

“Babe…” Calum trails off, not entirely sure where he’s going with the sentence.

He doesn’t have time to figure out what he wants to say, though, because Ashton pushes his chair back from the table and bounds over to the door. He slips his feet into his sneakers haphazardly and grabs his jacket from the hook. He’s slamming the door to the apartment behind him and Calum is entirely frozen in place. 

Calum really doesn’t know what to do. He knows that this is all his fault. He knows that Ashton’s job is hard and he’s been struggling to get funding for bigger, meaningful projects. He knows that he had no right to take out his frustration with his own job on Ashton. He just doesn’t know what he can do, though.

They had tiffs in the past — small arguments over stupid things like not washing dishes or forgetting to turn the air conditioning off when they left Calum’s apartment — but nothing like this. Ashton was clearly hurt by what Calum had said, and him storming out of the apartment made it so much clearer to Calum that he had fucked up big time.

He takes his beer and trudges over to the couch, leaving the remnants of their half-finished dinner on the table. He pulls his phone from his pocket and tries to call Ashton, but there’s no answer. He settles for a text message. 

(6:48 PM): _I’m sorry. I’m stupid. I didn’t mean any of it. Please come back._

He turns on a movie and tries to get his mind off of it, but he can’t stop thinking about the look on Ashton’s face and the way his voice cracked slightly when he spoke. The faces on the screen and the dialogue become background noise and visuals as he zones out, trying to think of what he could say, what he could do, to make it all better. He comes up blank.

When Ashton doesn’t answer the text, Calum gets worried. His movie has ended and he’s made his way into his bedroom, ready to have an early night. When he climbs into bed, he checks to see if it was read, and it was, about 10 minutes after he sent it. That doesn’t soothe his worries very much, though, so he sends another.

(9:36 PM): _Can you answer so I know you’re okay? Like, safe?_

(9:37 PM): **I’m fine.**

Calum sighs, a faint sense of relief washing over him. It was nice to know that Ashton wasn’t laying in a ditch dead somewhere, but rather probably laying in his own bed, thinking about how much he hates Calum. That thought hurts Calum. Him and Ashton haven’t been together for that long, but he has become such a fixture in Calum’s life that he can’t really imagine what his life was like before Ashton. He doesn’t want to lose him. He’s not ready to lose him. 

He switches off his lamp and lays his head down on his pillow, wishing that Ashton was next to him in bed. When he squeezes his eyes shut, he tries to convince himself that the faint sting behind his eyelids isn’t the feeling of budding tears.

+++ 

Calum’s eyes are red and puffy when he wakes up, or rather, gets out of bed after a sleepless night. He spent more time wiping tears away on his pillow than he did sleeping. He’s not sure why he’s _so_ emotional over this all. He has never been one to show his emotions outwardly, let alone been much of a crier. It’s that something about Ashton again, though, that makes him do strange things and act in strange ways. It’s falling in love, he thinks.

For the first time in his life, he wishes it wasn’t Saturday. He wishes he had to go to work and get things done so he would at least have something to occupy his mind, but instead he’s stuck in his apartment with no plans for the day and only a slightly overweight Labrador to comfort him. 

He cleans up the mess from dinner the night before, which has begun to stink up the whole apartment. He takes Guinness out for a run and listens to his music as loud as it goes, trying to block out any thoughts. He tries to read a book about architectural design, but he can’t focus. 

Ashton calls him just as he’s finishing his lunch — a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, because he’s clearly not much of a chef. 

“Hey,” Calum says quietly when he answers the phone, unsure of how to proceed into the call.

“Are you home?” Ashton answers, his voice equally soft. 

Calum nods before realizing that Ashton can’t see him. “Yeah, I am.” 

“Can I come by in fifteen minutes?” 

That simple question makes Calum’s heart sing the slightest bit for a moment, before he realizes that Ashton could want to come over to break up with him and pick up his stuff. He hopes that’s not the case, but it would make sense if it would. 

“Yeah, please do. I’m sorry.” He figures that there’s no point in bartering the situation over the phone, so he’ll have to deal with the suspense while he waits for Ashton to get there. 

“Okay. See you soon.” 

Once they hang up, Calum tries to dissect everything about the call. Ashton’s overall tone. The words he chose to say. The way he phrased his sentences. Calum doesn’t know what to make any of it — he’s no linguistics expert, after all. 

Ashton knocks on the door when he arrives, which makes Calum feel unbelievably uneasy. He could have just walked in, _should have_ just walked in. Calum suddenly feels like he’s about to be broken up with, and he’s paralyzed for a moment, scared to get up and open the door.

When he does muster up the courage and opens the door, Ashton is standing there, long curls sticking up at odd angles and dark circles bordering his soft hazel eyes. Calum thinks he’s echoing Ashton’s appearance — also disheveled and exhausted. 

“Hey,” Ashton says. His voice is raspy and quiet, like it is in the morning when Calum wakes up before him and kisses his shoulders until he stirs awake. He doesn’t want to never do that again. He doesn’t want Ashton to break up with him.

“Hey,” Calum answers, lost for words and scared to talk at the same time. He moves out of the doorway so Ashton can walk in, and Ashton makes a beeline for the couch. Calum shuts the door quietly before sitting down next to him, the few feet of space he leaves between them feeling unfamiliar. 

“I’m sorry,” Ashton says before Calum can begin pleading with him to not end their relationship. Calum automatically feels a weight lifted off his shoulders and a long sigh passes his lips. “I was trying to pick a fight. I was in a bad mood and I was looking for it.” 

Calum instinctively shakes his head, because, no, he caused the fight, not Ashton. “It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have said what I did. Just because you’re not in an office all day doesn’t mean that you don’t work hard. I know you work hard. I’m so sorry, Ash.” 

“Cal—“ Ashton starts, but Calum cuts him off.

“We’re not getting into our second fight over whose fault our first fight was,” he laughs as he slides closer to Ashton, taking his long fingered hands in his own. “I don’t care whose fault it was. I’m just happy you’re not here to break up with me.”

Ashton giggles and rolls his eyes. His eyes trace Calum’s face for a moment, before he connects their mouths in a slow, gentle kiss. Their lips glide together in perfect synchronicity, like they were made to kiss each other. Calum likes that thought, that him and Ashton were made for each other. He hopes it’s true. 

They pull back from the kiss and stare into each other’s eyes for what feels like years. Ashton could get lost in the deep, rich brown of Calum’s eyes, and Calum can’t peel himself away from the soft, inviting hazel. “Did you really think I was going to break up with you?” Ashton giggles out, breaking the silence. Calum nods slightly, unable to suppress his smile.

Ashton rolls his eyes and giggles again. “Idiot.”

+++ 

Calum rolls his eyes so hard at the end of the story that he can see his brain. Mostly because he was an idiot for thinking Ashton would break up with him, but also because he was an idiot for even starting the fight in the first place.

“I still think that fight was my fault,” Ashton says on the tape. “And you can’t fight me about it right now because I’m a couple thousand miles away and you have no way of contacting me.” He giggles quietly. Calum almost rewinds the tape so he can hear that sound again. 

“Anyways, that was our first, _unbelievably stupid_ fight. I don’t want to be corny, but — who am I kidding, I’m recording tapes for you of my favorite memories of us, that’s the definition of corny. What I’m trying to say is, I don’t ever want to fight with you, Calum. I love you so much and I never want to make you unhappy or angry or anything.

“So, I hope you have a good day. Or night. Or whatever. I miss you. I love you. I’ll ‘talk’ to you tomorrow. Bye.”

Calum rests his head against the back of the couch and sits in silence for awhile because he misses Ashton _so much_ and he loves him _so much_ and it all kind of hurts. 

Instead of being healthy and productive, Calum grabs a gallon of chocolate ice cream and eats it from the container on the couch, one dog on each side, and watches Ashton’s documentary on kill shelters — the one he was making when they met. He wallows in self pity and sadness for awhile and eventually falls asleep on the couch to the sound “Adopt, don’t shop” chants echoing from the TV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if u were looking for angst i hope this satisfied u enough. i can either only write angst or only write fluff so this is my attempt at an in between. as alway, leave comments/kudos/etc. or feedback on [tumblr](http://cashtonjpg.tumblr.com)" xoxox


	7. the day i threw you a party

Calum is puffy eyed when he wakes up the next morning. He’s always been the kind of guy to hide his emotions — bottle it all up and let it out in random bursts of anger or frustration. He just let himself feel all of it the night before, though, curled up in bed alone. Tears slipped from his closed eyes and left stains of his pillowcase.

The persistent rain from the day before continued into the morning. Calum packs up and brings the tape with him to work, a risky move after Monday’s fiasco, but at least he would be in his own private office today. 

He puts the tape into the Walkman and presses play as he pulls out the lunch he packed himself in the morning. It’s not as good as what Ashton usually makes him for lunch and there’s no sticky note inside with a motivational quote or a joke, but it will have to do the trick.

“Hey, Cal. Remember your birthday 2 years ago?” Calum grins because he know exactly what story is about to come. “Well, I hope you don’t. Well, I hope you do remember it, because it was epic. I’ll be offended if you forgot. Anyways, if you do remember, you’re just going to have to sit through this one and point out everything I miss when you see me.

“This is the day I threw you a party.”

+++ 

Calum never really liked his birthday. When he was a little kid, everyone expected him to want a big themed party with all of his classmates and an inflatable bouncy castle and a clown doing balloon animals, but he hated that. There was too much going on, too many people he didn’t know, and he was too shy to do anything besides sit at a table in a folding chair and eat birthday cake. 

He never celebrated the day when he got older. People would exclaim their birthday wishes in the school hallways and he would duck his head and give them a shy smile, trying to keep the attention off himself. He never wanted people to make a big fuss about it — it was just another day, another year, a celebration of an otherwise mundane day. He never told people when his birthday was coming up unless they asked. Calum just wanted his birthday to be a regular, run of the mill day.

So, when the topic came up one Tuesday night when Ashton and Calum were curled up together on the couch, and Calum nonchalantly threw out that his birthday was the upcoming Friday, Ashton had a full-scale breakdown.

“You’ve got to be kidding me! You thought you could get away with not telling me? Calum Hood, who do you think you are?” Ashton rants, smacking Calum on the arm lightly. “We have to do something.” 

“I don’t like my birthday,” Calum groans, kind of annoyed with himself for even letting it slip to Ashton. He secretly likes the idea of getting to celebrate with Ashton, though. Ashton could make anything bearable. 

“Oh, don’t start with that. We’re going to do something.” 

Calum rolls his eyes as dramatically as he can before leaning over and connecting his lips to Ashton’s, giving up in silent defeat. The kiss distracts Ashton enough to move on from the topic, his mouth finding it’s way to every inch of bare skin Calum has. Calum’s mind drifts to what Ashton must be thinking about doing Friday and just hopes he doesn’t invite everyone they knows.

+++ 

“Surprise!” the chorus of people rings out through the apartment as soon as Calum walks into his apartment, a grocery bag with 3 avocados hanging off his arm, still wearing his khaki pants and white button down from work.

His eyes automatically dart around the room, looking for Ashton. He finally spots him, hiding slightly behind Luke’s tall, broad frame. He ducks his head when his eyes lock with Calum’s.

Calum fakes a smile at the party guests before trudging over to Ashton, looking ridiculously formal in his work clothes. He tries his best to mask his annoyance. It is a sweet gesture, and he is really curious how Ashton managed to get 25 people into the apartment and an entire party set up in the time it took Calum to go out and buy avocados, but he doesn’t want to celebrate his birthday, and especially not with 25 of his no-so-closest friends. 

He raises his eyebrows is a silent “really?” when he is within a few feet of his boyfriend. A shy grin grows of Ashton’s face. “I couldn’t resist?” he says softly, stepping out from behind Luke and looking up at Calum through his eyelashes. 

One glance into those slightly apologetic hazel eyes is all Calum needs to let his annoyance melt away. He reaches out and grabs Ashton by the waist, pulling him closer and into a slow, longing kiss. Ashton pulls back breathless after a minute. “Later,” he whispers against Calum’s mouth, a small smile playing on his lips. Calum smiles back and pecks one last, light kiss on Ashton’s mouth before turning back to the party. 

“Did I really need to get these?” Calum asks Ashton after greeting Luke and Michael, holding up the grocery bag of avocados.

“Yes!” Ashton laughs, snatching the bag and bouncing towards the kitchen. “Every good party needs homemade guacamole.” 

Calum nods in agreement as he follows Ashton into the kitchen to get a beer from the fridge. He circles the room quickly to avoid the attention and inevitable embarrassment before rejoining Luke and Michael in the corner. 

“How’s everything?” Calum asks them. He feels like he hasn’t seen them in forever, and he knows it’s because he spends all of his time with Ashton, and he hates that. He never wanted to be that guy who prioritized his boyfriend over his best friends. 

They talk about their jobs and joke around about old times and Calum would have felt content if Ashton had just invited the two of them over and they had dinner, but it was too late for that. Calum is still amazed at how quickly Ashton managed to pull the whole thing together. A large “Happy Birthday” banner hung over their dining table, which had been converted into a makeshift buffet, and there were streamers hanging across all the walls in the open living room and kitchen. Calum had only been gone for fifteen, maybe twenty, minutes. 

He spends the evening circling through the room and making small talk with old friends — he has no idea how Ashton got into contact with them, and decides to confront Luke and Michael later about conspiring behind his back, because that’s the only explanation. As he sips down beer after beer, he begins to feel more comfortable in the busy environment full of conversation and hushed music. The attention turned away from Calum after the initial excitement of the surprise wore off and the party began to feel like a regular gathering. Calum didn’t entirely hate it — he actually was kind of enjoying himself.

Ashton takes an ice cream cake out of the freezer later in the evening and people automatically begin gathering around Calum, singing loudly and drunkly. Ashton, Michael, and Luke stand on the opposite side of the table, arms around each other, grinning widely and slurring together the lyrics to happy birthday. Calum’s cheeks flush, with embarrassment and fondness. The overwhelmingness of the attention pales in comparison to the feeling he gets when he sees his boyfriend and best friends getting along and enjoying themselves. He slowly realizes that this is his life and it’s perfect. 

When he goes to blow out the candles, he can’t manage to think of anything to wish for. He has everything he wants. 

The alcohol infused buzz begins to dull down when everyone has a stomach full of ice cream cake, and the packed room starts to empty out. Calum receives pats on the back, handshakes, and hugs as the guests file out the apartment door, and before long, Ashton, Calum, Michael, and Luke are the lone bodies in the room. 

“We’ll help clean up, “ Luke says, picking up a few haphazardly discarded beer bottles and plates that Guinness is eyeing from his bed in the corner. 

“No, you won’t,” Ashton answers, taking the garbage from his hands and shooing Luke and Michael towards the door.

“You sure?” Luke asks, a faint look of guilt in his eyes.

“Lets go, Luke,” Michael says, catching on to Ashton’s drift. He wiggles his eyebrows at Ashton and Calum, who are standing suspiciously close together. “Be safe, you two,” he says with a wink. Michael gives Luke a light shove towards the door, knowing that he’s oblivious to the fact that Ashton wants to be balls deep in Calum right now, not hanging out with his friends. 

Calum and Ashton laugh quietly as the door shuts behind them. They look around the room and survey the mess, then look back at each other. “It can wait,” Ashton says before grabbing Calum by the shoulders and pushing him against the nearest wall and kissing him roughly. Calum is instantly breathless and hard. 

Ashton’s mouth makes it way down Calum’s neck while he fumbles with the buttons on his shirt. He finally gets it undone and pushes the shirt off his shoulders and onto the ground. Ashton begins walking Calum backwards towards the bedroom, reconnecting their lips in a desperate and yearning kiss. It’s wet and sloppy and _hot._

Once they’ve made it into the bedroom, Ashton takes no time pushing Calum down onto the bed and climbing on top. He kisses every inch of exposed skin, teasing Calum, who is already so hard it’s almost painful. “Touch me, Ash,” Calum grunts, needing his boyfriends touch, his mouth, anything on him. 

“‘M gonna tease you first, baby,” Ashton murmurs against his brown skin as he scrapes his teeth across Calum’s nipple. Calum hums and tilts his head back. He arches his back and bucks his hips up to meet Ashton through his pants, needing some sort of friction. Ashton grabs his hips, digging his fingers in and pushing them back down against the bed. “Did I say you could do that?” Ashton asks, looking up at Calum through his lashes and grinning. Calum whines beneath him and squirms.

Ashton takes his time, kissing Calum and palming his hard cock through his pants. Ashton loves seeing him like this — needy and desperate and begging. When he feels like he’s teased him enough, Ashton pulls Calum’s pants and boxers off in one, fluid motion, his cock springing free and hitting him in the belly. Ashton wraps his lips around the tip, tasting the bead of precome that has formed. Calum gasps in a breath, the stimulation finally giving him some sort of release.

He continues to suck him off, slowly and methodically, but deep. Ashton works his way up to it, and has Calum’s cock buried balls deep in his throat. His eyes water and Calum’s size threatens to gag him, but it hurts in a good way. He loves the feel of Calum in his mouth.

“Ash, ‘m gonna—“ Calum groans after Ashton contracts around Calum, squeezing his cock in his warm, wet throat. Ashton wants him to come, wants to taste him, so he hums and the vibration causes Calum to unravel. Ashton swallows down the warm, salty come and pulls his mouth off Calum. Calum props himself up on his elbows to look down at his boyfriend.

“Well, fuck,” Calum laughs before grabbing the collar of Ashton’s shirt and tugging him up. Calum surges forward to connect his lips to Ashton’s, wanting to taste himself on Ashton. The kiss is rough and Calum takes control, rolling on top and pushing Ashton against the mattress. His naked body stands in stark juxtaposition to Ashton’s fully clothed self, so he gets to work, peeling off his t-shirt and jeans. His bulge is large and hard against his boxer briefs.

Calum retaliates by peppering kisses over Ashton’s body, lingering around his nipples, where he know he’s bound to make Ashton writhe. By the time his sucking the smooth skin above the waistband of Ashton’s underwear, he’s already recovered and is hard again. Ashton notices and takes the opportunity to take his position of dominance back. He shoves Calum against the mattress roughly and quickly grabs the lube to coat his finger.

“Does my birthday boy wan’ get fucked?” Ashton mutters as he situates himself between Calum’s spread legs. He traces his finger over Calum’s hole and watches his boyfriend’s eyes screw shut. He is always so sensitive after his first orgasm.

“Please,” Calum begs when Ashton pulls his finger away and begins stroking his own cock.

“Please, what?” Ashton says innocently, wagging an eyebrow at Calum.

“Please fuck me, Ashton. Please,” Calum groans as he reaches for his own cock, needing another release.

Ashton swats Calum’s hand away from his cock. “No, no,” he chastises. He returns his finger to Calum’s hole and swirls it around the rim, then plunges it in quickly. The sudden touch has Calum whining out Ashton’s name under his breath in between strings of swear words.

“You like that, hm?” Ashton smiles as he slides another finger into Calum. He scissors his fingers to stretch him out and watches as Calum’s face twists into a combination of pleasure, pain, and a desire for more.

“If your cock isn’t in me in the next 30 seconds I’m gon—” Calum manages to stay, although his voice is strained. He stops speaking when Ashton roughly plunges another finger inside of him and his voice turns into a moan. 

“Can’t wait to get my cock in you and fill you up with my come. Gonna fuck you so hard and rough,” Ashton grunts as he bites down on a piece of skin on Calum’s hip. His own cock is dark red and throbbing and he needs to release even more than Calum does. He doesn’t want to push Calum before he’s ready, but _needs_ Calum. Needs his warmth and his touch and his lips and his moans. Needs it all. 

He pulls his fingers out and lines his tip up with Calum’s hole — that light touch is enough to drive him crazy. Ashton grabs Calum’s hips and flips him over onto his stomach. Calum pushes himself onto all fours. Ashton swings his hand back and gives Calum’s ass a hard slap, then pushes into him slowly. Calum gasps, the pleasure overwhelming the slight tinge of pain. 

Ashton’s thrusts are consistent and get deeper every time. Calum buries his face in a pillow and sticks his ass higher in the air, meeting each thrust. His moans are stifled by the pillow, but the muffled sound reaches Ashton’s ears and turns him on even more. It’s encouraging. He bottoms out and stills for a second. Calum grinds against his cock, begging for more. Ashton slaps his ass again, this time harder, and Calum lets out a yelp. Ashton grins as Calum cranes his neck to look at his boyfriend. Ashton smacks him again, and Calum lets out a long, deep moan this time. Ashton loves that he loves it. He starts pounding into him again, this time harder, rougher, and faster.

Calum is panting and groaning and whining Ashton’s name so much that Ashton can tell he’s seconds away from coming. Ashton reaches around him and wraps his hand around Calum’s cock, pumping it a few times. “Ash, fuck,” Calum practically screams, his body tensing and contorting as he begins to spew out come. Ashton gives Calum’s ass a final slap with his free hand and feels the boy come completely apart around his cock. The feeling of Calum squeezing tightly around him pushes him to his own edge, and with a few more sloppy thrusts, he reaches his own high and rides it out, still bottomed out inside of Calum. 

Both of their limbs turn to jelly after a few seconds and Ashton pulls out, collapsing on the bed beside Calum. 

“Holy fucking shit,” Calum breathes out, turning to face Ashton.

Ashton grins. “Liked that?” He reaches over and brushes his hand over Calum’s bare ass, where faint red handprints were starting to fade.

“Loved that,” Calum smirks. He leans over and passionately kisses Ashton, slowly and lingering over his lips, even after they pull back. “Gonna need to have my birthday every day if you’re gonna fuck me like that,” Calum whispers against Ashton’s mouth.

Ashton smiles. “My birthday is only a few months away.”

+++ 

“Honestly, I don’t think we’ve had better sex than that night,” Ashton says on the tape, and Calum silently agrees. He knows it’s true. He was sore for days after in the best way possible. 

“So, that’s halfway done with these tapes. That means we’re halfway to my homecoming, if you didn’t put that together,” Ashton laughs. A small grin grows on Calum’s face and he feels himself being pulled out of that “I miss my boyfriend” slump he has been in. 

He leans back in his desk chair and looks out the wide, floor to ceiling window in his office. His gaze lands on the horizon, and he finds himself think about what direction Ashton is in. Whatever direction it is, the distance feels just a little smaller knowing he only has to deal with another week before he’s home. 

“I hope everything is okay with you and the boys. You’ve only been at work for two hours when I’m recording this, and I miss you already, so I can’t imagine how we’re going to feel after these two weeks apart. Maybe we can have sex like we did after your party when I get back.” A small giggle erupts from Ashton’s mouth and Calum grins. 

“I should probably wrap this thing up. I miss you. I love you. I’ll ‘talk’ to you tomorrow. Bye,” Ashton recites the familiar ending to the tape, and Calum finds himself mouthing along to the words. He shakes his head at himself when he realizes what he’s doing. The loneliness has really driven him to insanity. 

Calum pulls out the headphones and tosses them into his bag along with the Walkman. Seven more days, he repeats in his head for the rest of the day. Seven more days until he can see Ashton again. 

And it was going to be the longest seven days he had ever had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mmm this is the dirtiest thing ive ever written please forgive me for being such a dirty thot !!!! sorry updates are coming slower all i've been doing is working lately and i have no time to write. anyways please leave feedback in the comments or hit me up on [tumblr](http://cashtonjpg.tumblr.com) xoxoxo


	8. the day i told you i loved you

The dogs might miss Ashton more than Calum does. Or maybe they just sense how much Calum misses Ashton and want to soothe him. Either way, they have made it their mission to snuggle up with Calum at any and every moment of the day — even if it is six in the morning and Calum is trying to sleep.

Gunner’s wet nose on his cheek is what initially wakes Calum up, but Guinness’s soft crying and pawing at his stomach is what makes him realize he’s not getting more sleep. He lets the dogs climb into the bed and pets them aimlessly while he scrolls through his phone with his free hand. After awhile, when he feels fully awake enough to focus on the tape, he grabs the Walkman and puts in the day’s tape, a large black “8” scrawled across the clear plastic. 

“Hey, Cal.” Ashton’s chirpy voice is just what Calum needs to start his day, he realizes upon hearing it. “Like I said yesterday — well, yesterday for you, before I ate lunch for me — this is our halfway point. I can’t predict the future, but I probably miss you like hell right now and I can’t wait to get home to you and the boys.” Calum smiles and pats the top of Gunner’s head lightly. 

“This day was one of the best of my life, I think. Just hearing you tell me — well, hold on to that thought. This is the day I told you I love you.”

+++ 

“We’re out of bread,” Calum announces as he drops the last slice into the toaster one Sunday morning.  
“Milk and eggs, too,” Ashton says as he scrambles them together in a pan for their breakfast. “Guess we’re going grocery shopping.”

Calum groans and rolls his eyes. “Can you go by yourself?” he asks, dreading his least favorite place on earth. He loved loading up on junk food before him and Ashton got together, but now that they were a duo, their grocery hauls were a whole lot of produce and not a lot of potato chips. Calum was thankful to some extent — he once soft stomach was beginning to become more defined and firm, and he had a hell of a lot more energy, but sometimes a guy just wants to eat a whole box of Girl Scout cookies and call it a night. 

“You’re part of this,” Ashton vaguely gestures around the room with his hands, “arrangement, and thus, you have to participate in grocery shopping.” 

(Future Calum smiles at the mention of the arrangement, because that’s what they called Ashton unofficially living in Calum’s apartment for months on end without ever discussing it. That ease between them was one of Calum’s favorite moments — it would have been on his greatest hits tapes.) 

Calum rolls his eyes again and sighs. “Alright, fine. After breakfast.” 

Ashton scratches out a shopping list between bites of eggs and toast. Calum notices him writing things like kale, tofu, and asparagus on the list and has to consciously make an effort to not whine about it. 

The supermarket is unbelievably busy when they pull into the parking lot, as it always is on Sundays. “Maybe we should come back another day,” Calum proposes, knowing that Ashton would go during the day while he was at work if he went any other day. Ashton catches on to the scheme and shakes his head as he parks the car. 

“I think we need something down here,” Calum says as they make their way through the aisles. He pushes the cart down an aisle he knows they don’t need to go down, a small smirk on his face. 

Ashton scans over the list. “What’s down here?” he asks, looking at the items that aren’t checked off and back at the overhead sign that reads what’s in the aisle. As soon as he sees “snacks,” he knows. “Calum, no,” he chastises, as if Calum was his 5 year old son. 

Calum ignores his boyfriend and picks up a bag of barbecue potato chips and another of sour cream and onion. He places them in the cart and Ashton watches, his face twisted into a look of mock horror.

“You really need both?” Ashton says as he eyes the variety of bags Calum is putting into the cart, now starting to pile up. Ashton nearly loses it when it puts not one, not two, but three packages of cookies into the cart. He keeps his cool though. He doesn’t have to eat them, and he secretly kind of misses the soft layer of fluff Calum had on his stomach before he went and got all toned.

When they reach the end of the aisle, the cart is overflowing with food that Ashton would never even dare put into his mouth. Calum, on the other hand, is beaming. He plants a light kiss on Ashton’s lips when they wait for someone to pass in front of their cart. “Thanks, babe.” 

“For what?” Ashton asks, his eyebrows furrowed slightly.

“For being you,” Calum shrugs. 

(Future Calum practically gags at that comment. Could he be any cheesier? And in public? Gross.) 

When they reach the checkout, the balance of junk and healthy food seems pretty even. After they pay and are on their way out of the store, Calum reaches into one of the bags and opens a package of chocolate chip cookies. He takes two out and bites into one, crumbs falling down his face. Ashton shakes his head, but a fond expression crosses his face. 

“What?” Calum asks, his mouth still full, as they walk up to the car and begin loading their groceries into the trunk. A few more crumbs spill out of his mouth and get caught on his shirt. 

Ashton’s hazel eyes lock with Calum’s brown ones for a moment. Ashton gets that twinkle in his eye he gets when he has a new idea or comes to a realization. He shakes his head and the look disappears from his eye, though. “Nothing,” he says after a minute of silence. He reaches over and brushes the crumbs off Calum’s chest and continues putting grocery bags into the car. Calum can tell he wants to say something else, but he doesn’t push it. It had only been a week since their fight and he wasn’t trying to get into another one so soon. 

An awkward tension falls over them on the car ride home and for the rest of the afternoon. They laze around the apartment for awhile, watching TV and cleaning, and take the dogs to the park, but it is an uneventful Sunday and the lack of activity makes everything feel even more uncomfortable. Calum can’t tell what it is that’s making everything so awkward, but he has a feeling it has to do with the look Ashton gave him earlier. He just doesn’t know what that look meant. 

“You wanna watch _The Office_?” Ashton asks as they put away the last of the freshly cleaned dishes after dinner. 

Calum grabs a cookie out of the open package on the counter and nods. “Yeah, for sure.” They had started rewatching the series together a few weeks ago and it had implemented itself into their nightly routine. They were both really in it for the cuddling and make out sessions, not actually paying attention to the show. 

Ashton brushes aside the throw pillows on the couch — tan and dark green in a variety of sizes that compliment the worn, dark leather. He pulls the thick, knitted blanket that Calum got as a house warming gift years ago over his lap haphazardly, knowing that it will soon be discarded. 

Even though it just started, Ashton does a poor job at pretending to be interested in the show. Usually they’re able to watch it for a few minutes while slowly moving closer together and tangling their limbs. Someone’s hot breath usually grazes the other’s bare skin and their lips meet the goosebumps that rise, their hands are everywhere at once, and their lips touch in desperation. Calum isn’t even sitting on the couch yet, but Ashton tosses the remote aside after pressing play and drags Calum down on top of him.

They don’t press their lips together quite yet, but their mouths linger over each other, millimeters separating them, eyes wide open and gazing deeply into each other. Calum’s eyes scrunch up slightly, in the way they do when he’s trying not to laugh at something. He can’t help it though, and he bursts out into a fit of laughter. He falls off Ashton’s lap and onto the couch, giggling uncontrollably. 

“What?” Ashton asks, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

“The chili,” Calum manages between laughs, pointing at the screen, where Kevin is sitting on the office floor with his chili spilled around him. 

Ashton shakes his head, but joins in the laughter. “You’re ridiculous. I love you.” 

They both freeze. 

“Oh, shit,” Ashton mutters as his eyes shift away from Calum’s face and towards the ground.

Calum is wide eyed, brown puppy eyes frozen in shock. Ashton’s face grows bright red, embarrassed that he let that slip out. He had been thinking it all day, ever since the grocery store when he realized that the amount of adoration he felt when he watched Calum shove cookies into his mouth had to be love. He was scared, though. He didn’t want to come on strong or make Calum feel obligated to say it back or, even worse, push him away. 

Calum’s eyes are softer, thinking even, when Ashton looks back up, the blush slowly fading from his cheeks.

“You don’t have to say it back,” Ashton mumbles, finally able to say something coherent. 

Calum shakes his head and his lips part into a wide grin. “But, I want to, Ash. I love you, too.” Ashton smiles so big that he thinks his cheeks might pop. They look at each other for a minute, both grinning like idiots and not knowing what to say. 

Ashton surges forward first, connecting his lips to Calum’s, their teeth clacking together lightly before dissolving into a long, slow kiss. They’ve kissed a lot, countless times, but this one feels different. There’s a hole in his heart and Calum is occupying that space, completing the puzzle. He’s been in love before, but not like this. Everything else pales in comparison to how he feels about Calum, and he doesn’t think he’s really every truly felt love until now. Knowing Calum loves him too makes his heart beat pick up and his cheeks flush and his everything feels warm and soft and happy. 

Calum feels his stomach flip when they pull back from the kiss and his eyes flutter open, meeting soft hazel eyes that look at him like no one has ever looked at him before. His heart skips a beat and he is overwhelmed by a feeling that he can only describe as pure, unadulterated love.

“You make me so happy,” Calum whispers into the small space between his lips and Ashton’s. Ashton smiles slightly, the crinkles by his eyes showing the emotion. 

“I love you,” Ashton breathes out.

“I love you, too.”

“I’ll never get tired of hearing that.”

“Me either.”

+++ 

Calum can’t wipe the smile off his face. His hazy, morning brain is gone and that emptiness in the bed has been replaced by the comforting warmth that Ashton is his. He hugs the comforter tightly around his bare chest and shoulders. He stares at the picture of him and Ashton that he put on his nightstand the day before — both of them smiling widely in formal wear at the premiere of a documentary one of Ashton’s friends made.

“I love that story. I love that it was an accident. I love that you loved me back. I love you, Calum. So much. I can’t stand being apart from you and I haven’t even left yet. 

“Only six more days until I’m home, though. We can do this. I miss you. I love you. I’ll ‘talk’ to you tomorrow. Bye.” 

_Six more days._ Calum repeats to himself. That’s nothing compared to what he’s been through. After he gets ready for work, he scribbles a countdown on the corner of the whiteboard that hangs on the refrigerator. _I love you more than anything, xx Ash_ is scrawled across the center of the board in green dry erase marker. Ashton wrote it before he left. The small 6 in the corner of the board reminds Calum that’s all he has to endure until he can hear those words fall from Ashton’s lips. That’s all he needs to keep him going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok ok ok i know it's been like 8 months since ive updated but i was off doing other things and now im BACK!!! ive actually had this chapter written forever but i never thought to post it bc i wasnt planning on writing more but now ive realized that i am and always will be cashton trash and i cant just not finish this fic. so, in honor of THE NEW SINGLE ON FRIDAY im dropping this chapter and promising to finish this fic !! as always drop a comment / give me some kudos to validate me / come chat w me on [tumblr!!!!](http://cashtonjpg.tumblr.com) xoxoxo


	9. the day we took a trip

The empty space in the bed feels normal now. Calum doesn’t reach out in his sleep to pull Ashton closer, only to find nothing but blankets where his body should be. He doesn’t lay in bed at night, his eyes shut, waiting for the mattress to sink and jostle his body slightly as Ashton climbs in next to him. Ashton’s sweet, soft scent doesn’t linger in the sheets or on the pillows or anywhere around the apartment, really. Calum doesn’t know if the absence is helping or hurting him more. 

Calum makes plans to hang out with Luke and Michael. He’s been moping for days and he needs some sort of social interaction. They get dinner and drinks, and Calum finally feels like a whole person again. The countdown mantra he had been repeating seems like nothing, now. The next few days would pass easily. 

“How’re you doing without Ash?” Michael asks after a prolonged lull in their conversation. 

He presses his lips together. He had almost forgot about Ashton in the past few hours with his friends. Almost. “Well, he left me these tapes,” Calum starts nonchalantly. “Our greatest hits, he called them. Basically stories about us. It’s…uh…it’s making it easier.” 

Luke looks confused. “Tapes?”

Michael snickers. “Videos?” He winks at Calum, who groans and shakes his head.

“Audio tapes, you ass. Like, cassettes,” Calum reaches over and smacks Michael’s arm. He fake winces before laughing. 

“Can we hear one?” Luke asks between sips of beer.

Calum hesitates. “They’re kind of…um…private,” he says, a blush creeping onto his cheeks. The dim lighting in the bar hides it, or so he hopes.

“Ha! So they are raunchy,” Michael laughs again, feeling proud of himself. Calum rolls his eyes. “That’s sweet, though,” Michael continues, the change in tone evident. “You really doing okay, though? I know you guys are, like, inseparable.” 

“Yeah, I’m…I’ll be alright. Only a few more days,” Calum nods. Bringing up Ashton brought back that feeling that a piece of him is missing, and he tries desperately to believe in the words he’s saying.

The conversation ceases and Calum soon finds himself staring into the bottom of his glass. It’s a natural end to their reunion. Their drinks are gone and their voices have grown lazy and tired. They find themselves parting ways into separate cars with promises to hang out again soon falling from their lips. 

When Calum is alone again, he tries not to let the loneliness claw it’s way back in. He picks up the tape for the day and turns it over a few times in his hands. He feels like hearing Ashton’s voice might make him feel even lonelier. 

The few minutes of story telling every day made him feel warm and connected to his boyfriend, but the second his voice ceased to filter through Calum’s headphones, he almost felt more alone than he did before. Those few minutes were worth it, though, Calum tells himself as he slides the tape in and presses play.

“Hey, Cal. It’s me. I hope you’re not getting sick of hearing my voice.” Calum presses his lips together. He doesn’t want to think about what he would be like if he _wasn’t_ hearing Ashton’s voice every day. More miserable than he already is, obviously. 

“I’m probably missing you like crazy by this point in my trip. I can’t stand being away from you. Only a few more days, though. Anyways, in light of my trip separating us, here’s a story about us going somewhere together. This is the day we took a trip.”

+++ 

“Camping seriously sounds like one of my worst nightmares,” Calum tells Ashton when he proposes they spend their one year anniversary on a camping trip. They are laying in bed together on a weekday evening, humid spring air drifting through the open windows and landing on their bare chests. 

Ashton rolls onto his side to get a better view of his boyfriend. He pushes a stray curl out of his own eyes so Calum has an unobstructed view of him rolling them. “Don’t be so dramatic. What’s so bad about it?”

“Um…everything?” Calum replies with a wave of his hand. “The bugs, sleeping on the ground, the _mountain lions that will inevitably eat us._ ” Ashton can’t stifle the laugh that bubbles up inside of him. 

“What about laying out on the grass looking up at the stars? Feeling like we’re completely alone in the universe? _S’mores?_ ” 

Calum’s ears perk up at the mention of gooey marshmallows and melty chocolate sandwiched between crumbling graham crackers. He stomach rumbles in an involuntary proclamation of hunger and Ashton grins, knowing that he’s won this argument. Food was always the way to win with Calum. 

“I’ll look into campsites in the morning,” Ashton says victoriously. He presses a kiss to Calum’s lips before curling up on his brown chest. Calum hums softly, a small, reluctant smile appearing on his face — a sign of defeat at the hands of his boyfriend.

+++ 

“How much further?” Calum breathlessly groans while the heavy backpack of camping gear digs into his broad shoulders. The sky is incredibly clear above his and Ashton’s heads. A few soft, fluffy clouds are scattered throughout the sky, keeping the late spring sun from heating up the air too much. A light breeze flows between trees — tall pines and great, wide oaks that make up the forest. The duo marches along a dirt trail up a mountain. Ashton takes the lead and effortless navigates the terrain, the splits in the path and occasional rock that trips up Calum don’t even phase him.

“The spot should be just up ahead,” Ashton answers, his voice not nearly as breathless and exhausted as Calum’s had sounded just a moment before. As the words leave his mouth, a clearing comes into Calum’s line of sight. Wide and secluded, the trees clear for a moment off to the left of the path. Dense woods form a circle around the campsite, making the clearing seem entirely enclosed. A wide grin appears on Ashton’s face, and Calum can’t help but find his childish excitement endearing. 

They drop their bags in the center of the campsite as they look around. The silence, the only sound around them the rustling of leaves and chirps of unseen birds, is exactly what Ashton pictured. It was the exact way he wanted to spend their first anniversary.

Calum takes the reigns on putting the tent up, explaining to Ashton that he knows how to erect buildings from scratch, he can manage a tent. Ashton stifles a giggle at the word erect and Calum tosses one of the poles from the tent in his general direction, trying to hide his own laughter from the immature joke. He misses by a few inches and the rod bounces on the dirt and grass a few times before coming to rest near a large, fallen branch. Calum retrieves the pole and Ashton gets to work hanging their food up in trees and other outdoors protection things that Calum doesn’t fully understand.

Once they’re settled, Ashton starts up the grill the sits off to the edge of the clearing — it’s the only item on the premises that reminds them that they’re not actually stuck in the wilderness. Well, the grill and their abundance of food and their relatively pristine tent and all the other luxuries that Calum insisted were necessary. They — Ashton, really — grill up a few hamburgers and corn on the cob and settle onto some strategically placed fallen logs that surround a spot that had been used for campfires in the past. 

“We should hike up to the end of the path to see the sunset in a little,” Ashton says after he washes down his food with a sip of beer from the small cooler Calum had packed. “It’s not far,” he continues, noting the reluctant expression that Calum shot his way at the mention of more hiking. “If it takes us more than 20 minutes, I’ll carry you. It’ll be worth it.” 

That’s enough to convince Calum. Ashton talks about the proper safety procedures they need to take before they leave the campsite — they have to be careful about their leftover food, especially after dark, he explains. Calum thinks he’s being a little dramatic, but he also doesn't want to get eaten by a bear, so he listens and follows instructions.

The hike up the rest of the mountain only takes about 15 minutes, much to Ashton’s surprise. He feels lucky that he doesn’t have to carry his above 6 feet tall boyfriend up a dirt path. The view when they reach the summit would have been worth it, though, he notes when they reach their destination.

“Holy shit,” Calum breathes out, taking in the scene. 

“It looks like that view from our first date. Only like, a million times more amazing.” Ashton’s eyes dart between the spectacular view and the wonderstruck look on Calum’s face. He doesn’t know which is more beautiful.

They find a spot to sit on the edge of a rock formation. The cliff isn’t nearly as secluded as their actual campsite — a few families and couples are spotted around the area, all presumably waiting for the same sunset. Neither Ashton or Calum mind, though. 

Ashton reaches his arm around Calum’s shoulders and presses a kiss to the top of his curly head when he leans into him. The sun has begin to dip in the sky, leaving a fuzz of orange and pink and red covering the horizon. Both boys are at a loss for words to describe it’s beauty, so they sit in silence instead.

By the time they return to their camp site, the sky has gone nearly entirely dark. Calum lights up one of their lanterns while Ashton sets up a campfire. While Ashton arranges the twigs he gathered into a point, Calum settles onto the cool, damp grass, his back pressed against one of the fallen trees. A cool breeze comes and he pulls the sweatshirt he just layered up with around him tighter while he waits for the warmth from the fire and Ashton’s body. 

The fire is blazing high when Ashton finally takes a seat next to Calum. Calum looks over at his boyfriend with a playful look in his eyes. “What?” Ashton asks, wondering why Calum was giving his such a mischievous smirk. He knows that face — Calum was up to no good.

“I got us a little anniversary gift,” he shrugs, that same smile plastered to his face. Ashton raises his eyebrows while waiting for Calum to explain. He reaches into the pocket of his army green pants and pulls out a small, ziplock baggy. It takes a few seconds for Ashton to focus in on the contents, but the size of the bag gives it away. 

“Weed?” Ashton asks with a light giggle, his eyes barely hiding his excitement.

Calum smirks and nods. “Thought it would be a nice cap on our evening. S’mores and a joint. Hey, maybe I’ll even get lucky tonight,” he adds with a wink. 

Ashton giggles again and nods in agreement. He gets up to gather the ingredients for their s’mores. “Grab my backpack from the tent?” Calum asks when he stands up. When he comes back, Calum has begun picking the weed from the stem by hand. “Didn’t really think through the whole grinder thing,” he laughs. Ashton puts the backpack down on one side of Calum and takes a seat on the other side, their thighs touching. 

Calum’s fingers move effortless as he crafts the joint. He folds up a small slip of paper from inside the package of rolling papers and fixes it into a cylinder — a filter. He drags one of the long, pale brown papers out while he has the package out. Ashton knows Calum used to be a stoner in his college days, but he didn’t realize to what extent. He dumbs the finely crumbled green into the paper, places the roach at the end, and has one of the cleanest joints Ashton has ever seen within minutes. He holds it out for Ashton to look at, and Ashton takes it between two fingers. He rolls in back and forth a few times between his thumb and index finger. “Don’t really know what I’m supposed to be looking for, but nice…?” They exchange a smile before bursting into laughter.

“Just thought you might want to survey my craftsmanship before we burn,” Calum answers once they’ve collected themselves. He takes the joint and burns the excess paper off with the royal blue lighter he pulled from his backpack. “Do the honors?” Calum asks, holding up the joint to Ashton’s mouth. He takes it between his lips and Calum leans over with the lighter, sparking it up for him. 

Ashton pulls in a puff of smoke slowly, methodically. After a moment, he pulls the joint from his mouth and continues to inhale, taking the hit further into his lungs. His eyes remain glued to Calum’s as his lips form a perfect O and he blows the smoke out slowly. The scent of burning marijuana fills the air around them and both boys hope that no one else is around to smell it. 

They pass the joint between them slowly, taking long drags and feeling the familiar burn of the smoke entering their lungs. Calum finishes off the joint and puts it out on a nearby rock. When he leans back towards Ashton, he’s still holding the smoke in his lungs. He leans in to kiss his boyfriend, his mouth hovering an inch away. He slowly exhales, his lips round, right into Ashton’s mouth. Ashton can’t keep a straight face and starts laughing right away.

“What kind of move was that, Hood?” Ashton questions between giggles.

Calum tries to wait until Ashton stops laughing to make fun of himself, but that infectious giggle permeates his mind — and maybe the drugs are doing that too — and he finds himself doubled over laughing. The only sound for miles around them is the crackle of the fire, the faint breeze rustling the leaves, and their hysterical laughter above it all. 

As their laughter dies, both boys settle into the damp grass more, Ashton reclining on his forearms and Calum fully laying down. Sighs escape their lips at nearly the exact same moment. “This is nice,” Calum says, his eyes pointed directly up at the small patches of sky visible between the tree canopy.

“I told you it would be,” Ashton smiles, craning his neck to look down at Calum. His torso is stretched out, his t-shirt and sweater riding up slightly. Ashton loves that little patch of brown skin just above Calum’s pants. So smooth, so warm, so welcoming. He leans over a breathes a little hot air onto the skin before placing a peck on his hipbone. Goosebumps rise on Calum’s skin and Ashton hears his breath catch in his throat. He lifts his head, peering down at Ashton, whose head is still hovering too close to his crotch.

“Can I help you?” Cal asks, screwing one eye shut to help his vision focus. 

“I don’t know, can you?” Ashton smirks, sliding his body against the ground so he’s eye level with Calum now. 

Calum pushes forward and Ashton meets him in the middle, connecting their lips, sparks flying, stomachs fluttering. The buzz from the joint has every part of Calum on fire, and Ashton, too. Every hand brush, every kiss, every movement makes them feel back in that honeymoon phase when everything was so new and fresh and there was so much to explore. 

“Mmm — tent,” Calum groans as Ashton’s mouth moves away from his. 

“Not under the stars?” Ashton responds, raising an eyebrow. 

Calum furrows his brows in thought for a second. “Can we at least put down a blanket? I don’t want — I don’t know, grass in my ass.” 

Ashton smiles and leans over to Calum’s ear. His lips brush against Calum’s skin. Goosebumps, again. “Only gonna be one thing in your ass and that’s m—“

“Ashton, blanket,” Calum says, his cheeks flushing bright red. Ashton pretends he doesn’t notice and pushes himself off the ground. He pulls a sleeping bag out of the tent that they set up earlier and unzips it so it lays flat on the ground. 

“Better?” he asks as he kneels down on top of the makeshift blanket.Calum rolls himself over a few feet onto the blanket. “Perfect.” He reconnects their lips, pulling Ashton out of his kneeling position and on top of him. 

Ashton grinds his hips down against Calum’s almost instantly. “Want you,” Calum whispers, breathy and out of air. “Need you,” he adds after a moment. 

“I love you,” Ashton answers., his hot breath billowing over Calum’s throat. 

Calum’s bloodshot eyes meet Ashton’s — which are absolutely intoxicating when rimmed with red. “I love you, too. Forever.” Ashton smiles at his boyfriend, loving how he looks below him. His hands find the hem of Calum’s sweatshirt and t-shirt, pulling both up and over his head in one fell swoop. 

The cool night air feeling good against Calum’s bare skin. Goosebumps rise as Ashton’s mouth plants sloppy kisses across his chest and stomach. His breath hitches when he nips at his hip bones. His eyes flutter shut in bliss and he focuses on his breathing. Ashton’s cold hands work quickly to remove Calum’s jeans, exposing his bulge straining against his boxer briefs. 

Calum reaches down and takes hold on Ashton’s shoulders, taking charge for once. He flips himself on top of Ashton and takes his turn at undressing his boyfriend until their both in their underwear, their lips tangled and their mouths moving against each other quickly and hungrily. 

“Fuck foreplay,” Ashton groans against Calum’s mouth. Calum giggles, but nods in agreement, then slides off of Ashton’s body onto his stomach beside him. He shimmies out of his boxers and sticks his butt in the air, a grin still planted on his face. 

Ashton laughs before reaching into Calum’s backpack. “Lube’s in the side pocket,” Calum tells him, shaking his ass back and forth while he waits. Ashton pulls the bottle from the bag and slicks up his fingers, plunging them into his boyfriend without much warning. Calum groans in pleasure, his cock already leaking at the tip. Ashton stretches him out as quickly as he can, his fingers knowing exactly what to do to get his boyfriend ready. 

Before long, Calum is positioned on all fours and Ashton is lining himself up, ready to drive himself into Calum until they’re both dizzy. His first thrust is slow, teasing. Calum’s breathing is heavy and uneven already, though. Ashton takes his time, working his way up to fast, deep thrusts. Calum’s moans echo through the open space. 

Calum feels his edge coming close and wraps a hand around his own cock. “Ash, I’m so close,” he whines as his boyfriend pounds into him again. He pumps his hand a few times, chasing that high. 

“Come for me, babe,” Ashton rasps as his hand makes contact with Calum’s ass in a rough slap. The contact has Calum unraveling, his cum spurting out onto the sleeping bag below them. He collapses below his boyfriend, to weak to hold himself up, the orgasm amplified from the drugs. Ashton pulls out of him, smirking. 

“You didn’t finish,” Calum says once he catches his breath.

“It’s fine,” Ashton replies. “Watching you was enough for me.” 

Calum rolls his eyes. “Okay, that was cute and cheesy, but shut up.” He pushes off his position laying on his side and onto his back before crawling down and kneeling between his legs. He takes his cock in his hand, pumping it a few times to get it hard again. He licks up the length, loving the taste of his boyfriend’s skin. He takes the head in his mouth, sucking softly. Ashton reaches down and knots hit hand in Calum’s curls. He guides his head up and down, the feeling of his warm, wet mouth almost as amazing as being inside of him.

Calum’s lack of gag reflex never fails to turn Ashton on more. Ashton wasn’t necessarily huge, but he wasn’t exactly small, either, and Calum took his entire length into his throat like it was nothing. Calum’s eyes flutter open when Ashton lets out a particularly loud moan, and he watches as Ashton tilts his head back in pure bliss. Calum takes that as a sign and tightens his throat around his boyfriend’s cock. That drives Ashton over the edge, and his hot cum shoots into the back of Calum’s throat. He swallows the load and sucks on the tip, pulling every last bit of the orgasm out of Ashton. 

Ashton pulls Calum up by his hair to meet his mouth. The kiss is sloppy and wet, but they love every second of it. They roll around on the blanket, their mouths all over each other and their jaws and necks and collarbones. When they finally separate, neither can wipe the stupid grin off their face.

“Happy anniversary, beautiful,” Ashton says, brushing sweaty curls off Calum’s forehead. He plants another kiss on Calum’s lips, this one soft and short. 

“Happy anniversary,” Calum answers, pulling Ashton tight against his chest. “The first of many to come.”

+++ 

“And that’s the story of when we took a trip. Do we ever do anything without having sex? I really don’t think we do,” Ashton laughs as he wraps up the tape. Calum laughs, too, because he knows it’s true. They were definitely a sex driven couple.

“We should go camping more if it’s going to always end up like that.” Calum agrees with the happy ending, but he suffered at least a dozen of mosquito bits in undesirable places that night, so he could probably pass on the camping part. 

“Anyways, that’s all I have for today. I miss you. I love you. I’ll ‘talk’ to you tomorrow. Bye.” The Walkman clicks as the tape ends and Calum presses his lips together. He climbs into bed and puts nature sounds on the sound machine app Ashton has insisted he tried out a few months ago because it was “seriously life changing.” The sweep of wind and rustling of trees on the recording reminds Calum of sleeping under the stars with the man he loves and he falls into a peaceful sleep almost instantly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry my stoner ass couldnt get thru this fic without making the boys™ get high together !!! i've officially gone thru my stockpile of chapters (i usually try not to post until i have another chapter finished/near finished) so the next few updates are gonna come slower sorry (but if u can wait 8 months for me to update than i guess u can wait an extra week or two) ANYWAY come talk to me on [](http://cashtonjpg.tumblr.com) and tell me how much u love cashton bc thats all i care about !!!!!!!!


	10. the day we moved in together

Sunday starts with errands Calum doesn’t want to run — he picks up a few groceries, collects some shirts from the dry cleaners, does his laundry. By the early afternoon, he’s ready to collapse onto the couch and not move, so he does just that. With Gunner curled up on one side of him and Guinness sprawled out on the opposite side, he flips through the latest edition of an architecture magazine he’s subscribed to. 

He had placed the Walkman on the coffee table in the living room, but was putting off listening to the tape too early in the day. The days seemed to drag on when he listened to the tapes early in the morning — they were the highlight of his day and time seemed to pass slower when he didn’t have that excitement to look forward to. 

When Calum finds himself at the end of the magazine, he tosses it onto the coffee table and heads into the kitchen to fix himself something to eat. He throws together a sandwich before returning to the same spot on the couch. The dogs stir as he settles into the worn leather and pulls a blanket over his lap. He reaches out for the Walkman before leaning back, deciding that it’s an acceptable time for him to start listening to the tape for the day. 

Gunner plops his head down on Calum’s lap, eyeing the sandwich that he’s balancing on one knee. “Don’t even think about it,” Calum says to the dog softly. He scratches the dog behind his ear, which seems to distract him for the time being. Calum presses play on the Walkman, then sinks his teeth into the sandwich before the dog can.

“Hello, my dear,” Ashton chirps into the headphones. Calum’s face instantly lights up and the tension he didn’t realize he was carrying in his shoulders dissipates. “I hope you’ve had a wonderful Sunday. Or are having a wonderful Sunday. Or are going to have a wonderful Sunday. I can’t predict when you’ll be listening to this. That’s annoying.” Calum can feel the eye roll Ashton made while recording the time.

“Anyway, this story is about when I knew what we had was real. Like _real_ real. Like, you didn’t actually secretly hate me and were stringing me along in some sort of elaborate long con or something real.” Calum rolls his eyes and stifles a laugh. How did he fall in love with such a freak?

“Anyway….” Ashton continues with an exasperated sigh. “This is the day we moved in together.”

+++

“So, remind me why you felt the need to drag me out of bed this morning when I was perfectly content with staying under the sheets and naked with you for the rest of the day?” Ashton wonders out loud as Calum makes a quick turn before the stoplight turns red.

Calum’s arm stretches over the center console, his hand resting on Ashton’s knee. “Because your lease is up in 2 weeks,” Calum explains, giving the knee a gentle squeeze.

“So, we’re going apartment shopping for me?” Ashton asks, his eyebrows furrowed. 

“No, we’re going apartment shopping for _us_ ,” Calum replies nonchalantly.

Ashton tries to not let his jaw hit the floor. “Are you asking me to move in with you?” They pull into the parking lot of a building that looks familiar to Ashton, almost like he’d seen photos of it before. When he looks around from his spot in the passenger seat, he sees why. The logo of the architecture firm Calum works for is plastered across a sign advertising the newly developed apartment building and the available units. 

Calum shrugs. “I’m asking you to come look at an apartment with me and maybe, if we like it, we can move in together.” 

“This is like, a big deal, Cal. Why are you being so casual about it?” 

“It’s not a big deal if we don’t make it one. We already basically live together, so it just makes economic sense for us to consolidate into one apartment.” Calum doesn’t like the hint of reluctance he hears in Ashton’s voice, but he’s sure it will fade the moment he sees the kitchen in this place. “C’mon.” Calum gets out of the car and waits for Ashton to do the same.

Calum had this plan in his mind for months. The day the plans for the building came across his desk, he had a feeling in his stomach like this was supposed to be _their place_. When he not so subtly coerced Ashton into telling him when his lease was up a few week earlier, just as the building was entering the final stages of development, it felt like the pieces of the puzzle were falling into place. Calum was already in love with the apartment, he just needed to get Ashton on board.

They walk through the large glass doors into the building’s lobby once Calum has unlocked the door with the key he borrowed from his boss. The architecture is modern, but not harsh. Large panes of glass boarder the room, warm wood covers the floor. Calum presses the up button on the elevator and the pair waits in silence, Ashton’s eyes darting around the room and taking in the site. He’s trying to imagine himself living here.

Calum hits the button for the third floor once they’re in the elevator. “Okay, so,” he starts as the doors shut behind them. “We’re looking at apartment five. It’s one of the available units, so if we like this one, we could start filing out the application right away for this specific one. Or we could check out some of the others, I would just have to get the keys.” Ashton stays silent, only giving a slight nod of acknowledgement. He’s lost in thought, and Calum knows that, but silent Ashton always scares him. He’s used to chatty Ashton who can’t keep his mouth shut if he tries. Calum keeps talking to fill the silence. “It’s one bedroom, one bath, but I figured that’s enough for us. I mean, it’s a starter place.” 

The elevator dings as they land on the third floor. Calum leads the way down the hall to the left. The walls in the hallway are white, but not that super harsh, bright white that kind of hurts your eyes to look at. An ambient white, with soft golden light glowing down from the ceiling. The door of apartment five has a wooden door in the same tone as the flooring. A white “5” hangs in the center of the door, just above the peep hole. Calum uses another key to open the door and pushes it open, then holds it open so Ashton can walk in first.

Ashton is astounding by the initial sight of the place. It’s empty, but he can picture exactly how their furniture would look, where it would sit, how he would decorate the walls. He strolls slowly through the open living room space that opens into a kitchen. He loves the open concept — the way there’s no walls that separates the kitchen from the dining area from the living room. He can imagine the parties they could throw. Intimate, small parties, because of the limited space, but parties, nonetheless. 

“So?” Calum says, breaking the silence that bounced off the empty walls. 

Ashton turns to him, a grin on his face. “I love it. I love you. Show me the bedroom.”

Calum’s face breaks into a wide grin and he takes Ashton’s hand in his. He tugs him towards the bedroom — walls painted a pale blue-grey color, the same hardwood flowing in from the hallway, massive windows and a skylight that bright so much natural light into the space. 

“Yeah, I can imagine fucking you in here,” Ashton laughs. He leans over and presses a peck on Calum’s lips. 

“Is that a ‘yes, Calum, I would love to move in with you’?” Calum smiles. He reaches out, wraps his arms around Ashton’s shoulders. Ashton pulls Calum closer, his hands around his waist. 

“You never even asked me the question.” 

Calum’s eyes linger on Ashton’s mouth. “Ashton Irwin, would you do the honor of officially moving in with me after basically living in my apartment for the past year?” 

Ashton laughs before pressing his lips to Calum’s again, this time in a soft, slow kiss. “I would be honored, Calum Hood.”

+++

It takes about a month for them to get approved for the apartment and get an official move in date, so for a few weeks Calum’s apartment is littered with boxes of Ashton’s things that have nowhere else to go. After a few days of arguing with his landlord, Calum was able to back out of the remaining two months on his lease by forfeiting his security deposit. As moving day approached, the apartment became more like a pile of boxes and scattered dog toys than a home.

They start moving in on a cloudy Saturday morning, the early summer heat mixed with scattered rain making the air impossibly thick and humid. With the help of moving company equipped with inexplicably attractive movers — who Calum and Ashton both pretend not to ogle at as they bend over — their furniture and boxes are loaded into the apartment within a few hours. 

“Now what?” Ashton says, spinning in a slow circle in the crowded living room. The boxes are stacked up higher than their heads and the furniture needs to be moved around. Just looking at it is overwhelming. 

Calum walks around the room, looking at the labels scrawled in sharpies across the boxes. He finds the one he’s looking for and pulls out Guinness’s bed. “Most importantly,” he says, tossing it on the floor in the center of the room. 

Ashton lets out a short laugh, accompanied by a nod. “Definitely the most important thing.” Guinness’s sixth sense must have kicked in, because he comes trotting around a corner and settles down directly in the bed. 

“And now what?” Calum echoes Ashton’s earlier statement, stepping closer to his boyfriend, a devious grin on his face. 

When he’s within arms reach, Ashton extends his arms out and sets them on Calum’s hips. Calum’s smile grows; Ashton tugs him closer. Calum trips a little as he steps forward and catches himself by pressing his body against Ashton’s. “Welcome home,” Ashton says softly as he backs himself up against the wall in the entryway, Calum in tow. Calum dips his head and buries it into Ashton’s neck, pressing wet kisses along his exposed skin. Ashton hums his approval. 

Calum pulls back. Ashton stares at his lips, glossy with saliva. He watches his mouth as it forms words. “You know, we need to christen this place.” 

Ashton grabs hold of Calum’s shoulders and turns them, so Calum’s back now presses against the wall. “Oh, I know…” Ashton says, his lips at the base of Calum’s throat. “Where first?” he mumbles against the warm, brown skin. Calum lets out a low, throaty moan while Ashton sucks on his neck, already feeling his hard on straining against his jeans. “Here will have to do,” Ashton answers his own question. 

His mouth continues to work at Calum’s neck, leaving behind marks that he may have some trouble covering for work. Ashton runs his hands down Calum’s chest, feeling the soft definition beneath his shirt. His fingers reach Calum’s pants and he fumbles with the button and zipper. Calum’s breathing is heavy in Ashton’s ear. He parts his lips from Calum’s skin and looks into his eyes as he pulls his jeans and boxers down in one, swift motion. Calum lets out a small gasp at the sudden movement. He pushes forward to meet Ashton’s lips, but Ashton just places a small peck on his plump mouth before sinking down to his knees, keeping his eyes locked with Calum’s the whole time.

Ashton spits on his hand and wraps in around the base of Calum’s cock, pumping it a few times. Calum tilts his head back, resting it against the wall behind him. Ashton takes his time working Calum up — slowly gliding his tongue along every inch of Calum before finally taking him into his mouth. He bobs his head slowly, almost painfully so. Calum hands find their way into Ashton’s curls and tugs on them slowly, hoping that it will distract him from his knees that feel like they’re about to buckle. Calum feels his vision going blurry from pleasure. Ashton hums around his cock and Calum’s hips buck forward involuntarily — Ashton can take it, though. 

Calum looks down at Ashton, and Ashton is looking right back up at him. He drinks in the way Calum’s eyes are squinted slightly and the perfect O shape his mouth has formed, the way his Adam’s apple bobs when he lets out a moan and the way his chest rises as he struggles to keep his breath even. 

A loud knock on the door breaks them out of their trance and has Ashton falling backwards. They stare at each other for a moment, their expressions the physical embodiment of the word fuck. After a second, they begin to scramble — Calum quickly pulls his pants up, hoping that his hard on will magically disappear, and Ashton pushes himself to his feet, wiping his mouth clean with the back of his hand while sharing a cheeky grin with Calum. 

Ashton pulls open the door to find their landlord standing at the door. They had met him a few times, Calum more than Ashton throughout the construction of the building. “Hey, guys!” he says, a smile on his face and a wrapped plate in his hand. “I just wanted to see if you were settling in okay.” 

Calum snorts and Ashton swings his arm back to hit him in the stomach lightly. “Settling in great, thank you. The place is amazing.” Guinness has popped up from his bed and has trotted over to the door to inspect the situation. He nudges Calum’s hand with his wet nose, and Calum aimlessly pats his head, trying to contain the blush he feels climbing up his neck.

“Glad to hear that.” He holds out the plate in his hands, offering it to Ashton. “My wife baked some cookies, thought I would bring you some as a little apartment warming gift.” Calum’s face lights up at the mention of baked goods. 

“That is so sweet, thank you,” Ashton answers.

“No worries. How’s this little guy doing?” The landlord reaches over to pat Guinness on the head and scratch behind his ears. Ashton and Calum share a glance that says ‘how do we get this guy out of here so we can go back to fucking.’

“Plopped himself right down in bed the second we unpacked it,” Calum says, forcing a smile. “We’ve still got a lot to unpack, though.” _Please take the hint_ Calum silently hopes.

“Oh, well, don’t let me keep you from that. Just let me know if you need anything at all.” He retreats with a nod of his head and a hand lifted in a wave. 

Ashton lets the door swing shut and turns towards Calum. “Jesus.” 

Calum lets out the laugh he had been holding in for the past minute, doubling over. His eyes crinkle up and his smile radiates throughout the near empty living room. Ashton catches on to his contagious laughter and chuckles as he walks towards the kitchen to set the plate of cookies down. 

“I can’t believe that just happened,” Calum laughs once he finally catches his breath. He follows Ashton into the kitchen. “‘Hey, thanks for letting us live in your apartment building, but you just caught my boyfriend giving me one of the best blow jobs of my life and we need to get back to that.’ Think that would have gotten him to go?”

Ashton shakes his head. “Might have gotten us evicted on the first day, though.” They share another laugh.”One of the best blow jobs of your life, though?” he adds, raising an eyebrow and taking a step closer to Calum. 

Calum blushes slightly and nods. He looks down for a second and closes the gap between him and Ashton. When he looks back up, he’s tugged his bottom lip between his teeth and stares at Ashton through his thick eyelashes. Calum places and hand on Ashton’s chest and trails it down his stomach, landing on his crotch. He palms Ashton’s cock over his pants and feels it stiffen beneath the fabric. Ashton groans and his eyelids flutter shut. “Now, where were we?” 

Their lips meet in the middle in a hot, passionate kiss. Calum’s hands slide under Ashton’s shirt, craving the feeling of his bare skin. He pulls back from the kiss and starts trailing kisses along Ashton’s jaw and down his neck. Wanting more, Calum pulls back and tugs Ashton’s shirt over his head. His lips returning to Ashton’s skin instantly, covering every inch in soft, open mouth kisses and gentle bites. Ashton’s hands land on Calum’s hips, pulling their centers closer together. He wants Calum, needs Calum. 

When Calum pulls back for a second, Ashton takes the opportunity to take dominance. He gives Calum a light shove backwards, and Calum stumbles a few steps backwards before balancing himself on the kitchen counter. Ashton has that look in his eyes — hot, hungry, could be mistaken for anger if Calum didn’t know better. 

Slowly, Ashton strips off Calum’s t-shirt. His fingertips graze Calum’s shoulders, his chest, his stomach, his sides, causing goosebumps to rise on every bit of exposed flesh. “So beautiful,” Ashton mumbles against Calum’s neck. His lips don’t touch Calum’s skin, but his hot breath is enough to elicit a moan. “All mine.” Calum bites down on his lip so hard that he thinks it might draw blood.

Ashton tugs Calum’s pants and boxers down, pushes them around his ankles. He grabs Calum by the waist and turns him so Calum is bent over the counter and Ashton is examining the vast plains of his back. Ashton sinks down to his knees again peppers kisses over Calum’s lower back. His hands cup Calum’s ass and he rubs it slowly, dragging another moan from Calum’s mouth. His mouth works its way downwards and he uses his hands to spread Calum, exposing him. Ashton lets out a long, ragged breath. 

“Ash, come on,” Calum whimpers, needing Ashton’s touch and his tongue.

“Always so eager for me, babe.”

“ _Please, Ash_ ,” Calum continues to beg. 

Ashton loves having this control, this power over Calum, Loves hearing him have to beg for it. “Please, what?” he mocks, giving Calum’s ass a good, tight squeeze.

Calum moans and rocks his hips backwards, closer to Ashton. “I want your tongue and your fingers in me, babe. Please touch me.” 

Ashton hums his approval. “Good boy,” he affirms Calum before dipping his head forward and pressing his tongue to Calum’s hole. Calum practically yelps in pleasure, thankful for some sort of contract. 

Ashton’s tongue does the work, alternating between long, flat tongued licks and short and quick jabs. When he starts sucking, a string of curses and moans flow from Calum’s mouth. 

“Ash, I’m so close,” Calum whines as he fumbles to wrap a hand around his own cock. Ashton pulls back and gives Calum’s ass a hard slap, then knocks his hand away from his cock. 

“Not yet, babe. We haven’t even made it to the bedroom.” 

Calum lets out a long sigh. “Oh, come on…” 

Ashton smiles and slaps Calum’s ass again, this time lighter. “Come on, babe. On to the next room. Let’s break in that new bed.” He turns off and heads to the bedroom, and after pulling his pants back on, Calum follows.

They both stop in the doorway, though, when they realize that they can’t break in their bed if they still need to put it together. Calum, leaning against the doorframe, slides to the ground in defeat. “How are we supposed to fuck in our bed when we _don’t have a bed_?” he groans. 

“Guess we’re just going to have to put it together, first,” Ashton answers, chipper despite the fact that he’s going to have to wait to get his dick wet. The pieces of the bed — the headboard, the frame, the footboard — all lean against the far wall of the bedroom. “Now if we could just find the toolkit…” Ashton says, more to himself than to Calum, who is still sitting on the floor, looking dejected and horny. Ashton starts rifling through boxes, looking at the labels on the sides. He steps over Calum and walks to the living room to check those boxes. 

He comes back a few minutes later, red toolbox in hand. “Come on, babe,” Ashton says to Calum, nudging him with his foot before stepping back over him. “The sooner we put this bed together, the sooner I can fuck you on it.” 

Calum rolls his eyes, but pushes himself off the floor and trudges over to where their bed sits in pieces. 

“We just have to screw these few pieces together and throw the mattress on,” Ashton tells him, taking charge.

“Babe. I may be the guy who draws how to build things, but I think I can figure out how to actually build things, too.” 

Ashton giggles. “Yeah, right. Go ahead, Bob the Builder.” He hands the drill to Calum. Calum rolls his eyes again. They get to work assembling the bed, Ashton holding the pieces in place and Calum drilling the screws in to hold it all together.

“Just a few more nails,” Calum says when the frame is together. He starts hammering a few nails in to spots that look weak in the wooden frame. 

“And then I’m gonna nail you,” Ashton mumbles as he walks behind Calum, who is on all fours on the ground, ass in the air.

Calum laughs and shakes his ass. “Make yourself useful and drag the mattress over here.”

Ashton does as he’s told and slides the mattress across the wood floors. Calum gets off the ground and helps him flip it onto the bed frame. “Look at that,” Calum says with a smile, surveying their work.

“Nicely done, but I gotta pee,” Ashton laughs. He trudges off to the bathroom and Calum lays himself down across the bed on his stomach, tired from the manual labor of the day. He shuts his eyes — just a minute of rest, he tells himself.

Ashton comes back into the room a minute later. “Alright, babe, time to christen this room,” he says as he makes his way towards the bed. When Calum doesn’t answer, he sits down on the edge of the bed. “Cal? Did you actually fall asleep?”

Calum’s soft snores answer the question. 

“God, I love you.”

+++ 

“Still can’t believe your ass fell asleep on me,” Ashton laughs. Calum laughs along with him, because, while he can believe it, he’s surprised Ashton let a half asleep Calum keep him from getting laid.

“I love this little apartment, our little home, and I know I’m going to miss it so much. Even that wet dog smell that lingers on _everything_ we own.” Calum pats Guinness and Gunner on their heads as if to tell them that it was okay, Ashton wasn’t been intentionally mean. 

“I’m just glad we didn’t get walked in on that first day because that would have been…uh…interesting,” he giggles. Calum sinks further into the couch. He wished he had unhindered access to that sound. Only a few more days. 

“Anyway, that’s the story of the day we moved in together…officially, I guess, since I was mooching off you for months before that. I love you. I miss you. I’ll ‘talk’ to you tomorrow. Bye.” The recording clicks off and Calum finds himself wishing for a few more seconds with Ashton’s voice. 

Calum trudges into the bedroom and digs into the back corner of one of Ashton’s dresser drawers. He pulls out a sweatshirt — grey, oversized, reeks of Ashton. That will have to do for the next few days, he supposes. Only five to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry not sorry that this fic relies so heavily on smut .... the next few chapters will be a little less dirty OKAy!! come chat w me on [tumblr](http://cashtonjpg.tumblr.com) i love hearing ur feedback!! xoxoxo


	11. the day we became a family

Monday morning rolls around and Calum struggles to wake up, walk the dogs, and get to work like he does every other Monday. The reminder in the back of his head telling him that this is his last Monday without Ashton makes him a little less drowsy as he sips his to-go mug of coffee in the car on the way to work. He’s headed to a job site today, one that’s a little further out of town and will take him about 30 minutes to drive to. He remembered this right before leaving the apartment, and snatched the Walkman and today’s cassette from the box so he could listen on the way to work. 

He pops one earbud in, leaving one out so he can hear what’s happening on the road around him. Calum presses the play button and starts to pull out of his parking space. 

“Hey, Cal,” Ashton starts. Calum drives with one hand on the steering wheel, one resting on his thigh. “I think I’m most excited to tell this story out of all the ones I’ve done so far.” Ashton’s sentiment makes Calum excited for what’s to come.

“We really…I don’t know…this day was just really important for me and I think it was really important for us as a couple. I think about it all the time. I’ll stop rambling. This is the day we became a family.”

+++

Guinness sprawls on the couch, head resting on Ashton’s lap and a paw reaching out to touch Calum’s thigh. Ashton rubs his belly mindlessly and Calum holds his paw in his hand. There’s a documentary playing on the screen — something about sex trafficking that a friend of Ashton’s had just released. It’s enthralling and horrifying and neither boy can tear their eyes away from the screen for more than a moment. 

Silence sits heavy over them while the credits roll. Then Guinness snores loudly and breaks the thoughtful tension in the air, reducing Ashton to a few giggles and a fond smile as he looks down at the dog.

“We should get another,” Ashton says quietly, petting the patch of grey hair that recently sprung up under Guinness’s snout. 

Calum perks up at this idea. “Really? You want another?” 

Ashton grins. “I feel like Guinness is _your_ dog and I want one that’s _our_ dog.” He pauses. “I think there would be some sort of poetic justice if we went to a no kill shelter and got another dog, too.”

Calum doesn’t need much more convincing. He bounces off the couch and retrieves his laptop. He opens one of those pet finder websites and begins the search for dogs at shelters in the area before Ashton can stop him. 

“Maybe we should think about it a little first, though, babe,” Ashton says softly, realizing he’s created a monster. He wanted a dog, obviously, but he didn’t think Calum would instantly be on board with the idea. Well, he did know he would be instantly on board with the idea, but he thought that some rational thinking would be part of the process. A new dog was a lot of work, especially introducing a shelter dog into a home where another dog already lived. With Calum working full time, Ashton knew he would get stuck with most of the responsibilities, while Calum was just in it for the snuggles. 

“Look at that face!” Calum beams, turning the laptop towards Ashton. A picture of a dog, a pitbull mix of some sort, practically smiling at the camera fills the screen. Ashton can’t fight the smile that grows on his face.

“You really think we can do this?” Ashton asks, watching Calum scroll through picture after picture of dogs up for adoption.

Calum shuts his laptop and sets it down on the coffee table. He turns his body towards Ashton, his smile reaching his eyes and leaving those adorable creases Ashton loves so much. Calum takes Ashton’s hands in his and gives them a light squeeze.

“Ashton, will you do me the honor of being the father of my adopted dog son?” Calum asks, the tinge of sarcasm in the question masked by Ashton’s pure adoration for his idiot boyfriend.

“I would love nothing more, Cal.”

+++ 

The animal shelter is loud. Much louder than the other two shelters they had visited that day, at least. 

Calum had wanted just about every dog they saw at the other shelters, but Ashton named himself the voice of reason and was convincing Calum that when they saw the right dog, they would know. 

The cages at this shelter were bigger, more like small individual rooms for each dog. An employee had just brought them back to the area where the kept the dogs, and the duo was slowly roaming down the aisle between cages where excited dogs were practically throwing themselves against the fences to get closer to them. They pause in front of a few cages, looking at the pups inside. Calum sticks his fingers in between the chainlink of one cage towards a husky-looking dog, and yelps and falls backwards when the dog practically chews his finger off. 

Ashton laughs and helps Calum off his ass. “Well, I don’t think—” He pauses to look at the name card on the cage. “Jed is coming home with us today. What kind of name is Jed, anyway?” 

Calum is starting to feel a little down and disappointed about the whole search for a shelter dog situation. He loved all the dogs they had seen already and felt awful about leaving so many of them behind. One day, he promises himself, he’ll move to a farm with Ashton and they’ll adopt every dog they come in contact with. 

Just when he’s about to give up, Ashton waves him over to a cage towards the end of the row. “Hey, buddy,” Ashton coos into the cage as Calum approaches. The dog isn’t jumping at the bit to get towards the action. He’s laying in a bed towards the back of the wage, his eyes wide and on Ashton. 

“His name’s Gunner,” Calum says, looking over the information on the card on the cage. “Two years old, German Shepard mix, good with other dogs and kids, shy at first but he warms up to people quickly.” 

The employee, who had been lingering while the boys looked at the dogs, approaches the cage. “He’s a real sweetheart,” she says with a soft smile. “You want me to open the cage? You guys can go in.” Calum nods eagerly and she uses the key around her neck to open the gate. 

Ashton steps in first and approaches the dog slowly so he doesn’t startle him. He squats down next to the bed and lets Gunner sniff his hand before scratching behind his ear. The dog closes his eyes and leans into the petting. Calum smiles widely from where he stands behind Ashton. 

“Cal—“ Ashton starts after a moment. He turns his head and looks up at Calum.

“He’s the one, Ash.”

+++

With Gunner secured in the backseat of the car, Calum sitting with their new dog, and Ashton behind the wheel, the trio sets off to go home.

They had to wait a few days before they were able to take Gunner home, between evaluating if he would be a good fit in their home and the paperwork involved with adopting him. That gave them time to prepare, though — buy a second set of doggy bowls, probably a few too many new toys, and a bed that matched Guinness’s. Though he wasn’t able to actually tell them, Ashton and Calum knew Guinness was excited to have a new brother.

Gunner curiously watches out the window as they drive home. Calum and Ashton had gone to visit him in the shelter nearly every day over the past week since they decided to adopt him, so the dog had warmed up to them. He wasn’t overly affectionate like Guinness, but he was sweet and friendly and he would cuddle up with them if he felt like it. 

They pull into the parking lot of the apartment building and Calum hooks Gunner onto the new leash he had just bought him. He jumps out of the backseat as soon as the door is open, excited to explore the new place. Gunner goes crazy, tail wagging and sniffing everything in sight and pulling on the leash so he can go further. He obeys when Calum gives him a light tug towards the entrance to the building.

He’s not fond of the elevator, probably because he’s not used to it, but the second they’re out, he’s back to sniffing everything. He can probably pick up on Guinness scent from down the hall. 

Ashton opens the door to the apartment and Guinness is automatically at the door. Ashton holds the older dog by his collar as Calum eases Gunner through the door. He lets him off the leash and Ashton releases Guinness. The two dogs look at each other for a second, then start sniffing around each other, assessing the situation. Before long, they’re running through the living room jumping on each other and nipping at the other’s face playful. Calum and Ashton watch from where they’ve settled onto the couch.

Calum reaches down and pets Gunner when the dogs take a break from playing and come towards the couch. “Welcome home, bud.”

+++

Calum has already arrived at the job site when Ashton finishes the story. He had been sitting in his car for a few minutes trying to fight the urge to turn back home and spend the day with the dogs. 

“I like to think that we didn’t choose Gunner, but Gunner chose us,” Ashton says, not a hint of sarcasm in his voice. “I don’t care if it’s cliche.” Ashton laughs. “He just walked into the room, I think he heard me talking about him.” He pauses, and Calum thinks he’s probably distracted by petting the dog. 

“Maybe one day we can get another one. Or five more. I think that sounds like a fair deal.” Calum nods in agreement. He may not be fully on board with having kids yet, but he’s definitely on board with more fur babies. 

“Anyway, that’s the story of the day we became a family. One of the happiest days of my life, probably. I’m probably gonna miss the boys more than I miss you on this trip, and you just have to live with that.” Fair enough, Calum thinks. 

“I love you. I miss you. I’ll ‘talk’ to you tomorrow.” The recording clicks off and Calum pulls out the headphones. He tosses the Walkman onto the passenger seat and grabs his work bag off the ground. As he heads towards the worksite, Calum adds a countdown to the hours until he can see the dogs to the countdown to the day Ashton comes home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that this was so short and boring i just felt like i couldnt write this fic without writing about THE DOGS!! i think you'll be happy for this nice cute chapter when u read the next one which is (heads up) AN ANGST FEST (my fave) come talk to me on [tumblr](http://cashtonjpg.tumblr.com) thanks xoxoxo


	12. the day we almost lost forever

Calum thinks he’s lost the Walkman. He tries to retrace his steps. He listened to yesterdays cassette in the car, but he could have sworn he took in out when he got home from work. He faintly remembers putting it on the table in the kitchen, but that could have been another day. The memories are all blurring together.

It’s 6:30PM and it’s raining, sheets of water pour down from the sky like a waterfall. Calum’s had a mentally exhausting day full of paperwork and all he wants to do is hear Ashton’s voice, but he really can’t find the damn Walkman. He grabs the umbrella he left by the front door and heads outside, hoping that he left it in the car and forgot about it. 

The umbrella does little to protect him from the rain and his once-dry sweatpants are now splattered with water. He ducks into the driver seat and shuts the door, so he can at least stay dry while he digs through the car. He reaches under the passenger seat and feels around. He pulls out a couple of loose CDs, now scratched beyond repair, and tosses them aside. An empty pack of gum, another useless find. Just when he’s about to give up, his hand brushes the cold metal of the cassette player and he tugs it out from under the seat. A sigh of relief escapes his lips. 

He rushes back inside, avoiding the rain that seemed to start coming down even harder in the past few minutes, and dives directly into bed. He had pulled open the blinds before he went into the missing Walkman induced panic, so he watches the rain drip down the glass as he presses play.

“Hey, Cal,” Ashton starts, his voice unusually sullen in comparison to the other days. “So, right now, as I’m recording this, it’s two days before I leave. Really left this to the last minute. I’ve been putting off telling this story, one, for the sake of chronology, and two, because I know it’s going to be a hard one for me to talk about and a hard one for you to listen to. And I know it’s mean of me to make you listen to this when you’re alone and have to wait a few more days for me to come home, especially when I’m going to get to curl up into bed with you tonight, but it’s so important to our story that I can’t leave it out.” Calum wraps the blankets around him tightly, cocooning himself. He knows what’s coming, and as badly as he doesn’t want to listen, he wants to hear Ashton’s voice. That alone will keep him calm, or so he hopes.

“Just remember, while you’re listening, that we overcame this day together and we’re so much stronger, separately and together, because of it. I love you, Cal. This is the day we almost lost forever.”

+++

Everything falls into place for Ashton on Friday. He gets the call in the morning, barely an hour after Calum had left for work.

“And this isn’t a prank call? You’re being totally serious?” he questions, his mind not able to grasp the fact that everything was happening, _actually happening._

“No, sir, Mr. Irwin,” the deep voice chuckles through the speaker phone. “You have been awarded a grant from the BRITDOC Fund for your project on accessible water in Cambodia. From what we’ve gathered from your application, the grant will fund a majority, if not all, of your project. Congratulations. We’ll be in touch soon to sort out the details.” The call ends before Ashton can even gather the words to thank the representative. 

He’s buzzing for the rest of the day. There isn’t much he can do to prepare until he hears back from the BRITDOC people, but he reads over the plans for the film again and again until his eyes are sore. He cleans the whole apartment, takes the dogs for an extra long walk — despite the overcast sky — and begins planning a dinner date with Calum for that evening. He shoots his boyfriend a quick text to inform him of their new plans for tonight, but leaves out the reasoning. He’ll wait until dinner to tell him.

Ashton’s phone rings later in the afternoon — another call from a BRITDOC representative. They start talking logistics — equipment and travel costs, food, housing accommodations, the money they’ll need to actually build the wells. When it all comes down to it, there’s money to spare in the budget between the crowdsourced funding Ashton had accumulated and the grant. 

“As for the dates, we think the end of next month is the best time to set it all up. Of course, that’s entirely up to you and your crew, but in terms of cost efficiency, that would be your best bet. I understand that would be very short notice, but if this really is what you want to do, Mr. Irwin, I suggest you do it as soon as possible.” 

He’s overwhelmed. He’s been overwhelmed from the moment he answered the phone call and this woman started talking numbers and about his project like she was the one who came up with the whole thing. But now, with the thought of leaving to start his project in 7 weeks, he’s too overwhelmed to speak. Not in a bad way, though. It’s his dream, and he could be living it in 7 short weeks. 

“I think that sounds excellent,” Ashton says, finally gathering the words to describe how he feels. 

“Well then, I’ll send over all the materials I have gathered for you so you can go ahead and get started. The grant check is in the mail and should arrive in 3 to 5 business days. I wish you the best of luck, Mr. Irwin. We are all looking forward to seeing the great changes you can and will make with this film.”

When Ashton hangs up the phone, he stares at the wall for a few minutes, the dumbest smile on his face. All of his dreams are coming true.

+++

The rain begins to fall shortly after Calum returns home from work. (Future Calum hates that it’s raining. It makes everything feel too real, too close.)

“What are we going to dinner for?” Calum asks for the millionth time as he walks into the living room. His button down shirt is hanging open, only the bottom button fastened. Ashton walks towards him and places a kiss on his bare chest before buttoning the shirt the rest of the way for him. He doesn’t answer the question, just picks his wallet up from the counter, hands Calum his car keys, and opens the front door.

“So, are you ever going to tell me? Is there even a reason?” Calum asks again a few minutes later, once they’re driving down the road towards their go-to Italian restaurant. Calum is behind the wheel, one hand on Ashton’s knee, brushing small circles with his thumb.

“If you thinking feeling me up is going to get you answers, you’re sorely mistaken, babe,” Ashton answers, slapping the back of Calum’s hand gently. Calum laughs through his annoyance, but gives up for the time being.

When they finally pull into the restaurant’s parking lot, the raining has picked up, coating the roads with slick puddles and making the air thick and humid. They run from the car to the front door, trying to stay as dry as possible without umbrellas that they had stupidly forgotten by the door. They’re seated at a table immediately and don’t even have to open the menu to know what they’re ordering.

The server brings their drinks over a few minutes after they order: a draft beer for Calum, a glass of red wine for Ashton — for the antioxidants, of course. Ashton sees it as a good enough time to tell Calum what they’re celebrating, so he does.

“So,” he starts, instantly grabbing Calum’s attention. “I got a grant today.” 

Calum lights up. “No way. Which one? Tell me it’s the BRITDOC.”

“It’s the damn BRITDOC, Cal.”

Calum practically jumps out of his seat. He refrains, but Ashton can tell he’s jumping on the inside. “Ash,” he breathes, the widest smile possible on his face, those dimples and crinkles everywhere. “This is amazing. I am so proud of you. Your dreams are coming true and I’m so happy to be here for it.”

Ashton leans across the table and presses a quick kiss to Calum’s lips. “I love you. Thank you for being here for me through it all. I couldn’t have done it without your support.” 

“To you,” Calum says, raising his glass to toast his boyfriend. They clink their glasses and take a sip, their eyes locked. “Tell me everything.” 

Ashton launches into the story. The call that morning, the plans the woman discussed with him on the phone in the afternoon. “And get this — she told me that fiscally, it would make the most sense for us to go at the end of next month. The crews all on board for that, so we’re booking everything the second I get the check.”

Where Calum had been interested in the rest of the story, nodding his head and asking small questions here and there — even after their plates of food arrive — the mention of leaving in seven weeks completely silences him.

“Cal?” Ashton asks after a moment of studying the blank look on his boyfriends face. He could tell he was thinking, but he couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

“The end of next month?” Calum asks after another moment of silence, his voice barely a whisper, harsh and raspy and almost inaudible over the constant buzz of the restaurant around them. 

“Yeah, the end of the next month,” Ashton repeats, his voice soft and echoing Calum’s tone. 

Something in Calum shifts suddenly. That somber look on his face turns angry. Soft eyebrows and sad eyes turn to a harsh furrowed brow and squared off shoulders. “And you didn’t think that was something we should talk about before you started making all your plans?” Calum asks, leaning back in his seat and crossing his arms over his chest.

Ashton isn’t as taken aback by the comment as Calum expects because of course he thought about his boyfriend when making his plans. “I thought of all time times you told me that you want me to follow my dreams and not let anything hold me back, Cal,” Ashton starts, his tone calm and even. “I figured, apparently wrongly, that getting one of the biggest grants I could possible be awarded and having _every single chip_ of my life’s dream fall into place fell under the whole ‘following my dreams’ notion. Guess I was wrong.”

Calum purses his lips. “We’ll talk about this later. I’m not arguing with you here.” His attention turns back to the plate of pasta in front of him. They eat in silence for the rest of the meal, both boys hardly looking up from their plates. Their eyes meet for a moment when the waiter approaches and asks if they would like dessert, and Calum has his credit card held out in the server’s face before Ashton can even process the question. 

The rain is still steadily pouring when they’re heading home, nearly flooding the roads. The radio hums a soft jazz song in the background, Calum’s genre of choice on rainy days. Ashton waits patiently, knowing Calum is going to start arguing with him any second. He enjoys the quiet music, the patter of the rain on the roof of the car, the swishing sound of cars passing in the other direction. The calm before the storm. 

“You know I want you to follow your dreams, but did you really even think about me?” Calum eventually blurts out, cutting into Ashton’s peaceful moment and bringing him right into fight mode. It was a mode he didn’t have to use often with Calum — their tiffs were restrained and civil and usually resolved with food, sex, or a combination of the both. This fight felt different, though. It was different. Calum wasn’t going to be won over with tiramisu or a blow job. 

Ashton sighs, preparing himself for what’s to come. “Of course I thought of you, Cal. But like I said, I know you want this for me, and something as small as whatever your getting hung up on right now can’t possible be as important as me doing this.” 

Calum’s eyes flash over to Ashton, away from the road. “You don’t even know what I’m hung up on, Ash. You don’t even _fucking_ know.” His hands tighten around the steering wheel and he turns back to face the road. White knuckled and staring straight ahead, Ashton can sense the rage boiling in Calum. 

“Tell me, then, Cal,” Ashton says, trying so hard not to raise his voice. He fails. “Tell me what it is that I don’t fucking know! I’d love to know why you’re so against me doing what I’ve always wanted to do!” It hurts Ashton to admit that that’s what’s happening, Calum fighting against Ashton following his dreams. It stings like a thousand bee stings all over his body and a million pin pricks directly to the heart. 

“There’s so much wrong with this that you don’t even understand! You’re ignoring everything that I’m feeling, invalidating me, because this is what you want to do!” Calum yells back. Ashton can feel the car accelerating with every word Calum exclaims. He tries to gather the words to respond, but Calum isn’t finished with his monologue yet.

“It feels like you’re fucking leaving me without a thought. Just pushing me aside and leaving me in the dirt like I don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. I always thought that when you accomplished your dreams, I would be there every step of the way. I even figured I would come to Cambodia with you. I want to come to Cambodia with you. But then you go ahead and make these damn plans without me and decide that I’ll be fine without you for two fucking weeks.” His eyes meet Ashton’s, somehow full of fury and sadness at the same time. They both know his eyes need to be on the road, but their gazes are locked by something they can’t explain. “I wanted to be a part of this, Ashton. I want to be a part of your dreams and you’re not considering that _at all._ You’re doing what you want without any regard for what I want. You’re being so _unbelievable_ selfish, I can’t even find the words—“

Crash.

Tires screeching.

Seat belts digging into flesh.

The whole world spinning.

The prickling of broken glass.

Metal grinding against pavement.

And then nothing.

\+ 

Ashton comes around to the sound of sirens and voices shouting. A dull ache racks his entire body and his mind is fuzzy. Pain shoots up his left arm — it’s pinned beneath his body and the center console. He can’t move, but his eyes dart over to Calum. There’s blood on his face and his eyes are shut. He looks asleep. Ashton can’t breathe.

A face peers through the window of the upside-down car and sees his open eyes. “We’re gonna get you out of there as soon as we can, sir.” 

The darkness takes over again.

+

Everything is sirens and blood. Ashton can’t make out anything except the pain in his arm. _Where is Calum?_

\+ 

Calum’s eyes flutter open in the emergency room. Everything floods back to him — the fight, the accident. Ashton. Where’s Ashton?

Fingers prod his abdomen, and when his vision adjusts to the bright fluorescents, he can see the doctors crowded around him. 

“Hey there,” a female doctor in dark blue scrubs with warm brown eyes says when she notices he’s awake. “You’ve been in an accident, sir. Can you tell me your name?”

“Calum. Where’s Ashton? Where’s my boyfriend? He was in the car. Is he okay? Where is he?”

“We’re doing everything we can for him, Calum.” 

The walls start closing in and Calum can’t breathe.

+

Everything around Calum is hazy. He remembers the exclamations of the doctors in the emergency room — telling him to breath, telling him to focus on that. He remembers the panic spreading throughout his chest, blocking his airways and making his head spin. He remembers the doctors scrambling, reaching for a vial of something. A sedative, he remembers them saying. Everything he heard, everything he saw, was a blur. All he can think of then, and now: _Where is Ashton?_

+

Ashton’s awake and there’s a steady beeping of a machine. The hospital bed is uncomfortable, lumpy and stiff, especially against his sore body. Everything feels like a blur and he barely can recall how he got here. He remembers the fight, the accident, seeing Calum with blood dripping down his face, seemingly lifeless.

His stomach drops and his pace quickens. Seemingly lifeless. Where is Calum? 

Doctors and nurses stroll through the hallways. His eyes dart around the room to take in his surroundings, and that’s when he notices the cast on his arm. White and plaster and heavy. He groans. A broken arm is just what he needs. He finds the call button and presses it, and a nurse is walking in the doorway a moment later.

“You’re awake,” she says with a bright smile. 

“Where’s my boyfriend? Calum? Is he okay?” Ashton asks quickly, his words practically slurring together.

“He’s doing just fine, Mr. Irwin.” She looks around the room, then out the door behind her, checking the surroundings. She steps further into the room towards the bed. “I’m really not supposed to tell you this because you’re not technically a relative but,” she sighs and a closed mouth smile grows on her face as she shrugs. “He had a pretty severe panic attack earlier, so we gave him a mild sedative, but he only sustained a few bumps and bruises and a mild concussion in the accident.” 

Ashton releases a long, deep sigh of relief. He couldn’t imagine what he would have done if Calum had been seriously injured. This was all his fault, and he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if Calum was hurt because of it. “As for you, you’ve sustained a mild break in your arm and a mild concussion. We’re going to keep you for the rest of the night for observation, but you’ll be able to go home in the morning.”

“Can I see him? Can I see Calum?” 

The nurse presses her lips together. “Let me go check with his doctors.” She turns on her heel and heads out of the room. Ashton gets lost in thought while she’s gone — over the stupidity of the argument, mostly. 

She comes back with a wheelchair a few minutes later. “Come on, lets go see your boyfriend.” Ashton has to refrain from leaping out of the bed. She detaches the wires from his chest and helps him out of the bed. He feels lightheaded immediately — the concussion, probably — but pushes through because he _needs_ to see Calum. 

She pushes him down the hallway and talks softly as they move down the corridor. “The sedative is still wearing off, so he’s a little dazed. Kept asking about you, though.” A wide grin takes over Ashton’s face.

Calum is a sight to see in that hospital bed. He has a cut above his eyebrow with a stitch through through the center. A purpling bruise runs down his neck and across his collarbone, mimicking the placement of the seatbelt that kept him in the car. His eyelids are droopy, but Ashton can tell he’s awake. It’s the same face he has when he first wakes up in the morning, tired and groggy, but definitely awake. 

“Cal,” Ashton rasps, his voice suddenly escaping him. The nurse pushes the wheelchair next to the bed and pats Ashton on the shoulder.

“I’ll leave you two alone. Give me a holler when you’re ready to go.” 

“Thank you,” Ashton smiles up at her. She leaves the room and shuts the door on her way out. 

Calum’s eyes have focused on Ashton now. “Babe,” he whispers, his voice hoarse. “Oh, God, I was so scared. You’re okay?” 

Ashton nods, tears filling his eyes, but not yet pouring out. “I’m okay, Cal. I’m okay. I was so scared, too. I still am scared. I just — I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.” 

Calum fumbles around for Ashton’s hand, only to find the one wrapped in a cast. Ashton giggles and offers his other, cast-free hand. “Do not apologize,” Calum answers, squeezing Ashton’s hand with his own. “I’m the one that crashed the car. I’m the one that overreacted. You’re going to Cambodia and you’re going at the end of next month and that’s it.”

A wave of love overwhelms Ashton and the tears spill out of his eyes. “That’s it?” Ashton asks, thinking that this must all be fake, because how could he even deserve someone as incredible as Calum.

“Maybe it’s the drugs talking, but you’re more important to me than any single thing in my entire life. For a minute today, I thought I lost you. I thought I lost you and I thought I lost forever with you and I panicked so badly that they had to shoot me up with horse tranquilizers so I could handle it,” Calum laughs. Ashton loves the way his eyes brighten up when he laughs, and he tries to imagine a world where he can’t look into that chocolate brown color every day, but he can’t. 

“You said don’t apologize, but I’m apologizing,” Ashton says after a moment of silence. Calum opens his mouth to say something, but Ashton places his hand over his boyfriend’s lips to silence him. “I’m sorry I didn’t consider you. I should have talked to you before I talked to anyone else. You’re more important than anyone else. And, sure, this film is my dream, but you’re my dream, too, Cal. I never imagined that I would be in love with the most beautiful, caring boy in the world _and_ get to make the film I’ve always dreamed of making, but I’m have all of it right now, and I’m not letting go of either.” 

Calum bites down on his bottom lip, lost for words. “I love you so much,” he finally manages. “I’m never gonna let you go.” 

Ashton musters all his strength to stand up from his wheelchair and lean over Calum’s bed. He presses a slow kiss to his lips, letting his mouth linger above Calum’s afterwards as their hot breath mingles. “And I’m never gonna go anywhere.”

+++

Calum brushes his tears away on the back of his hand. He hadn’t realized he was crying until the story ended, and now that it was over, all he wanted was to let the sobs wrack through his entire body.

“I’m sorry,” Ashton’s raspy voice comes through the headphones. Calum could tell he was crying while telling the story just as Calum cried while listening. “That was our toughest day, but coming out of it, I know we can do anything.” 

“I know that this was hard for you to listen to, and probably even harder knowing we have to spend even more time apart, so I might have done something before I left.” Calum sighs — not in a “ugh, annoying” way but in a “I can’t believe my boyfriend is the most amazing cornball in the world” way. 

“I really hope you haven’t completely changed and started actually cleaning the apartment while I’m gone, or else that would have ruined this surprise. But check under the bed. I made you a mix.” Calum rolls his eyes so hard because of course Ashton did the most 90’s thing he could think of and made Calum a mix. “Enjoy it. Let it take your mind off this. I love you. I miss you. I’ll ‘talk’ to you tomorrow. Bye.” 

Calum hangs the top half of his body over the edge of the bed and looks underneath it. Another cassette tape is on the floor. He reaches out for it, nearly falls face first onto the ground, manages to get his fingers around it, and pulls himself back onto the bed. He pops it into the Walkman and presses play.

Thoughts of that awful day drain from his mind as he loses himself in the music — The Revivalists, The Kinks, The Killers. Ashton knew exactly what he needed. He always did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all shouts to [ashley](http://thesaltyspice.tumblr.com) for being the BEST ever and giving me this chapter title when i couldnt think of anything worthy of this angst!!!
> 
> this is my favorite chapter ive written for this fic so far (because i love suffering) and im so happy with how it came out .... as always i love hearing your feedback in the comments or on [tumblr](http://cashtonjpg.tumblr.com) so please let me know what u think and validate me!!!!! love u all endlessly xoxo


	13. the day we matched

As the days until Ashton’s return dwindle, the butterflies in Calum’s stomach grow. He’s full of the same nervous energy he felt when they first met, during their first date, the first time they kissed. He feels like these tapes have made him fall in love all over again, and he wants — no, needs — to feel Ashton’s presence all over him.

Calum decides to take the tape on a run with him. The Walkman is a bit of a hassle — he fully understands the whole technology getting smaller throughout the years thing now — but he sucks it up and pops in the headphones as he steps out of the building. The air is cool and damp, humid after the days of rain that were finally over. The sun peaks out from behind the clouds and warms his bare arms and legs. His walk picks up into a jog and he presses the play button on the Walkman, already thankful that Ashton’s voice will distract him from the burn in his lungs. 

“Hi, Cal,” the familiar voice starts. Calum turns the volume up slightly so he can hear over his own heavy breathing. “I love this story because it was such a spontaneous and exciting moment with you. I love how you constantly surprise me and make me surprise myself, and this was one of those days that both of those happened. It’s also the day that you got stuck with me forever. Well, stuck with me forever or a few thousand dollars in debt. This is the day we matched.”

+++ 

Ashton’s fingertips trace the tattoos on Calum’s arms. The sensation is familiar to Calum and Ashton does not think about the motion. His fingers traveling aimlessly on Calum’s tattoos is second nature. He does it when he’s bored, when they’re laying on the couch watching TV, when Calum sleeps in on a Sunday morning, when they’re catching their breath after sex. He has memorized ever mark and curve and wavering line of each tattoo.

“Do you want any more?” Ashton mutters, his voice still rough with sleep. The duvet is draped over their bodies and midmorning Saturday sun streams in through the skylight. Calum has his left arm slung around Ashton, and Ashton is cuddled against Calum’s chest. The warmth generated between their bodies is slightly uncomfortable, but both boys love the sensation of their bare skin pressed together too much to move. 

Calum arches his back to stretch and lets out a quiet sigh. Ashton shifts against him, nuzzling his face into Calum’s neck. “Yeah, been thinking about getting one for you. For us, I mean,” he answers nonchalantly, like he didn’t just propose getting something permanently put on his body for Ashton.

Ashton pops up at that comment, leaning on his left arm and leaving the right one — still encased in a cast — on the bed beside him. He raises his eyebrows, curious about Calum’s statement. “Really? Like what?” 

He shrugs, watching as Ashton runs his fingers over the blank spaces on Calum’s forearm. He lets his mind wander — imagines a hyperrealistic portrait of his face on Calum’s bicep, Ashton’s initials on his wrist to compliment his parent’s initials. “Dunno,” Calum answers. “Maybe a 5…y’know, for apartment 5. Right here.” He reaches over and taps a small blank space above his tattoo for Mali. 

Ashton stares up at his boyfriend in awe for a moment. Calum tries to read his expression — does he think it’s a stupid idea? Does he love it? Does he hate it? He gets his answer a second later. “I love it. I love you.” He leans over and plants a slow kiss on Calum’s mouth, ignoring the morning breath filtering between them. “I want one, too,” Ashton says once he pulls back. 

“No way,” Calum answers, pushing Ashton off his chest and propping himself up on his side. “Do you actually?” Calum traces Ashton’s tattoo virgin skin, pale golden and soft. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to get one because I want one.” 

“I love you, you stupid, beautiful boy,” Ashton smiles. “I want a stupid, beautiful matching tattoo with you because I love you and I’ll never stop loving you. We’ve been through so much and I want to have a reminder of that with me forever.” He dips his head and places a spattering of light kisses on Calum’s collarbones, his mouth lingering above the tattoos there. “And I’m sick of you being the only super cool, edgy, inked one in this relationship.”

A laugh escapes Calum’s mouth and he rolls his body, pushing Ashton beneath him and tackling him with kisses across his face. “You’re perfect, y’know that?” Calum mumbles, his lips hovering just above Ashton’s. He drinks in his face, those hazel eyes and dimples and the little bit of scruff that was starting to grow in. He can’t comprehend how he can feel so much love for one person.

“Can we go today?” Ashton asks. He brushes his thumb over Calum’s bottom lip, waiting for his reaction.

“Like, _today_ today?”

Ashton shakes his head, squinting up at his boyfriend. “No, like tomorrow today. Yes, today today you idiot.” Calum hesitates, trying to understand how Ashton could make such a sudden decision. “Live a little, right?” Ashton continues to fill the silence, bringing up that familiar phrase they used to taunt each other with. 

That sentiment is enough to convince Calum, so he rolls off of Ashton and shrugs. “Okay, lets do it. I’ll make an appointment.” He picks up his phone from the table beside the bed and sends a quick text to his tattoo artist, the guy who had done a majority of what he had done so far, to check if he had availability for something small today. He puts the phone back down and turns his attention back to his boyfriend. “Now what?” he smirks, attempting — and failing — to wink casually.

“Hm…” Ashton hums. “Well, I’m gonna go take a shower…you can…occupy yourself.” Ashton rolls out of bed and takes off towards the bathroom. Watching him retreat in nothing but his tightly boxer briefs is torture to Calum, so he pushes himself out of bed and hurries off after Ashton, slipping into the bathroom and the steaming shower with him.

+++ 

The buzzing of tattoo machines and hard rock music bounces off the shiny, tiled surfaces of the tattoo parlor. For midday on a Saturday, the room is fairly empty. A girl with a nose piercing and a sleeve of tattoos is sitting behind the front desk, flipping through a magazine and smacking on her gum loud enough to be heard over the music. She looks up when Calum and Ashton approach the counter.

“Hey, how can I help you?” she asks, not so subtly batting her eyelashes at Calum. She leans forward on her forearms and gives Calum a once over, completing ignoring Ashton’s presence in the room. Ashton hides a smile behind his hand. He finds it amusing how everyone fawns over Calum. He was once one of those people. 

“My boyfriend and I have an appointment with Ben,” Calum smiles, crushing the poor girls hopes and dreams of ever making Calum fall in love with her. Her eyes flit over to Ashton and she shoots a tight lipped smile in his direction. Ashton interprets the look as “you lucky bitch.”

“He’s in his studio, you can go on back,” she tells them, turning her attention back to her reading material. 

Ashton stifles a laugh and bumps shoulders with Calum as they walk past the desk. Calum presses his lips together, keeping his own laugh internalized. “You’re _so hot_ ,Calum. Let me be your beautiful, tattooed girlfriend, Calum,” Ashton mocks quietly, a hint of jealousy overtaking his casual tone.

Calum rolls his eyes. “I can’t help it that I’m so dreamy, babe.” He leans over and plants a kiss on Ashton’s cheek. “I only have eyes for you, though.” It’s Ashton’s turn to roll his eyes now.

They walk through the doorway into Ben’s studio to find him hunched over the table in the corner. The tattoo artist is big — probably around the same height as Calum and Ashton but way more built. His dark hair is pulled back into a bun, exposing the tattoos that cover his neck. His arms are covered in tattoos over bulging muscles. He turns when he hears their footsteps entering the studio.

“Hey, Cal. This must be Ashton,” he says with a warm smile, extending his hand out to Ashton to shake. Ashton returns the courtesy, feeling tiny in comparison to Ben’s overwhelming size. 

They exchange pleasantries and chat about nothing in particular while Ben looks at some of Calum’s tattoos he had done in the past, checking out his healed work. He takes a few pictures before getting down to business. “So, something small, you said?” he asks, pulling out a sketch pad and a pen.

“Yeah, small,” Calum echoes, tracing the blank space where he wants the tattoo. “We want the number 5, but I don’t know about just having a 5 there or doing it differently.” 

Ben nods his head, looking at the space on Calum’s arm. “And what about you? Thought about placement?” he asks, turning his attention towards Ashton. 

Ashton presses his lips together. “I’m thinking here,” he answers, tapping his right wrist. Calum likes the placement, likes that he’ll always be able to see it and be reminded of how great their love is.

“I’ve got a few ideas,” Ben tells them as he turns to his computer. “We could do a cool font, something bold.” He scrolls through a few fonts before turning back to the pad and starts sketching out a few shapes. “Roman numeral would be V, a little simple if you ask me. Tally marks like this, maybe.” He turns the sketch pad towards them, two different tally mark designs drawn out — one simple, dark and filled in, the other open, just an outline. 

Calum and Ashton exchange a glance, then look back at the sketch pad, then at Ben. “Tally marks,” they say in unison, smiles on both of their faces. 

“I like the outline one,” Ashton says when Ben hands him to sketchbook so they can look closer. He traces the design with his fingers, imagining how it will look on his wrist.

Calum rests his head on Ashton’s shoulder and looks over the sketches with him. “I think I like the filled in one better,” he finally says. 

“I like the idea of having different ones, kind of.” Calum lifts his head from Ashton’s shoulder and watches him talk. “Same concept but not too matchy-matchy.” 

“I like that,” Calum nods. 

They hand the book back to Ben, who picks up his pen and draws the designs a few more times. Larger variations, ones with thicker lines. “Pick out which one you like best. Or I can draw a few more if you don’t like them,” he says when he hands back the book. “I’m gonna go grab a few things I need and be right back.” He pushes himself off his stool and heads out the room, leaving the boys to mull over the designs.

Calum traces the design of one with his index finger while he looks them all over. He takes the book from Ashton’s hands and holds the sheet on paper over the spot where he wants the tattoo. His other tattoos are faintly visible through the white paper, and he drags the sheet around to see what each design would look like. He settles on one that’s simple — slightly messy black tallies that fit perfectly into the space he wants. 

After Calum hands the book back, Ashton does the same. Calum moves the page around for him — functioning with a broken arm was still difficult. He lands on one, effortlessly sketched and scaled to fit the side of his wrist perfectly. “That’s the one,” Calum says, nodding his head slightly. Ashton agrees silently just as Ben walks back into the room. 

“Decide?” he asks the boys as he settles back into his seat. 

Calum hands the book back and points at the design he likes, then at the one Ashton likes. Ben nods. “Gonna do ‘em freehand since they’re pretty simple, if that’s okay with you guys.” 

“Fine by me,” Calum answers, settling onto the table next to Ben’s stool. He trusts Ben — he’s been his go-to tattoo artist for years and he wouldn’t keep coming back if he didn’t know his work was good. 

“Suppose you’re going first, then, huh?” Ben smiles, nodding at Calum’s relaxed position on the table. Calum smiles back and sticks his arm out, ready for the familiar sting of the tattoo machine’s needles scraping along his skin. He hasn’t gotten a new tattoo in awhile — nearly a year, at least. Inspiration just hadn’t struck him until now, until he realized Ashton was his forever.

“I’m just tricking him into getting a tattoo for me and then I’m gonna wimp out and not get one,” Ashton jokes from where he’s leaning against the wall. Calum rolls his eyes, Ben laughs. 

The tattoo machines whirls to life, the faint hum masking any traces of laughter still in the air. Calum inhales deeply to brace himself as Ben dips the needle into ink, then turns to Calum. “Ready?” he questions rhetorically before pressing the machine to his forearm and dragging the first line across his skin.

Calum’s tattoo takes a minute, maybe even less than that. It’s simple and small, but Calum loves it instantly. A permanent reminder of the boy he gave his heart to and the place they made their home. 

Ashton steps over to inspect it after Ben wipes down the skin. “I love it,” he mumbles before leaning in and pressing a light kiss to Calum’s forehead. 

Once Ben has covered the tattoo and shoved Calum off the table, Ashton settles down and rests his wrist on the stand that Ben had dragged over. Nerves fill his stomach as Ben traces an outline of his tattoo onto his skin with a pen. The design was a little more complicated, being an outline, and he felt more comfortable with at least a bit of a guideline. 

When the tattoo machine fires up, Ashton reaches his cast-clad arm out for Calum to grab on to. His boyfriend slides up next to him and rests his hand on Ashton’s thigh, giving it a light, reassuring squeeze. Ashton turns and smiles up at Calum, using the sight of his sculpted-yet-soft face as a distraction from the pain that’s searing into his wrist. He winces when Ben drags the needle over a bony spot and feels the vibrations run through him. Calum hates seeing him in pain, but he knows it will be over soon enough.

And just as soon as he has the thought, Ben switches the machine off and the tattoo is done. Ashton lifts his wrist and turns it, glancing at the ink from different angles. “Ugh, I hate it,” he groans, the wide smile on his face giving away his sarcasm. The tattoos are covered and paid for and Calum makes a promise to come see Ben again the second he gets the itch for another tattoo before they head home. 

Later that night, when the coverings are removed and they’ve both rubbed enough moisturizer on the tattoos to feel satisfied, they settle onto the couch with the dogs to watch a movie. Despite his desire to pay attention to the film, Ashton can’t help but stare at Calum’s cluster of tattoos. 

“Y’know, I’ve always said this is my favorite one,” Ashton mumbles, reaching over and tracing the horseshoe. “But now,” he leans over and presses his lips to the tally marks lightly. “New favorite.”

Calum rolls his eyes but his smile says something completely different. “S’my favorite, too,” he answers. “Fitting, huh? My favorite tattoo for my favorite person.”

+++ 

Calum’s rounding a corner a few blocks away from the apartment when the story ends. His lungs are burning and his legs are tired, but he missed the feeling of a good workout in his past few weeks of laziness.

“So, that’s that one,” Ashton says. “I always thought that I would never get a tattoo, at least never get a tattoo for a boyfriend or something like that, but here we are. I love this tattoo. I look at it every day and it reminds me of how important you are to me, as if I could ever forget.”

“That’s all I have for today, though, babe. I love you. I miss you. I’ll ‘talk’ to you tomorrow. Bye.”

Calum’s eyes glance down at his own tattoo as he lets his jog slow down to a walk when the apartment building comes into sight. The ink had faded from that bright, fresh black to a softer shade and blended in with the other tattoos on his skin. Surrounded by the other pieces of ink, the tattoo for his sister, his parents initials, odds and ends that mean something to him in one way or another — the stories of his life, he likes to think. The tattoo for Ashton fits in perfectly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i couldnt write this fic without acknowledging cashtons matching tattoos SO here it is .... we're getting close to the homestretch here folks i hope ur ready for the next two chapters of pure fluff and all around sappiness !!!!!! come chat on [tumblr!!!](cashtonjpg.tumblr.com)


	14. the day we just existed

The “Ashton is coming home” jitters begin to set in the second Calum’s countdown reaches 24 more hours. A day doesn’t feel like much when it feels like he’s already been waiting years. He thinks he jinxed himself by just thinking that later on, though, when the work day drags on at a snails pace. 

When he gets home, he decides it’s probably a good idea to give the apartment a clean before Ashton gets back. He hadn’t exactly been living in filth, but the place was nowhere near as clean as it is when Ashton is around. He pops the tape into the Walkman and stuffs it into his sweatpants pocket while he sweeps the floors so he has something to occupy his brain.

“Hey, Cal. Only one day left, my love!” Ashton’s voice is unusually sleepy in comparison to the cheerful tone he has in the other recordings. He somehow still sounds like his usual, chirpy self, though. “I know this has been a tough two weeks for you, but we’re really in the home stretch here. If we can do this, we can do anything, right?”

“So, today I thought I would tell you the story about a day where we didn’t do anything extraordinary. That’s why I love it, though. Every day I spend with you is extraordinary.” Ashton fakes a gagging sound. “Sorry, cheesy, but true.” That makes Calum laugh, the kind of laugh that only Ashton can get out of him.

“This is the day we just existed.”

+++ 

A groan escapes Calum’s lips as he tilts his head back and bumps it against the headboard. His left hand is knotted in Ashton’s hair, guiding his head up and down, while his right one fists at the bed sheets beside him. “M’close,” Calum manages to get out, sounding like something between a mumble and a moan. Ashton’s eyes flick up and lock on Calum’s hooded ones. He watches his boyfriend unravel beneath him, lips falling apart and hips bucking up against Ashton’s forearm that he’s using to hold him still. It’s a beautiful sight, and one Ashton will surely miss when he’s gone.

He kisses up Calum’s bare chest before attaching their lips. Calum tastes himself on Ashton’s mouth, a flavor he had gotten so used to over the years. When their lips part, Ashton leans his forehead against Calum’s. Their breath mingles in the space between them and the heat washes over their faces. 

“Gonna miss you so much,” Ashton finally breaks the silence. He presses another kiss to Calum’s lips, this one short and light, before rolling off him and onto his side. He cuddles into Calum’s chest and under his arm. Calum pulls Ashton in closer and presses a kiss to the top of his head. He breathes in his scent in his curls, trying to drink in every second he has left with his Ashton.

“Not as much as I’ll miss you,” Calum answers. He runs his finger tips up and down Ashton’s arm. “Tell me something.”

“Like what?” Ashton questions, shifting in Calum’s grip so he can see his boyfriend’s face.

“Anything. A story from when you were younger or something.”

Ashton thinks for a minute, his lips pressed together. Calum can always tell when he’s lost in thought, wracking his brain for an idea or the right words. “Okay, I got it.” Ashton’s face lights up and he rolls out of Calum arms and onto his stomach. He props himself up on his forearms — cast-free as of yesterday — and launches into the story.

"I must have been, I don’t know, 3 or 4 years old. My parents had some friends over for dinner a week or so before Christmas and they put on _The Grinch_ to entertain me while they were talking.”

“You, unattended, at 3 or 4? What were your parents thinking?” Calum laughs, thinking of all the stories Ashton had told him of his childhood escapades, many of which ended in complete destruction of something. 

“Even after the Easter basket chocolate binge fiasco, they never learned,” Ashton shrugs, thankful that his parents lax parenting style left him with so many hilarious childhood stories. “Anyway, I guess they got distracted and weren’t really paying attention to me, because I managed to get into the craft drawer where we kept markers and stuff and I pulled out a green marker. By the time they looked over, I had already colored both of my arms and one of my legs green with it.” 

Calum is in a puddle of laughter, imagining 4-year-old Ashton covered in green marker, looking up at his parents with a massive smile on his face. 

“I guess I really wanted to be the Grinch. Don’t really know why, though. He kind of sucks.” Ashton tilts his head to the side and watches his boyfriend continue to giggle at the story. “Good enough of a story for you?” he asks.

Calum leans over and plants a kiss on Ashton’s nose. “Exactly what I was hoping for.” 

Ashton crawls back on top of Calum and rests their foreheads together. He drinks in everything he can about the closeness. The feeling of their bare bodies against each other, the heat of Calum’s breath, the sight of those brown eyes up close and personal. He kisses him, eyes fluttering shut and hands moving to cup Calum’s cheeks. Calum’s lips are so soft and impossibly full. Kissing him was always a treat.

If he could, Ashton would freeze at this moment in time forever. In bed with Calum, talking about nothing spectacular, just existing in each other’s presence. Unfortunately, that’s not the case, and he has to leave for Cambodia in 2 days. 

“Now you,” Ashton whispers, his mouth still in close proximity to Calum’s.

“Now me, what?” Calum replies, his voice husky and low.

“Tell me something about you that I don’t know.” 

Ashton rolls off Calum again, but stays closely nestled to his chest this time. Calum combs his fingers through Ashton’s hair and Ashton leans in to the touch. “Okay, I have a secret.”

“Do tell,” Ashton says, interest piqued. He tilts his head upwards and studies Calum’s face, his jaw, mostly. The sharp, angular lines and the way it tenses and goes slack with each thought that passes through his head. He leans up a places a kiss just below his chin where the sharp line is scattered with spattering of stubble. 

“I’ve been teaching myself to play piano,” Calum admits, his cheeks flushing a pale shade of pink. “When you’ve been out busy doing documentary stuff, I figured I’d brush some dust off that old thing in the corner and give it a shot.” 

Ashton lifts himself from Calum’s grasp and rolls out of bed. He picks up his discarded boxers from the floor and tugs them on. Calum watches him with curiosity before questioning. “What are you doing?”

“You’re gonna play for me, duh,” Ashton rolls his eyes, as if his answer was the most obvious thing in the world. He picks up Calum’s boxers from the floor and tosses them in his direction. They land directly on his face, which elicits a giggle from Ashton’s throat. “Put ‘em on. Or don’t. I could get behind you playing the piano for me fully nude.” He trudges off towards the living room to wait for Calum. 

“Hate to see you leave, but love to watch you go,” Calum calls out after Ashton, watching the way his ass swivels as he walks in his boxer briefs. Ashton lets out a chirpy laugh while Calum puts on his boxers.

He forces himself out of the warm comfort of bed and heads into the living room, where Ashton is already situated on the couch near the piano. The instrument wasn’t anything fancy, just a black upright piano that Luke needed to get rid of when he bought himself a new one and Calum and Ashton had the space for. For the past few months, it served as a decoration and something to put random junk on top of. One day after work, Calum came home to an empty apartment, something he wasn’t used to. With the documentary rapidly approaching, Ashton spent more and more time in meetings, often leaving Calum home alone for longer periods of time than he was used to. When the television failed to entertain him anymore, he decided that giving the piano a shot could be fun. He knew the basics — he had learned in music class in school when he was younger — but he had never progressed far into it. A few internet searches and sheets of printed music later, he began to teach himself the instrument to entertain himself, and that just so happened to be whenever Ashton wasn’t around.

He slides across the hardwood floor to the piano’s bench and lifts the cover off the keys. Ashton watches the muscles in his back tense up, then relax as he rests his fingers over the keys and begins to play. The melody is slow and soft and beautiful. Even without any words to accompany the music, Ashton can feel the sense of love and longing in every note. As he plays, Calum shuts his eyes, relying on his muscle memory to play the notes for him. 

Near the end of the song, his long fingers fail him and he plays a dissonant wrong note. His cheeks redden with embarrassment as he slowly turns on the bench to face Ashton. “Sorry,” he smiles sheepishly. 

“Cal, that was beautiful,” Ashton answers, standing up from his seat and bounding over to where Calum sits. He straddles his lap in a way that doesn’t feel sexual, just intimate. “So, so beautiful. I want you to play piano for me every day for the rest of my life.” He ducks his head and kisses Calum slow and soft.

“Then play piano for you every day for the rest of your life I will,” Calum mumbles, lips still pressed to Ashton’s. He returns the kiss, this time with more passion. An involuntary moan slips through Ashton’s lips as he grinds himself down against Calum. The sound makes Calum push forward and part his lips, deepening the intimacy of the kiss. Ashton’s mouth eventually breaks away and kisses over Calum’s jaw, his stubble scratching against the open-mouthed kisses. 

When he pulls back to study Calum’s face, the parted lip and hooded eye face of lust, something strikes a chord inside of him. “Can I tell you something?” Ashton asks softly.

“Mhm,” Calum mutters as he attaches his lips to Ashton’s neck, only half listening to what he has to say. The feeling of Calum’s mouth at the base of his throat is almost enough to distract Ashton from what he was going to say. Another quiet moan passes his lips and he tilts his head back as Calum nips at the skin near his collarbones. 

“Your mouth is so distracting,” Ashton groans, hands now tangled in Calum’s curls. “That’s not what I was going to say, though.” He gives Calum’s hair a light tug, pulling his mouth away from his neck so he stops distracting him. “What I was going to say was—” He sighs — Calum’s hands had made their way from Ashton’s hips to his ass and he’s rubbing ever so lightly. “Oh my God, you’re gonna drive me nuts.” 

Calum’s face breaks into a huge grin. “That’s the point, babe.” Ashton swats Calum’s hands off him and slides off his lap, returning to his previous spot on the couch.

“Okay, better,” he smiles, hoping the few feet of distance between them is enough to get his words out. “So, I’ve been thinking about trying out something new recently. Like, if you’d be interested in it…” He hesitates, trying to read Calum’s expression, but he still has that same lustful-yet-still-cheeky look on his face. “I want to uh…want to try bottoming?” The statement comes out more of question, but it’s enough to get his point across to Calum, and apparently enough to get Calum on board because Calum is practically laughing himself off the piano bench and on top of Ashton.

Their lips crash together in a mess of laughter and passion and excitement. “So I’ll take that as a ‘let’s do it’?” Ashton laughs against Calum’s mouth. Their teeth clack together when Calum smiles and gives Ashton’s hip a squeeze.

“Live a little, right?” Calum teases before pushing himself off the couch and scurrying into the bedroom, Ashton following a foot behind. 

Calum turns and pushes Ashton down onto the bed, already loving the new dominant role. He crawls over his boyfriend and situates himself between Ashton’s slightly spread thighs. Their lips meet again, a little slower than they were just a minute before. Calum places one hand on the side of Ashton’s face and lets his other one explore his near-naked body, feeling every muscle and curve that was already memorized. His hand finds Ashton’s already half-hard cock and he palms him over his boxers, which makes Ashton let out a low, throaty moan into Calum’s mouth. Calum ruts his own hips down over Ashton’s body, needing some sort of friction.

When Calum pulls his lips back and attaches them to Ashton’s throat, both boys are already panting. Calum lets his mouth lead the way over Ashton’s throat, his collarbones, his chest, sucking and biting at the sensitive spots that he knows make Ashton squirm with pleasure. When he reaches the waistband of Ashton’s boxers, he looks up. “You sure you wanna try this?” Calum confirms. 

Ashton answers with an eager nod of his head, and Calum follows by tugging Ashton’s boxers off in one motion. While Calum pulls his own underwear off, Ashton reaches for the bottle of lube on the bedside table and tosses it in Calum’s general direction. Calum kneels between Ashton’s thighs and leans over to kiss up each leg, taking his time to do so. Ashton is already squirming and he reaches to touch his own cock, looking for some sort of release. Calum is quick to swat his hand away and pin down his wrists against the bed.

“Now, love, if we’re gonna do this properly, you’re gonna have to listen to me,” Calum chastises Ashton, one eyebrow raised. The small twitch in Ashton’s cock says “point taken” for him. “No touching,” Calum says as he slowly lifts his hands from Ashton’s wrists. He picks up the lube and slicks up his fingers. Every motion is painstakingly slow, or at least Ashton feels like it is. 

One cool, wet finger grazes Ashton’s hole and he’s already euphoric. Calum takes his time, teasing and stretching with one finger, then two. He wants to make this amazing for Ashton, and for himself, but mostly for Ashton. Ashton’s panting and groans make it sound like he’s about to come undone before Calum even sticks his cock in him. When Calum grazes his prostate after inserting a third finger, a bead of precome forms on the tip of his dick. Calum uses his free hand to run a thumb over the wetness and spread it down over Ashton’s cock, then sticks his thumb into his mouth to taste his boyfriend. He keeps his eyes locked with Ashton’s as he wraps his full lips around his finger and lets his tongue flick over it. Calum lets out a soft moan, which is followed by one from Ashton as Calum scissors his fingers inside of him.

“Cal, please babe. I’m ready. Want you in me so bad,” Ashton groans, desperate for something more than Calum’s fingers. His hands, which he had been keeping at his sides, fisting the bed sheets to keep from touching himself of Calum, come up and grasp at Calum’s shoulders. 

Calum licks his lips and cocks his head to the side as he retracts his fingers from Ashton. “What did I say about touching, babe?” He could really get used to taking the dominate role. 

Ashton flushes red, not used to Calum talking like this but really enjoy it. “Flip over,” Calum demands. Ashton does as he’s told, flipping over on all fours. Calum presses his lips together and grabs his own cock, pumping it a few times with his lubed up hand. He kneels there for a minute, just watching Ashton sit in that position, aching for some sort of touch, any sort of sensation. He’s leaking and aching and whimpering and desperate. Calum loves it.

“Gonna be good now, Ash?” Calum asks, voice low and raspy. 

He lines himself up with Ashton, Calum’s tip just barely grazing his hole. The light touch is enough to make Ashton cry out though. “I’ll be good, Cal. I promise. Please, just fuck me, please,” he begs, voice shaky with need.

Calum digs his fingers into Ashton’s hips and eases into him slowly. Ashton lets out a long sigh and clenches his fists tightly around the bedsheets. Calum stills, letting Ashton acclimate to his size. Ashton feels so good tightly wound around his cock that he’s already having trouble keeping his breathing steady. He uses his hands on Ashton’s hips to keep him grounded as he pushes in further. Ashton is a whining mess below him, but Calum is in his own world of pure pleasure. 

“Cal, please, more. Fuck me hard, babe,” Ashton manages to get out between moans. His face is buried in a pillow now, ass sticking up in the air. Calum could get used to that site, seeing his boyfriend at his full disposal. 

“Yeah? Want me to fuck you hard, huh?” Calum asks when he’s bottomed out inside Ashton. Ashton nods and Calum snaps his hips back quickly before thrusting roughly back in. Ashton practically squeals with pleasure. He keeps up the face, fast and rough, pulling almost all the way out before pushing all the way back in. Ashton meets his every thrust, loving the feeling of giving himself over to Calum entirely.

“Want you to ride me,” Calum says breathlessly when he’s worn out his hips and feels like he’s about to fall over from exhaustion. He doesn’t know how Ashton does it. All the health food probably helps. 

Calum pulls out and flops over on his back. Ashton crawls on top of him, connecting their lips and brushing a curl off Calum’s forehead, matted down with a thin layer of sweat. He slowly sits himself down on Calum. Calum watches the way Ashton’s eyes flutter shut as the pleasure washes over him and he throws back his head as Calum brushes his prostate. He starts out slow, hands planted on Calum’s chest and rocking himself to get used to the position. As he picks up his pace, he nestles his face into Calum’s neck. Between the sensation of Calum deep inside him and the friction on his cock between their sweaty bodies, Ashton can’t help but bite into Calum’s shoulder to keep his cries of pleasure from coming out as screams. 

“M’gonna come, Cal,” Ashton rasps against Calum’s neck. He follows it by pressing wet kisses against Calum’s sweaty skin. 

Calum reaches between their bodies and grasps Ashton’s cock, brushing his thumb up the vein on the underside. “Come for me, babe. Want you to finish around my cock,” Calum croaks, dangerously close to his own climax. A few more movements have Ashton gasping and groaning out Calum’s name and covering their chests in strings of white.

Calum is quick to flip them over, taking back dominance to chase his own high while Ashton rides his own. His thrusts as sloppy and quick and hit Ashton’s prostate each time. The overstimulation drives Ashton insane, and his whining against Calum’s shoulder, close to tears for the immense pleasure. “Oh, fuck, Ashton,” Calum yelps, releasing himself inside of Ashton, the feeling so good that his vision goes black around the edges. He freezes in place, arms bracketing Ashton’s body but no longer supporting his weight. 

When he finally regains his ability to function, he rolls off Ashton and buries his face in a pillow. A loud sigh passes his lips.

“Two years and we never even thought to try that?” Ashton laughs, his face flushed bright red and his hair sticking up at odd angles. “Are we getting, dare I say, too vanilla?” 

Calum picks up his head and looks at his boyfriend, beautiful and glowing. “We could never be vanilla.” He leans over and kisses Ashton, lips parted and wanting to drink in his taste. “God, I’m gonna fucking miss you,” Calum whispers against Ashton’s mouth, so quietly it’s barely audible. 

“Gonna miss you more than words can explain,” Ashton agrees. He pushes forward to kiss Calum again and he tries to understand how he can possibly be so in love with one person. 

“I’m starving,” Calum mutters when their lips part. 

“I second that,” Ashton smiles. He climbs out of bed and pulls on a pair of sweatpants. “How about I teach you how to cook something so you don’t die of starvation when I’m gone?” he proposes, half as a joke and half seriously.

“Sounds like the perfect plan,” Calum laughs as he gets out of bed. He finds a pair of shorts on the floor and pulls them on, then goes to find Ashton into the kitchen. 

Calum finds Ashton standing in front of the open refrigerator. “I’m trying to make a mental list of the things you know how to cook so we can go from there in this cooking lesson,” Ashton starts when he hears Calum walk in. “But I really can’t think of anything you _can_ cook.” 

“Oh, please,” Calum laughs, coming up behind Ashton and wrapping his arms around his torso. “I can cook lots of things.” 

“Yeah, like what?” Ashton asks, turning around in Calum’s grip. They stand eye to eye, arms wrapped around each other.

“Toast, cereal, uh…did I say toast?” Calum lists off, clearly impressed by himself.

“Ah, yes, all the main food groups,” Ashton mocks. “I’m talking about real food, love. Can I at least teach you to make eggs?” He doesn’t wait for an answer, just starts gathering what he needs from the refrigerator and the pantry. “Now first, we have to crack the eggs to get them out of the shell,” he explains, cracking an egg on the edge of the counter. “We don’t eat egg shells, in case you didn’t know.”

Calum smacks his shoulder. “Shut up.” He pushes himself up onto the counter to take a seat and watches as Ashton over explains ever step of the process. It’s not very hard to mix up a few eggs, dump them into a hot pan, and push them around with a spatula to scramble them, but Ashton makes sure to explain every step of the process, down to a throughout reasoning behind why he uses salt.

“And, if you follow everything properly, you’ll have a perfect breakfast. Or breakfast for dinner. B for D, as I like to call it,” he smiles, setting a plate piled high with eggs, toast, and bacon on the counter beside Calum.

“I could very easily cook for myself,” Calum explains as he shovels a forkful of eggs into his mouth. “But watching you do it is so much more fun.” 

Ashton rolls his eyes and picks up another fork, then takes a bite of the food from the same plate. “You would be so irritating if you weren’t so damn handsome.” 

“Is that why you love me? My devilishly good looks?” Calum questions, eyebrows raised.

“One of many reasons.” Ashton tilts his head up and kisses Calum, not minding the taste of bacon grease on his lips. “You’ll find out more of the reasons soon enough.” 

“Hm?” Calum mumbles against Ashton’s mouth, eyes shut.

“Oh, nothing,” Ashton grins. He pulls away and pads over to the sink to start doing dishes. Calum lets the comment roll of his back, not making much of it. He lets himself remain in the moment instead, watching Ashton clean up his mess and trying not to think about how much he’s going to miss him.

+++

Calum can’t believe he missed such an obvious hint at the tapes, and apparently Ashton can’t either, because he instantly starts gloating on the tape. “I really can’t believe you would just let something like that just go, especially because you’re the king of not letting things go,” Ashton mocks. “Made this surprise all the better, though, I suppose.”

“You’re probably wondering how I recorded this when we spent every waking moment together since this day, which was actually today for me. Lucky for me, you’re the heaviest sleeper I’ve ever met and I can sneak out of bed at—“ He pauses to check the time “3 A.M. just so I can perfect these tapes.” Calum smiles so widely his cheeks might burst. He loves the dedication to these tapes, but it makes him wonder what it’s all about. Why did Ashton go through this much trouble? He supposes he’ll find out soon enough.

“So, before I sign off, I need to explain some rules for tomorrow, because they’re a bit different. Well, it’ll be tomorrow if you actually followed the rules the first time around, and I sure as hell hope you did. Instead of listening to the tape whenever you want tomorrow, I need you to listen to it about 30 minutes before you leave for the airport to pick me up. It can be like 35 minutes or 25 minutes before, but don’t stray too far from that 30 minute mark, okay, Cal? I hope you just said okay aloud to yourself.” Calum smiles again, because he may have muttered it to himself. 

“It’s really important that you follow that rule or else it will ruin this entire thing that I’ve just done, okay? I’ll leave you at that. I love you. I miss you. I’ll talk to you — in the tape and in person, can you believe it? — tomorrow. Bye, babe.” 

Calum has dusted over every surface in the apartment, swept the floors in every room, put away all the dishes, and even went as far as to clean the bathroom. He found himself falling into bed in a cleaning-induced exhaustion near the end of the tape and he definitely doesn’t want to move from that spot. Instead, he stays just where he is and reminds himself he has only one sleep left alone in this too-big bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt feel like editing this so uuhhhh sorry ... im so sad to see this fic coming to an end but i hope u all enjoyed all the fluff thus far and get prepared for EVEN MORE FLUFF in the next/final chapter ... as always pls leave kudos/comments/etc. and come talk to me on [tumblr!!](http://cashtonjpg.tumblr.com)


	15. today

Calum can’t sleep. No matter how hard he tries, he can’t stop his mind from drifting to the fact that Ashton is going to be _in his arms_ in a few hours. 

He finally falls asleep in the early hours of the morning, but it feels like seconds before his alarm is going off. While it usually takes him forever to get out of bed, he’s awake the second the buzzing begins. He has a few hours before Ashton’s flight lands in the afternoon, but he wants to make sure everything is perfect for his arrival home.

The taunting of the tape is more unbearable than it has been for the past 13 days. He listens to what Ashton told him the tape the day before, though. Start it a half hour before he leaves for the airport. He had done so well with the instructions thus far, and he wasn’t going to mess it up on this last day. 

He takes the day off work and tries to make himself busy. He takes the dogs for a long walk. Calum thinks they can sense his excitement, because they tug on their leashes the entire way and their tails won’t stop wagging. 

When the morning turns to afternoon, Calum lets his mind drift while he relaxes on the couch. He think about what him and Ashton will do later — a lot of sex, probably — and daydreams about his boyfriend running through the airport and into his arms. Something lights up in the back of Calum’s head, and he thinks about the shoe box on the top shelf of his closet with a smaller box nestled inside it. 

He heads into the bedroom and into the shared walk-in closet. He stands on his tip toes to reach onto the top shelf where he can see the edge of the shoe box peaking out. He pulls down the box after pawing at the edge of it to get it into his grasp, and he can hear the other box inside sliding around. When he pulls off the lid, the small, black velvet box sits inside under a layer of tissue paper. He pops it open to check the ring is still inside, and it is — a thin gold band with the date they met engraved inside. He lets his fingers glide over the edges of it as he thinks.

The topic of marriage wasn’t something foreign to Calum and Ashton. They always made jokes, talked about it in passing. “I can’t wait to marry you,” Ashton would whisper in Calum’s ear when they attended friends weddings. “You’re stuck with me for you rest of your life,” Calum would kid when he did something that particularly annoyed Ashton. They both knew they were together further — hell, they even had tattoos that proved that they were in this for the long run. It was just a matter of who pulled the trigger of proposing first. 

Calum always thought he would be the one to pop the question. He wanted to be the one to do it first, anyways. He liked the power it gave him. The ring had been sitting in the closet for months, since way before their accident and their tattoos and maybe even before Gunner. He told himself he was waiting for the right moment, and as he’s looking at the ring now, he thinks the right moment might be tonight. He puts the ring back into the shoe box and puts the shoe box back on the shelf. Better to keep it safe and away for the time being.

He puts the idea of proposing out of his mind and focuses on what else he needs to get done before Ashton comes home. Since he had done all the cleaning yesterday, Calum was left with little to do to occupy the few hours left before he could listen to the tape for the day. He makes a spur of the moment decision to do what he hates more than anything else — go grocery shopping. Ashton would love coming home to a kitchen full of all his favorite foods — mostly fruits and veggies — and Calum lives to make Ashton happy. 

After facing treacherous crowds of moms in the supermarket, Calum makes it home with bags overflowing with fresh produce and a package of Oreos and beer for himself. He takes his time unloading the groceries, partially because he only has an hour to go before he can listen to the tape and partially because he doesn’t know what needs to be refrigerated and he has to pause to look it up. He’s thankful Ashton’s returning more than anything because without him he’s a little too clueless about being an adult. 

Calum peels open the top of the Oreos and pops one in his mouth, then grabs two more out of the package before heading into the bedroom. The box with all of the tapes sits on top of the dresser near the end of the bed. The day he woke up with that box poking him in the leg feels like years ago; it’s hard to believe that it had only been two weeks. He pulls the note Ashton left with the tapes out of the box and traces the letters with his fingers while he munches on the cookies in his hand.

While he waits for time to pass, he thinks about what the last tape could possibly be. He knows that they’re supposed to be chronological, but if the last story Ashton had told had happened only a few days before, then this last one must not follow that rule. When he glances at the clock on his phone, it’s a minute before the half hour, so he settles onto the edge of the bed with the Walkman to hear the last tape.

“Hi, Cal,” Ashton’s voice rings through the headphones. Calum can’t believe that he’s going to get to hear that voice in person today instead of on a grainy recording. Just the thought makes his stomach flip. “This is the last tape in our story, and it’s a little bit different than the rest.” 

“I gave you specific instructions about when to listen to this tape for a reason. It’s because I might have told you a little fib about the flight I was taking home and um…I’m already home. Well, not _home_ home, but I’m in the city.” 

“Come meet me at the national park where we had our first date. The top of the trail where we sat and talked for hours before I traumatized you with green juice. I’ll be waiting, because this tape — this is today.” 

Calum’s stomach is doing backflips and front flips and his heart feels like it’s about to burst. He knows exactly what’s about to happen, and he smiles to himself, because there’s no way in hell Ashton is beating him to it. He’s a little mad that Ashton had the audacity to think he could beat him to the punch. He bounds back into the closet and pulls the shoe box down, stuffs the ring into his pocket, and runs out the door with his car keys in hand.

He had to focus so hard on not speeding the entire way there. The drive is short, but every passing minute that he’s not in Ashton’s arms is killing him slowly. He can’t believe Ashton had this entire elaborate plan set up for weeks before he left and he didn’t let it slip through his big mouth. He’s surprised he didn’t catch on to the coming proposal. While Calum had been waiting for the right moment to propose, Ashton had apparently decided that he was tired of waiting and made the right moment for himself. 

When he pulls into the parking lot, he turns off the car and just sits for a minute. He can see Ashton’s car parked a few spots down. He runs a hand back through his curls, which are starting to get a little too long, then steps out of the car and heads towards the path. He tries his best to remember the way up — him and Ashton had come back a few times since their first date, but Ashton always led the way while Calum aimlessly followed. Muscle memory kicks in, though, and Calum seems to find the trail to the top without much thought.

The sun had begun to set by the time Calum approaches the top of the trail, because of course Ashton would have timed this whole thing perfectly with the sunset. When his line of sight reaches the plateaued top of the trail, he sees Ashton standing near the edge, looking out over the horizon. A guy Calum recognizes as a member of the documentary crew stands a few feet away with a camera, adjusting something with the lens. 

As Calum approaches, Ashton must sense him, because he turns and their eyes lock immediately. Calum’s pace quickens, despite being out of breath from completing that climb in jeans and boots, and he runs directly into Ashton’s outstretched arms. They wrap their arms around each other and Calum feels himself melt into Ashton. The feeling of those strong arms firmly around his waist feels a whole lot like home. 

They pull back from the hug just enough to connect their lips. Calum feels sparks flying out of every inch of his body. He missed the taste of Ashton’s mouth — minty and earthy and pure. When their mouths separate, they rest their foreheads together and just breathe.

“Hi,” Calum finally manages, needing to hear Ashton’s voice in the flesh. He reaches his hand up to cup Ashton’s face and brushes his thumb across his cheekbone. “God, I missed you.”

“Missed you even more, my beautiful boy,” Ashton whispers. He presses their lips together again, this kiss light and quick. Ashton’s face is speckled with stubble, much more than Calum is used to. He doubts that Ashton had the ability to shave often, if at all, on his trip. His hair is a bit disheveled and there are bags under his eyes — he’s been working hard. All of that is overshadowed by the bright smile and the sunken dimples that Calum loves so much. Despite being exhausted and overworked, Ashton still radiates sunshine. 

They separate, but Calum reaches out to hold Ashton’s hand, needing some sort of contact to remind him that this is real. “So,” Calum starts, a smile growing on his face. “You lied to me and I know why.”

Ashton shakes his head. “I would be mad if you hadn’t already figured it out. Can’t have myself marrying a boy who’s totally clueless, can I?” Ashton gives Calum’s hand a light squeeze. “Doesn’t mean you’re getting spared the dramatics because I enlisted this poor guy to film it for me.” He juts his thumb over to the camera guy, who has the lens fixed on the two of them.

With their hands still connected, Ashton leads them over to the edge of the cliff where they sat on their first date. As the sun dips lower on the horizon, Ashton gets down on one knee in front of Calum. Calum shakes his head, but the smile on his face doesn’t go away.

“Calum Hood, since the day I met you outside that pet store, your heart has been so open. You have approached every twist and turn over the past two years with love and compassion, and I admire that about you. Every day I spend with you, I become a better, more caring person.

“There are so many things I love about you. I love your stupid, overly expressive face. I love your laugh. I love the way your hair sticks up in a million different angles when you wake up in the morning. I love when you look at me with those chocolate brown eyes. I love how you remind me _every single day_ that love is real. I just love everything about you, Calum Hood.” 

Even though he knew this was all coming, Calum’s heart is beating a mile a minute. He looks down at Ashton — kneeling in front on him, a small velvet box in his hand — with so much love that he thinks it might just burst out of him. Tears that he didn’t realize were welling up in his eyes begin to flood down his cheeks. “The past two weeks have been some of the most rewarding days of my life, but it would never have happened without your love and encouragement. You make me a better person. Calum Hood, I want to spend every day for the rest of my life becoming a better person with you and for you. Will you please do me the honor of being my husband?” 

Ashton pulls open the box to reveal a thin golden ring, and Calum thinks his eyes are trick him when he sees a date engraved on the inside. When he takes a closer look, though, he can’t help but laugh. Ashton raises his eyebrows. “What? Oh God, please don’t tell me you’re gonna say no.”

Calum laughs again and grabs Ashton’s hands, pulling him back to his feet. “I’m not gonna say no, just—” He takes his turn now, and gets down on one knee in front of Ashton. He pulls the box from his pocket and grins up at his boyfriend. Ashton’s eyes go wide, because he definitely wasn’t ready for this twist.

“Ashton Irwin, you are the most selfless, giving person I have ever met in my life. You look for ways to help people you don’t even know every single day. The moment you told me that your life dream was to help others get access to water, I knew that I was going to fall in love with you. I think I’ve known since day one that we were going to spend our lives together.

“I love you when you tell me about the most mundane parts of your day. I love you when I wake up in the middle of the night and you’re peacefully sleeping next to me. I even love you when you make me eat healthy things for dinner when all I want is pizza. I love you every moment of every single day and I will love you for every moment of every single day for the rest of our lives. Ashton Irwin, I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone besides you. Will you please do me the honor of being my husband?”

When he opens the jewelry box and reveals a ring identical to the one Ashton had just pulled out, Ashton starts laughing. The same exact ring down to the date engraved on the inside. Calum pushes himself back to his feet and both boys embrace in a fit of laughter and tears of joy. Love radiates between them, even after they pull back from the hug. Calum extends his left hand first, and lets Ashton slip the ring onto his finger. Ashton holds out his hand next, and Calum does the same. They meet in the middle and press their lips together, a long and slow kiss — their first kiss as fiancés. 

With a yelp and a giggle, Ashton turns to the camera. “We’re getting married, baby!” he exclaims through his wide grin and the tears that won’t stop pouring out of his eyes. He raises his hand that’s still tightly locked with Calum’s and waves their arms around like they just won a boxing match. As they smile into the camera, the same thought runs through both of their minds —they cannot believe they’ve found a love this real and they get to keep it for the rest of their lives. 

Hands interlocked and grasped on like their holding on for dear life, Ashton and Calum settle down on the edge of the cliff to catch the end of the sunset. The sky is basked in beautiful shades of fiery red and golden orange. Ashton wraps his arm around Calum’s shoulders and Calum cuddles into his chest. 

The amount of happiness in their hearts makes everything seem like a dream; the way Calum feels in Ashton’s arms reminds them both that this is real, this is their lives, and this is just another chapter of their story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so sad to see this fic end i dont even know what to do ... i only wanna talk to you has been a part of my life for over a year now and she's finally done ... i have never actually finished a chaptered fic before so this is really something for me 
> 
> i want to thank u all so so so much for your words of encouragement and support throughout this entire thing. those of you who have commented and left kudos and have talked to me on tumblr -- this fic would not have gone on if it wasnt for your love and support. im sorry for getting emo but I JUST LOVE U ALL SO MUCH!!!!
> 
> i already have an idea for a sequel to this tho so dont worry, this isnt the last you've seen of documentarian ashton and architect calum!!! i also have a few wips for other cashton things on the way probably so tune in!! feel free to come chat w me on [tumblr (i changed my url and im not going back to fix it on the old chapters bc im lazy but this is the right one!!!)](http://stonercalum.tumblr.com) i love u all thank u GOODBYE


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